that one child might inherit more than another....(logical people needed for this!)

[thelmasmonkey]

I'm in the process of writing will with dh but don't know if what is a fair division of assets between dcs.

Dc1 is mine from a previous relationship. DC1's father is well off. Dc2 is from current relationship.

Dh and my assets are tied into our property.

Should our property be split fifty fifty between dc1 and dc2 in event of both our deaths?
Or should my half be split fifty fifty between children while his half goes to dc2. That means dc2 stands to inherit 3/4 of estate but dc1 might potentially inherit all of her fathers.
Dc1 would inherit from her father. Dc1 will also reside with her father in event of my death. If dh and I both die then dc 2 will be orphaned and need money to help with her upbringing.

What makes me uneasy though is that there's a small risk that dc1 might not inherit anything from her father and will only have 1/4 of current estate. But if we do split 50/50 dc1 stands to inherit a lot more if her father does leave her everything.

Confused?

Yes I am aware that dcs might not get anything as estate could be used to fund me and dh in old age but l also want to prepare for alternative too.

Any advice would be great.

[thelmasmonkey]

This is what google came up with on Second Wife Syndrome:

April please tell me how this is pertinent?

No First Wife expects to be an heiress when her ex-huband dies. Those who don't remarry have already accepted that they will never have the luxury of two incomes unless they work two or more jobs outside the home. First Wives do, however, expect their ex-husband to play fair when he writes a will and leaves everything to his Second Wife.

In many documented cases where a First Husband dies, the first thing the Second Wife does is run to the county clerk's office and probate her husband's will. Some do this in less than a month after his death. The minute all of the legalities are out of the way, these Second Wives run to a lawyer and use their survivor's rights to their husband's estate to get even with the First Wife and her children. Second Wife has a will written of her own. The only heirs are her children from her first marriage if any and the children of the second marriage. Slam dunk!

Cheated in Life of a Father and Cheated After His Death

When the Second Wife Syndrome is finalized, only she and any children of the second marriage are recognized as being her husband's "family." This has happened countless times when a combined will leaves an entire estate to the Second Wife. In many of these wills, the husband intended to leave equal shares "after" his Second Wife dies, not realizing his Second Wife has no intention of even recognizing his children of his first marriage as equal heirs.

In one case, the Second Wife had only two children from her first marriage. After probating the combined will and taking control of her newly acquired "estate," her two children became the only heirs even though the combined will indicated that upon her death the estate of their marriage was to be shared equally.

Tossing the Baggage

In the simple act of writing a combined will that included her deceased husband's personal intention to leave specific items to the children of his first marriage, all the Second Wife had to do was probate the combined will and write her own, dismissing completely her husband's intention. The husband she once wished didn't have a past. The husband she tried desperately to distance from the children of his first marriage. In effect, her great romance and marriage were really all about her.

Ironically, in one case, a fifth wife of a man who had only three children of his wife and two from her second marriage to another man, was left his $9 million estate. She probated his will in less than two months, wrote her own will and left "her" newly acquired estate to her two daughters. His two sons and daughter of his first marriage were effectively denied their rights to inheritance he specifically stated in the combined will with his fifth wife. Money and marriage make strange bedfellows.

An interesting anecdote in these Second Wives (or Fifth Wife) is how they suddenly maintained contact with their step children to discover whether or not the children planned to contest her will upon her death.

[cavkc]

I think it should be split 50/50

My DH and myself have a child each from a previous relationship. Ds father is on income support whilst my dss mother is fairly well off.

However we treat them equally and will each receive 50% of our estate.

[PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom]

OP- I am sorry that you feel sad. I think you need to focus on the most likely scenarios in which this will (and not one you might re-write in years to come) gets triggered. Those are:

• You die, and your DH is raising your DC and your eldest is living with her dad;

• Your DH dies and you are raising both children.

Far less likely, but possible, is that you and your DH both die and your child(ren) need to be provided for. (If your ex dies, you can revise your will, so discount that one).

You need to make the wills work best for those scenarios. The whys and wherefores of who might inherit in years to come are too numerous to account for all of them. You don't, and can't, know if your ex will have more children, or need to use his money elsewhere. You don't, and can't, know if your DH might remarry and have more children, or win the lottery or an unexpected inheritance himself in 20 years' time.

You are beating yourself up about inheritance, but both your children could easily be in their 70s before all three of you have died and it all finally pans out. Your focus needs to be on provision for your family, not the end result (not least because, if they finally inherit in their 60s or 70s, so much life will have been lived and financial positions changed that it probably has nothing to do with overall result).

[cavkc]

Should also have said ...

Our Wills are mirror images of one another's. Should one of us die, the house we live in at the time will be left 100% to our spouse. Any other assets/savings/investments etc will then be placed in a Trust, which the remaining spouse would in effect manage during their lifetime and can draw an income from. When that spouse dies all remaining monies will be split 50/50 between our two children.

Our solicitor called this the milkman clause, meaning should DH die and I marry the milkman I can't then disinherit my dss

[thelmasmonkey]

cav but if your dh dies he could sell his house or use trust money unwisely?

