Major surgery. Christmas Eve. Ono found out tonight at 6 pm. Not sure what to think, help?

[DoItTooJulia]

Never started an AIBU thread, and haven't name changed. And I'm not feeling brave, but here goes.

My mum, who lives with us, has had a really crappy year. For one reason or another, it's taken 9 months to diagnose her thyroid cancer. There have been mistakes made by the hospital and various consutants teams. I do not want to drip feed, but to sit and type them all would take up paragraphs. My mum has discussed these mistakes and issues at length with the hospital and they acknowledge that there have been issues. We haven't complained formally (we are NOT NHS bashers) but have grounds to.

My mum has been watching for the post for the letter from the consultants that was a dictated copy of the notes from her most recent appointment. The appointment was three weeks ago and were told the letter would be out straight away. She was also told that she could expect and appointment for a mini operation to check her airways, a genetic test and then after those a procedure to crack the breast bone and conduct, with another surgeon a thyroidectomy and removal of all cancerous nodes, the thymus and anything else suspect looking in 6-8 weeks. The letter hasn't arrived.

Tonight at 6 pm the consultants secretary rang her to tell her that the major surgery is due to take place on Christmas Eve!

No mention of the other stuff, the smaller procedure, the results from the bloods that they took, nothing. When my mum said she needed to think about it the secretary got quite shirty with her.

What do you think? The context here is that the mistakes have been unaccounted for delays. A 12 week delay here, a 6 week delay there by the hospital and more. If there had been no mistakes, this surgery would have been scheduled 6 months ago. It's a slow growing cancer (thank god).

Are we being churlish to need time to think about it? Would you want that on Christmas eve. She's worried about skeleton staff, the impact on her dgc who she lives with, she's waited for 9 months for this is it foolish to delay it just because it may 'ruin' christmas?

I could type so much more, but I would love to hear what you think and will try to answer questions because there is so much I haven't said.

[MeMyselfAnd1]

Considering the waiting times I would say yes straight away (you may have been fitted in due to a cancellation and it may be a long wait for the next opportunity).

My FIL was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and my MIL made sure he was seen by the best consultant in the country, and had the luck to be offered a slot in less than 2 weeks notice, which she refused because it fell on the 13th of the month and she saw as a bad omen. So they waited for another 2 months.

By the time the operation took place the cancer had extended so badly that he died only 2 weeks later.

I know that pancreatic cancer can develop much faster than other cancers, and I know that perhaps by the time it was discovered it may have been already too late, but through out these years we have had the nagging and painful question of whether FIL would have lived much longer if they had taken that slot on the 13th of the month.

I know it's Christmas but there will be other Christmas and you will have plenty of time to make complaints in the future, at this time is about focusing in getting all the medical helps that she has been offered, and believe me, if things go well, this will be the perfect Christmas gift.

[ArthurSHappeyChristmas]

The NHS is a 365 day a year service and staffing levels although slightly lower in some departments are fully maintained in others. IMO your mum needs the operation, she should have it.

Regarding being an NHS bashed. Please do not think that. If you have reason for complaint then complain. People will not learn, changes cannot be made unless these things are brought to their attention and fully investigated!

All the best to your mum .

[Ohfourfoxache]

Oh MeMyself

[DoItTooJulia]

me so sorry.

She's going to go with it, we ust needed time to get over that shock.

DM is thrilled that I haven't had a flaming in my first AIBU! Thanks vipers!

[DoItTooJulia]

*just

[QTPie]

Ah, your poor mum and poor you too.

Have been there with my mum having lung cancer (now 4 years clear after major surgery Dec 2010): incredibly stressful for all involved.

Definitely take it. Whatever it will "hang over things": honestly just better to get it over with and then get on with the recovery.

Have some fun and nice meals before the Op. Maybe even some presents. Your Mum will have the Op. The rest of you try to have as good/normal Christmas as possible (for the kids sake), whilst fitting in some visits to support your mum. Leave the kids at home for the first few visits and just spend time with her. No expectations or pressure just support and being there.

Very best wishes.

[Ohfourfoxache]

Julia

Don't be afraid to post on aibu - you sound lovely, and loveliness usually shines through

Good luck x

[Cornettoninja]

Oh I'm really glad!

Lots of good luck been sent your way doittoo's mum

[grannytomine]

I don't know about Christmas but I was in hospital over New Year and the staffing levels were low and they ran out of bedding. There was no physio on New Years Eve, New Years Day or the day after, which was weekend. I saw a physio for about 30 seconds on the day I was leaving and she said I was standing wrongly and should have been doing certain exercises I didn't even know about. Having said that I would still have it done because I just wouldn't want to wait.

[Becca19962014]

Julia, I hope it goes well. And like someone else said AIBU isn't always a nest of vipers. I made my first post here and expected to be flamed, the support I got instead was amazing. Good luck!!

