Major surgery. Christmas Eve. Ono found out tonight at 6 pm. Not sure what to think, help?

[DoItTooJulia]

Never started an AIBU thread, and haven't name changed. And I'm not feeling brave, but here goes.

My mum, who lives with us, has had a really crappy year. For one reason or another, it's taken 9 months to diagnose her thyroid cancer. There have been mistakes made by the hospital and various consutants teams. I do not want to drip feed, but to sit and type them all would take up paragraphs. My mum has discussed these mistakes and issues at length with the hospital and they acknowledge that there have been issues. We haven't complained formally (we are NOT NHS bashers) but have grounds to.

My mum has been watching for the post for the letter from the consultants that was a dictated copy of the notes from her most recent appointment. The appointment was three weeks ago and were told the letter would be out straight away. She was also told that she could expect and appointment for a mini operation to check her airways, a genetic test and then after those a procedure to crack the breast bone and conduct, with another surgeon a thyroidectomy and removal of all cancerous nodes, the thymus and anything else suspect looking in 6-8 weeks. The letter hasn't arrived.

Tonight at 6 pm the consultants secretary rang her to tell her that the major surgery is due to take place on Christmas Eve!

No mention of the other stuff, the smaller procedure, the results from the bloods that they took, nothing. When my mum said she needed to think about it the secretary got quite shirty with her.

What do you think? The context here is that the mistakes have been unaccounted for delays. A 12 week delay here, a 6 week delay there by the hospital and more. If there had been no mistakes, this surgery would have been scheduled 6 months ago. It's a slow growing cancer (thank god).

Are we being churlish to need time to think about it? Would you want that on Christmas eve. She's worried about skeleton staff, the impact on her dgc who she lives with, she's waited for 9 months for this is it foolish to delay it just because it may 'ruin' christmas?

I could type so much more, but I would love to hear what you think and will try to answer questions because there is so much I haven't said.

[Andrewofgg]

Please, all these issues will sort themselves and will in any case still be there at the next appointment whenever that is, when your mum's condition will be that much worse.

Take it.

And please let us know how it went. There will be a lot of people thinking of her. Cancer is the club nobody wants to join, but when you are in, you are in, and you support the other members.

[TheABC]

I have several cancer survivors in the family. Please, please take the slot (you can't underestimate the "gift" of good health) and speak to PALS. Can your mum use her lunch hour to speak to the hospital?

[aermingers]

She needs to do it. My mother almost missed my wedding because her cancer surgery was scheduled for a week before. We were very lucky, her doctor managed to find a place to fit her in a month before and she recovered in time to come. But you can't move Christmas. Plus your daughter's wedding hopefully only happens once but Christmas happens every year. It's far more important that she does something that can potentially give her lots of Christmas's to come rather than worrying about missing out on one.

Also, the NHS can't simply shut down around Christmas to accommodate people who don't want an operation then. There are waiting lists and other people waiting and they simply have to get on with operations or it is unfair on all the other patients waiting if their surgery is potentially shoved back because other people turn down dates around Christmas.

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

Do it. Have Christmas 2 days early.

[June2008]

I'd say take the date. I was scheduled for pretty much the same op on the 23rd Dec three years ago. I agreed to it after working out cover for my kids, figuring that Christmas would be a bit of a write off. In the end it was brought forward to the 18th, the kids didn't have quite the amount of presents I wanted to give, but they were happy to have mummy home. (They were 3 and 1 at the time.)

Regardless of whether your mums surgery is now or anytime before Christmas, the day will be pretty much a write off for her. I actually have very little memory of that Christmas, which is a bit sad on reflection as it was the first when both children kind of knew what was exciting about Christmas.

The recovery for my op was long but I did have a large (10cm) mass removed along with my thyroid. However my breathing was much better almost immediately.

Having been given a high percentage chance of the mass being malignant I was lucky to get the news that it was benign before Christmas.

My advice would be to go for it, just get the ball rolling and closer to the time when it's all over.

Ps if you get a good surgeon the scarring will be minimal, I have to point mine out to people three years later.

[Becca19962014]

If you remove Christmas eve from the equation (not easy to do I know!) if she was offered an operation at two weeks notice any other time would she take the offer then? I ask because in some areas that's the maximum notice that is given and the issues you have mentioned in your last post (work/childcare) would still be a problem then.

My opinion is she needs to get it done. I understand about the childcare and working, but she needs to think about her health. Slow growing cancer is still cancer and is growing (albeit slowly) - putting it off may be something she regrets. If she cancels she will be forced to wait even longer again, which given she has waited a long time already I don't think that is a wise thing to do. They won't discuss results via a secretary on the phone and the results she is waiting for could be why they have offered the operation now, I'm not saying it is as I have no idea, but that is something I think your DM needs to consider.

[DoItTooJulia]

Sorry, the work childcare thing isn't issue in the sense that my mum has surgery, I'm off to have the kids. It's the phoning people on Monday that's the issue.

[aermingers]

Surely your Mum's work know that she has cancer? What sort of a workplace would deny someone ten minutes to go and make a call about cancer treatment?