[hissingcat]

I think you should split 50/50 and not consider what DC1 may or may not inherit from her father as a lot can change in life.
up until I was 10 I had a loving (and wealthy) father who I saw regularly until he remarried, broke contact and hit the skids and I haven't seen him for over 20 years.
my DM died when I was in my 20s and despite her money supposed to get split 50/50 between me and her husband I ended up with nothing.
what would happen if you died first? Your dh would inherit everything and most likely leave it to DC2 his biological child.
what if DC 1 father remarries and has more children then he dies before his new partner. she could inherit 100% and cut your DC1 out.

[cavkc]

Regarding the house, it is only a small part of the estate, so we've taken the decision to trust one another on that one. We wanted the other to have no restrictions in what we would each do with the house during our remaining lifetime, if for example DH sold up and bought a yacht then good on him. The property is our gift to the other

I know one of us could use the trust unwisely, however we can't touch the capital only the income. Most of this will be in property and it's where we both have expertise so it's just a case of managing the properties and tenants and taking an income from that after expenses, council tax, property maintenance etc. when that spouse dies, the properties etc will belong 50/50 to our children

[mix56]

Also in my case, my father's money has ALL gone in carers fees.. so even if ExH has pots of gold, by the time he dies, he may well have nothing left.
You can only leave your share, 50/50, your OH leaves his to hid child, & your XH will leave to his child
if indeed there is anything left !

[Floggingmolly]

Why are you so certain that your ex won't have any more children???

[thelmasmonkey]

Flogging you haven't met him and yes I'm bonkers.

hissing how come you got nothing if u don't mind my asking?

[thegreylady]

You cannot, must not do other than 50/50 to your children. They are both your children they are not both your dh's children so his will may well leave a lion's share to his own child. No one would be hurt by that but your dc1 would be devastated to find she was valued so much less by you :(

[thelmasmonkey]

the grey my share will be split fifty fifty. I have mentioned this loads on thread.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Please, listen to penguins. It's quite unlikely that the will you make now will be the one in force when you die as you will change it with circumstance (for example - to include future grandchildren, to cover medical needs if either DD falls ill etc etc)

[toomuchcoffeetoomuchwine]

Split it equally down to the penny or start a nuclear war.

[hissingcat]

monkey I got nothing because there was no will left, just an assumption I would get half.

[thelmasmonkey]

toomuch have you bothered to read my op? How can I force dh to split his share. Mine will be split

[thelmasmonkey]

Sorryvto hear that hissing

[cozietoesie]

thelmasmonkey

This doesn't need to be your last will - in my own family we tend to rewrite our wills every two or three years - so why not just do a holding will to cover the next few years and then reassess the situation in a bit.

The thing to do is to consider what, broadly, you hope to achieve by leaving your estate. If your deep down aim is to influence people's lives from the grave it might be a very different document to that which would result from just trying to support people until X time when you're not around to provide as you would wish.

Have a think about your family situation and write something. The one thing I would say is do write something. Lack of a disposition can create many more problems for people at a time when they might find difficulty in coping with them.

[thelmasmonkey]

cozietoe thank you for your thought out and measured response. Also thanks to other posters who've taken time to explain thoughts.

I guess it makes sense to write will to protect children now and reevaluate. I've been putting this off as I didn't want to address these complexities.

[Got99problems]

Agree with PPs who have suggested that, for now, you leave the children equal parts (of the total estate of you and DH combined). Should exH die before you, you can then re-evaluate on the basis of what he has actually left DC1. If he doesn't die before you, as far as DC1 is concerned they will have inherited a huge amount less than their sibling (and will probably feel hurt and confused, as well as grieving for you).

[Bodicea]

Split 50/50 between your two children definately. You can't bank on anything from your first child's father. This is your estate - you can't treat them differently.

[SnowSpot]

Can I just add to this,

My DF told me he would be leaving my DB and I only a small amount in his will. The rest will go to my half-sister for precisely the reason you said. He said that my stepfather and mum would be leaving us money so it would all even out.

5 years on and SF and DM have had a horrible divorce, no money left there. And I'm too embarrassed by the grasping idea of pointing it out to my DF that it would no longer be a 'fair' split, as i believe people should do with their money as they seem fit. So as far as I know, my DStepsister will inherit over £150K, and we will be left much much less than that. I'm starting to think that my 'don't interfere with wills/money matters for other people' stance is looking a bit unfair!

[thelmasmonkey]

snowspot am sorry to hear this but I do think you should mention.

Are you close with stepsister? What does she think?

If you were to inherit large amount from DM and sf would you think df's will was fair then?

[mix56]

Where I live,(France) you cannot disinherit a child, they are by law given equal shares. A surviving spouse can live in the jointly owned property but cannot sell or give (your share) in it in any way to a future wife etc inversely, if any of the kids want their share of the property equity they have to wait until you kark it ! or provide you with alternative access that suits you.
(so, in many ways this could be very unfair, but saves a lot of bitching ! Imagine one handicapped child & another millionaire...)

in my case, my half is split into 3 parts between OH & our 2 kids, & his half go into 4 parts, to me & to his 3 DCs his 1st son & our joint 2

[mix56]

actually my error, he could give away his share, but not the share of the children. this equal split is standard