[NotALondoner]

As others have said, please complain. I bet everyone knows what the problems are in the system but when a patient or family member complains it carries more weight. Please do it so others don't suffer delays like you have.

[sashh]

Years ago the NHS used to do minor ops only on the run up to Xmas, but people didn't turn up or cancelled and someone had the idea of doing the more serious ops instead, and people do turn up.

Xmas eve is a normal working day, Xmas day will have at least the same staff as a weekend, possibly more.

Go for the op.

[DoItTooJulia]

Thanks all.

Feeling a bit rubbish this morning. My poor mum.

Will visiting times be the same as usual in Xmas day?

[bananaramadramallama]

Julia, I'm pleased your mum has decided to do it - one Xmas day is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

All the best to you all, and hugs to your mum - it will be a bit crappy initially but in a matter of weeks you will look back and be glad of the decision to go for it as early as poss (I actually find that less notice is better for many big things tbh - the build-up stress can be worse than the actual event sometimes).

to you all.

[Bakeoffcakes]

Julia, when I was in hospital in Xmas day they did extend visiting hours but I suppose it depends which ward she's on. It's something you can ask about later.

If I were you I'd try to start planning an early Christmas Day/meal. You've only got about a week, focusing on making that day special wont take away the worry (as that's very natural) but it will take your mind of it.

[londonrach]

Go for it. X

[intheenddotcom]

I would say take the slot but keep a close check on your DM.

I was rushed to hospital on Christmas Eve a few years ago and admitted to a surgical ward as there was the possibility of emergency surgery being needed. I don't know if there were less nurses than usual but most of the nurses were agency and the treatment of patients was sub-standard - staff shouting at patients, ignoring requests, curtains closed on patients who should be monitored, obs being missed, being 'told off' by staff for being worried about being seriously ill, being referred to by last name (no Miss or Mrs either), not knowing if patients were nill by mouth, the list goes on.

That night I nearly died because the nurses didn't do their jobs properly. They failed to read/get a doctor to read blood test results which would have told them I had sepsis. They failed to take obs regularly which led to them missing the clues that would have told them I had sepsis. Thank god the junior doctor was on the ball when they eventually called him - by that point my blood pressure was so low my heart was struggling and I was so confused I no longer knew where I was or what was happening. It was only the fact that I had already been started on antibotics on admission combined with the quick treatment of the doctors when they realised it was sepsis that prevented me from ending up in the ICU.

The next morning they tried to take me down for surgery. I told them nothing more had been said about surgery since being admitted. They insisted and it wasn't till I was being wheeled out they one of them realised they had made a mistake and mixed me up with another patient!

My complaint was upheld by the trust over my poor treatment.

So do encourage your mother to have the op but please, please, please be careful.

On the plus side you do get X-mas dinner and a small present on Christmas morning.

[wanttosqueezeyou]

What about the mini operation she was supposed to have? Is this not important? Is the information from this not necessary? Sounds a bit like a rush job to me.

[Mouldypineapple]

All the essential staff will be available. Often it is members of the wider team - clinical nurse specialists, dieticians etc who won't be around for a few days. There will be a consultant on call if not around. A member of the surgical team will review your Mum daily and there should be plenty of nurses around! Physiotherapists will be on call but usually have to prioritise the sickest patients to see, those in need of oxygen, post surgery etc so if need be one would be around to see your Mum.
Do talk to PALS when you're ready, they can be very helpful.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

Take the slot.

Cancer is very unpredictable and the sooner the op is the better.

[DoItTooJulia]

Wanttosqueeze that is a huge concern for me too.

As a general update, we have emailed the consultant directly with some of our queries, one of which is whether or not the preliminary surgery they planned is going to take place and the consequence of it potentially not taking place.

Thanks for all the support, we do appreciate it and are taking in all of the replies.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I'd take the slot especially if your mum is likely to need a high dependency bed after surgery. Many Trusts struggle with beds, especially high dependency and we've often had to cancel surgery due to none of these beds being available.

There's never a guarantee that surgery will go ahead on the day, so waiting another couple of weeks into January, might mean further delay if there's a beds/equipment/staffing/emergency problem on that date.

Bring Christmas early and I'm sure there will be visiting over Christmas Day. You could ask to speak to the ward manager of the ward your mum will go to after surgery to chat about any staffing fears over the bank holiday and/or visiting times. There should also be a senior nurse for the department too, who will oversee the wards, possibly worth finding out who they are.

[Platinumpennies]

As a parent of a child with cancer, I would not hesitate. She needs the surgery and should not wait. Christmas really is not the priority here.

I understand your concerns about staffing. Get the op done and keep a close eye thereafter.

[DoItTooJulia]

Hi all, I just wanted to let you all know the surgery went well: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2266171-To-the-staff-nurse-in-charge-of-HDU-last-night?msgid=51487260#51487260

Thanks for all of your input, it genuinely did help us decide.