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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

To hate it when people say 'you look tired'?

57 replies

MrsJohnLewis · 03/02/2015 16:01

I mean, how the fuck are you supposed to respond to that statement?

'Yeah, I'm knackered actually?'

Or, 'I'm fine. I've had plenty of sleep I just look like shit.'

'Thanks for noticing and drawing attention to it'.

ODFO

OP posts:

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Lillabet · 03/02/2015 18:02

Ah, now grovel that is the only way you should ever hear that phrase (and the only way my DH would survive saying it to me).

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whatAREyouwatching · 03/02/2015 18:06

Friend, on meeting up after not seeing each other a while: "You look great!"

Same friend, a few months later: "You look great! SO much better than last time. God you looked really ill then".

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MadderPink · 03/02/2015 18:11

I am OK with it from DP, because it may be true and is meant well. If it's someone else I think "Oh god do I look THAT crap?" Unless I'm obviously ill or something.

I do say "Yes I'm knackered actually" - is that terrible!?

At least it's better than "cheer up it might never happen" that makes me want to shout "Oh FUCK OFF I will look miserable if I feel like it!!!"

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WiiUnfit · 03/02/2015 18:12

Normally it's said to me with the best intentions & genuine care for me... I think!

What I don't like is "Are you feeling okay? You look really pale!"

That's just my face. I am very, very white!

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HerRoyalNotness · 03/02/2015 18:14

"yes, the after party didn't finish until 4, I had to get up for work at 5. Pretty sure I'm still drunk"

That'll shut them the hell up

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theDudesmummy · 03/02/2015 18:18

Oh God i started a thead about this a while ago. It is practically my pet hate. WTF are you supposed to reply? And why would anyone say this (unless they were planning to do all your work, drive you home, make the dinner, bath the child and put you to bed, otherwise why say it, what are you supposed to do about it?).

And someone always seems to manages to say it to me at work when I thought I was looking pretty nice and well made-up, and had actually had a decent sleep for a change! And when i am just about to chair a big meeting ro something, to cause maximum self consciousness and lack of confidence!

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GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 03/02/2015 18:20

YANBU, especially as PP have said, when you're feeling really well and have made an effort with hair and makeup etc. It does very little for one's self image!

I don't think I'd ever say that to someone unless it was my DP and they were dozing off in front of me.

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GaryShitpeas · 03/02/2015 18:21

Yeah it's just an insult no matter how you look at it really

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MrsJohnLewis · 03/02/2015 18:27

Someone at work said it to me today while I was staring at my screen, concentrating quite hard on something.

They interpreted my staring at the screen as a sign of tiredness and asked me if I was okay over there because I looked like I was flagging.

I was like 'WTF?'. I'm just concentrating on my bloody work and minding my own business thanks.

Instead I said 'yes I'm really knackered'. I guess that's what she wanted to hear?

OP posts:

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manchestermummy · 03/02/2015 18:31

My manager said that to me other day. My response was "Thanks, yes, I'm shattered, I don't feel very well, and I am fed up".

He's one of these types who ask how you are out of habit rather than interest. Mostly I waffle that I'm fine but sometimes I tell it like it is. I did that today, in fact. He ran away!

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ChickenSoupChef · 03/02/2015 18:32

You wouldn't tell someone that their hair looks thin and lank, or that they're a bit smelly today.

During my last cbt session, I was told I looked tired and pale and should consider having a blood test. I'm not anaemic, that's just how I always look. my skin is still a bit tanned atm which makes it so much worse

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bigbluestars · 03/02/2015 18:35

Rude.

My Mum came to visit me two weeks after the birth of my daughter.
She happened to remark that her friend had seen me in town a few days before and that I had looked " bloody awful".

Thanks Mum- not sure I would have passed on that supportive comment.

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DakotaFanny · 03/02/2015 18:42

I'm a teacher....you know you look properly rough when a strapping sixteen year old boy says, "you okay Miss? You look a bit tired".

dispelling the myth that all strapping sixteen year old boys are horrid since 2015

??????

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Aridane · 03/02/2015 19:26

People say I look tired / unwell when I'm not wearing make up. I have sallow skin - which kinder people call olive - and circles under eyes, and make up really takes the edge off! Or a sun tan...

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KindleFancy · 03/02/2015 19:33

Agree with the poster who said it's not as bad as people who say 'cheer up'.

I have complete resting bitch face, if I'm concentrating.

I'm either told to 'cheer up' or asked 'are you ok?' at least once a day because I either look miserable as fuck or angry when I'm 'in the zone'.

It annoys the hell out of me...I have no control over my face when my mind is miles away ??

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sarsiem · 03/02/2015 19:57

Absolutely one of my pet hates too. would never say it to anyone. It's very rude. No one says it to me since I started wearing glasses. Marvellous at hiding the huge bags under my eyes!

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cunexttuesonline · 04/02/2015 00:57

Hate this too, so rude, especially when you are not even tired and think you are looking ok. Only my mil says it to me (and it's on a regular basis), I want to tell her to fuck off but I am too nice. ;)

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AlfAlf · 04/02/2015 01:21

A pregnant colleague was suffering badly with morning sickness and saying she'd had a hard night of it, and other colleague said 'yeah, you look like shit', first colleague visibly wilted She didn't, she's gorgeous and couldn't look shit if she tried. Unfortunately I was too stunned at other probably jealous colleague's lack of empathy to tell her that.

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Thehedgehogsong · 04/02/2015 13:01

YANBU, it's a very odd thing to say to someone. I just say I don't have make up on/I don't come with photoshop. It's usually my mum who says it and I know she's just trying to give me space to vent if I am knackered.

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Rokerwriter · 04/02/2015 13:02

My DM has said this every time she's seen me for the past 20 years. Only she does in a strange announcement to a third person, whether there is a third person present or not - so "Oooh, our Rokerwriter looks dog tired!" I just look at her as if to say 'Sorry, I don't believe you were speaking to me, I'm as interested in the response as you are'. Alternatively, STFU.
It was OK when I had small children and probably was knackered. Now I'm a 50-year-old mother of children who are 20 and 19, so the only real reason for me looking shit is probably that I look shit.

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Thevirginmummy1 · 04/02/2015 13:40

YANBU my MIL says it all the time. Usually on days when I've actually had a bit of sleep and think I'm looking slightly less worse than usual. There is no response and no proper reason for saying it. I'd rather she ask how I'm feeling rather than make comments based upon my level of haggardness!

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Lozzle26 · 04/02/2015 13:40

Or when you walk into a room and get told: "Wow, didn't you get fat!" Thanks bitch, having a baby and then having an op to remove the placenta will do that.

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TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/02/2015 14:05

I usually say "I know. Isn't make-up a lifesaver!" and leave it at that.

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bubalou · 04/02/2015 14:33

I get this when I don't have make up on.

My reply is 'no shit'.

Wankers

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TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 05/02/2015 18:01

is there a definitive answer to this yet?
Folk've been saying it to me a lot of late.

[knackered]