Family are now not coming to us for Christmas!

[SweetiePie0]

I am fuming!

We had invited my parents, DH parents and my grandmother just as we do every year - everyone has been keen to come over.

At the beginning of the week the in laws say that they aren't coming as they have the flu ( they have both had flu jabs and are well known for backing out of invites)- I say that they have a few days to get better, take meds etc and keep warm.... This evening my mum calls to say that their dog is ill and now my dad is saying that they shouldn't come for Christmas because of the dog. My grandmother then declares that she has been invited elsewhere so is going there this year...

I have an 18lbs turkey sitting in brine, a huge piece of gammon cooking and a fridge full of food - would I be unreasonable to never invite these people for Christmas again and spend the huge amount of money that we have spent on a trip to Dubai next year?!

I am sure as hell not going to attend the in laws 'January' lunch which we all have to endure every year - think I might have the flu!

And breath .....

[ThomasMaraJrsSubpoena]

Can we come over, please? >pathetic-icon

[Echocave]

A MerryScot, this is the second thread I've read in which you seem to be antagonising the OP in an unnecessary way. Xmas doesn't seem to bring out the best in you....

OP, that's quite annoying on the food/preparations front but as others say, you may have a much nicer time with your immediate family. And ham keeps quite well doesn't it. Id be tempted to bin the January lunch too. Just say you've got rather a lot of turkey soup/curry/etc to get through...

[CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup]

You'll have a fab Christmas OP... since we stopped the obligatory "family" do at Christmas we've had the best times and done exactly what we want to do.

I wouldn't go to the January meal either. But do tell them why. I feel that if you tempt fate by saying illness, then fate will step in and give you that illness...

Cook the food you've got and freeze what you don't need immediately.

[MehsMum]

You're fully justified in buggering off somewhere next year, or at the very least not inviting the ungrateful so-and-sos.

[R4roger]

what is the matter with the dog that he cannot come too?

how annoying for you.
How many of you left to eat all that food?

Hope you have space in your freezer for all the left overs.

You will remember this christmas thats for sure!

[Hatespiders]

Mary, we do, because there are often bargains to be had in meat etc. plus other goods. And I love a stroll around our big superstore Tesco's.

I think they've all been horrible, op, and you must feel very low about it. I wouldn't do this again, and I'd book that holiday to Dubai.

Whatever would we do without our freezers eh?

[ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose]

I would also be offering to take some cold cuts round. To clear your leftovers, to do a kind thing just in case they are all ill, and to sneakily check up!

And I think, whilst you value the big family get together, no one else does. So don't bother in future!

[MaryWestmacott]

Amerryscot, what difference does how long the shops are shut for make? The op thought she was catering for 7 adults plus her dcs, many of who can eat an adult portion of meat from a young age, plus those adults expect to be given enough left overs for another meal each (that stops even if you do end up cooking again OP!). Doesn't sound that excessive when realising it's got to feed 9 or more people for at least 2 meals, possibly 3.

(Do people really chose to go to the supermarket between Christmas and new year rather than do fun family stuff? I keep hearing the shops are only shut for one day like people don't have plans for the rest of the week, do people really just celebrate on Christmas Day then go back to the normal routine every other day for the week?)

[TheHoneyBadger]

that's true about not realising the cost.

i've never hosted a christmas day so would have no idea.

back when i was a part of an extended family i used to do christmas even and would cook something like a really rich long cooked steak and guiness casserole with mash that took 24hrs to prepare well (including letting it cold out in the barn overnight before slow cooking it again the next day) but would be quick and simple to serve for 8-10 people. of course you'd buy alcohol which would also cost a bit but nothing like the prices mentioned above and people were only here for a few hours before heading off to midnight mass.

it actually seems like madness that any one household should pick up the bill for the whole of christmas day and that they should do all the work.

do families not all chip in?

[wowfudge]

Well AMerryScot, you don't live up to your name!

OP they are pretty off for this. What's wrong with the dog? Could your parents not bring him or her along? And your grandma is the rudest of the lot as she doesn't have a an excuse reason.