Regarding childcare, can you not sort something out with friends to cover some time? Perhaps take holiday and maybe some unpaid leave for the rest? I think your work will be fairly understanding given that it's for your mother to have cancer treatment.

I know it's really difficult to face up to and there is a certain amount of denial when a relative has cancer. And I really think you are in denial to some extent. The reasons that you're giving for cancelling the treatment are the sort of reasons that you might give if someone was having a routine operation or if she was going for dentistry or something like that.

This isn't like that. You really have to prioritise this above everything else. Childcare, work, Christmas: your mother's health should come before all of these at the moment.

[Bulbasaur]

Can you look at the rescheduling options?

Personally, I wouldn't want to get operated on at Christmas. What a terrible way to spend the holiday.

But if it were between than and a 3 month wait, I might go with the operation on Christmas eve.

I don't know much about cancer, so forgive if this insensitive. But if she's been fine the last 6 months, will a little more waiting really hurt?

[themartian]

She should have the op on Christmas eve

[Becca19962014]

Ah. Sorry Julia, I misunderstood!

I think if you explain you should be able to help her with the telephone calls, it is vital for this to be sorted out Monday morning, and for her/you to speak to the specialist nurse. It shouldn't need to be a long conversation, but is a vital one.

[Becca19962014]

Maybe the reasons aren't coming from the OP only though? I thought her DM was also reading the thread (which I might have also misunderstood!!) It can be a shock to rung and told you are expected to have surgery in under two weeks and maybe it feels like things are moving very fast for both the OP and her DM?

[Cornettoninja]

Would the nurse specialist or consultant be prepared to communicate by email? Seems a solution to issues with timings and making sure you're understood. It's also quite a handy paper trail to refer back to if you need. Have a look on the hospital website and see if it's an option for pals too - although if highly recommend following up a first email with a phone call.

If your mum is only even 60% sure on Monday take the slot. Once it's gone it's gone. If she decides to cancel give yourselves a deadline of say Wednesday/Thursday and that gives them a couple of days to look at pushing someone else up the list. Tight but not unachievable.

[cafecita]

she must have the surgery on time, please.

[Summerisle1]

Definitely go for the operation on Christmas Eve. Better one Christmas "lost" than to discover that the cancer has spread and the prospect of future Christmasses is unlikely.

As for her phoning from work, cancer is a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act. Your mother is entitled to ask for access to somewhere that will allow her to make this call privately. And to take as long as it takes.

[Becca19962014]

They won't be allowed to communicate confidential patient information via email.

[DoItTooJulia]

I've confused people. My mum minds my children for me while I work. So effectively she has no lunch break and no opportunity to make quiet calls as my 2 yo is dropping his lunchtime nap.

I will call the Cns on mon morning to explain the entire situation and ask her to call my mum to discuss it, bearing in mind that my mums voice is weak.

Thanks all, we like the idea of Xmas 2 days earlier.

[plus3]

I would take the slot on Christmas Eve - surgical units will be staffed the same regardless of holidays. Have Christmas a little bit early.

I am a nurse and would encourage you to complain - it is the only way to change things. The secretary probably doesn't realise how she is part of the whole process.
Good luck

[Becca19962014]

Christmas two days earlier is a brilliant idea. Don't worry about confusing people. I hope the phone call goes well, I'm sure the nurse will understanding regarding her voice being an issue so don't worry about that.

[Ohfourfoxache]

Is there anyone who could help to keep the kids distracted whilst your mum makes a phone call?

Fwiw I would say that she should have the surgery on Christmas eve. It has already been delayed, and if the next date won't be until March - well, that's a long time to wait.

In the nicest possible way, you should go to PALS. Complaints are not bad things - they are an opportunity to look at what went wrong and how a service can be improved. Please don't feel bad about speaking out - you need to do it.

[Bakeoffcakes]

Yes having Xmas early is a great idea.

I had a scheduled OP on 23rd dec and stayed in for 5 days. I think I received more care than normal actually. They don't do "routine" ops over Xmas but they seemed to be fully staffed but there were fewer patients.

Good luck with it all. Just think, it will all be done and dusted with by the new year

[MrsMot]

The 25th is a fabricated date anyway, you can make your Christmas the way you all want on the date you all want.

Wishing your mum all the best

[wigglesrock]

She should take the date, it's bad timing time wise but really it's not worth putting it off. As other posters have said the nursing staffing levels will be fine, the ward could well be quieter and in 2 weeks from now the op will be done. I wish your Mum all the very best, my Dad has just came out of hospital this week having had a tumour in his bowel removed.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

So sorry, OP. Why can't you speak for your mum (with her permission) to whoever needs to be spoken to? You have her best interests at heart, more than anyone else will. You should be able to act for her.

Please get that operation done, it's not worth waiting for because how are you going to enjoy Christmas with this hanging over you all? You could have a lovely Christmas afterwards when your mum is up to it, knowing that the surgery is behind her, not in front.

Christmas is an arbitrary (and not altogether agreed upon date), family celebration is anytime and for any reason - and you can still have turkey.