You can freeze the cooked turkey meat and use it other meals. Same with the ham - slice it and freeze it once cooked so it doesn't go to waste. Though it's not the point.

Send them a photo text message of your feast, the miserable lot, wishing them a Merry Christmas.

[MaryWestmacott]

YANBU. I do think that a shockingly high number of people don't understand just how expensive that one day is to host. I took the DCs to a soft play alng with a friend and hers yesterday morning and as we were there I got a text reminding me my delivery was coming yesterday afternoon, got chatting and I said I was really happy we'd managed to pick up lots of the bits like mince pies and panatone in the normal weekly shops, so hadn't 'felt' the cost, so the 'big shop' was only £175. She was really shocked, especially when I said the turkey was £45 and I thought that was good as it's not a huge one, we won't have a lot of left overs as it's only big enough for 8 really and we have 6 adults and 2 DCs there for christmas day (one of those is only 18 months so will really only have a tiny bit).

Turns out, she's never hosted the whole family or 'done' christmas day, she's either gone to her mum, her DH's Mum, her sisters or her DH's sisters. Some people go their whole life having only been a guest or it's so long since they did Christmas (perhaps only for 2 adults and DCs), they just don't think about the expense they have put you to.

I certainly wouldn't offer to host again and be 'ill' for their big January get together.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

You can definitely get flu despite the jab. I did but I only felt rough for a week. Apparently you don't suffer as much with it if you've had the jab.

However, enjoy a smaller Christmas. Invite elderly neighbours over (or friends) and enjoy yourselves. Get booking that holiday

[Theenduringmoment]

I'm sure I read somewhere that this year's flu jab isn't a particularly good fit for the strains circulating at the moment so they might be telling the truth, or just have a nasty fluey cold, which is more difficult to recover from when you're older.

[CombineBananaFister]

Yanbu Op, it's rude to cancel with so little notice unless they are genuinely ill - which you seem to think they may not be.
Your choice of food, expense and how you decide to cook your food shouldn't really mean anything. Bad manners is just bad manners.
Bear in mind though, they/dog might actually be really sick.

[Marylou2]

I'm green with envy!! Get back to bed with a bottle of champagne and start browsing the holiday websites. Have a fabulous Christmas.

[TheHoneyBadger]

sorry - guilty that i'm not

[TheHoneyBadger]

invite the elderly neighbours round.

aibu to feel quite smug that (despite having flu and having spent most of the last four days in bed so i could feel sorry for myself) as it's just ds and i we really can spend christmas day in pjs if we want to? we don't have to have a turkey as neither of us like it so just have a ham and all the yummy treats we like and treat it like an all day buffet and open pressies and pull crackers and play with new games and look forward to watching doctor who and the like?

sometimes i feel guilty that i'm exposing him to the 'traditional christmas' anymore and then i remember how fucking hideous it was and think nah

[GokTwo]

Fwiw we are cooking at my parents tomorrow but they have kindly bought the turkey and are putting it in brine today too. Never actually heard of that but apparently it makes it taste fantastic!

[GokTwo]

Crikey how unbelievably rude of them! Yanbu, never ask them again!!!!

[daisychain01]

YABU to think that getting over the flu in only a day or two. It took me three weeks to feel human again. I have the flu jab now, but yes I agree it is still possible to catch it (but unlikely).

YANBU to be completely pissed off. Can't you go round the area and invite people who can't afford Christmas to come along and tuck in. Then send a load of photos to your rely's to show what they missed

[BIWI]

AMerryScot - are you really berating the OP for her choice of food?!

[Justinefrischmann]

So glad you're dropping in at the elderly neighbours'. They'll probably really appreciate it and you may well have a better time with them than you would have en famille!

[ThePrincessWhoSatOnTheSprout]

I don't blame you for being upset at all. If they're not travelling far, can't they come over with the dog.

Also.... I didn't know you could get turkey's in brine... is it in a tin?

[sebsmummy1]

Are they close enough for you to take some cold cuts and mince pies over to your parents as well unexpectedly (so you can see if they really are I'll and embarrass them if they are not