I want, I want, I want

[NamesNick]

from now on I am not responding to any request which does not include manners

I seem to be treated like a slave in this house expected to respond to every demand.

I want a cookie....no
I want a drink...you can have water (cue crying and whinging) maybe if you want cordial you will remember manners in future
do this
do that
get me this
get me that

I am ignoring all future demands

I am so pissed off with lack of manners in this house

may I hear some of your tips please? I am going out of my mind

[PoirotsMoustache]

I usually repeat 'Pardon?' until DS says please.

[passthedouche]

i do think that we expect too much of young children in this regard tbh. IMHO manners is something they will learn and pick up in their own time I think - as long as you model it. No need to pretend not to hear them, or demand it - I think that isn't respectful.

OP your kids are very young - if it really bothers you I would just meet their demands but tell them gently you prefer them to ask you nicely because you feel bossed about otherwise. We have never corrected our DC's manners, just used manners with them, and we always get comments about the politeness of our older two (13 and 14). With the younger DC's it is a bit hit and miss (6 and 4) but we are ok with that because they are still learning. We will say please and thank you for them if they forget in a social situation, rather than shame them or put them on the spot. As I was writing this my DD4 just said 'I want a orange'. I got one, cut it up and handed it to her and she said, 'thank you so much mummy that was so kind of you'. This isn't typical though, but she has her moments. Sweet girl.

[BrowersBlues]

Names, I recommend zero tolerance with the 'get me this' and 'I want' lark. I am a veteran with 2 teenagers who given full rein would demolish me. Please take it from me. Don't waste your energy ranting and raving or trying to explain things. Make it short and simple - ;don't speak to me like that; - end of debate. Say it once and walk away and never ever give in.

Don't give them so much as a biscuit unless they speak to you in a civil tone. Give them nothing unless they clean their rooms and I mean nothing.

Take it from me!!!

[ProcessYellowC]

YANBU to ignore. Manners are one thing that both DH and I feel really strongly about and we just ignored DS if helpful reminders didn't work. He's 6 now and they are so strongly instilled in him that he corrects himself if he forgets them.

I have no experience in what it's like looking after 4, but I come from a big family where I remember occasions where my parents had let me and my brother slip into bad habits then clearly regretted it when they had another to look after! Would it at all work to sit the older one(s) down (when you are calm) and explain that you are going to start enforcing manners from now on, because of x,y,z , and it might not be easy but you would really like their help in showing and helping the younger children?

[Bulbasaur]

Whenever I babysit children I always retort with either
"No" if they can't have it.
Or.
"How interesting I want that too". Then go back to doing what I was doing.

It leaves them slightly confused for a bit, but they catch on fast as they test how to properly ask and follow it up with some variation of "So..uhm.. can I have one?"

"Oh! You're asking for one?"
"Yeah"
"How do we ask?"

Cue manners. I thank them for using such good manners, and tell them when they use them it makes me want to do more things for them, which encourages them to continue doing so.

(and yes, I do get the occasional boundary testing of "Well give me on then!", and they get a swift kick in the ass for it)

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

I like YellowTulip's method, changing the time gap depending on age. So, a shorter wait for the younger children than older.

[claraschu]

I actually agree with PasstheDouche. I have seen too many parents treat kids really rudely, including one who very aggressively told a shy 4 year old that if she didn't say "thank you for having me" she could never come play at our house again. This made me feel embarrassed and upset as I was saying goodbye. It humiliated the little girl and made her feel resentful, not thankful for the nice time she had.

Children learn by imitation. If you are polite and considerate of other people's feelings and explain and give gentle reminders, kids pick up the right words, but more importantly, the right tone and the feeling of gratitude which makes the words mean something.

[cheesecakemom]

"What do we say?"
This is what I say when my 3 yo forgets.
It works.

[BadLad]

Start singing the Rolling Stones song:

You can't always get what you want.

[rumbelina]

Badlad I do that

And just 'pardon' until asked nicely.

[ClangerOnaComeDown]

I just do 'the look' - they soon realise and try again.

[dwinnol]

DS will put his hand out for the drink I have brought him without looking up from whatever he's doing and it used to drive me crazy. Now I hang on to it for dear life until He looks at me and says thank you.

[KittyandTeal]

When I'm teaching if I come across an 'I want...' Or a 'do this for me...' I usually just say 'that's nice'.

My 2yo has to say please before I get her anything (we're still in the 'I want' phase but that's a language thing and I demand manners as well) and say thank you when she gets something. It usually takes a bit of 'what do you say?' prompting but she's starting to say it without prompting.

Basically I refuse to do anything for a child (mine or someone else's) without basic manners. (Unless the child is non verbal obviously!)

[ZingOfSeven]

"...and I want a pony. we just both have to be disappointed"

[Idontseeanysontarans]

I'm another one who says Pardon until they say please, although alternating with 'and I want a million pounds and a boat' seems to get the message across!
I've always been pretty hot on manners from an early age though so it's been drilled into them just as it was drilled into me.
Even at DS's worst point last year at school when some of his teachers were despairing of him I still got "but Mrs Idont his manners are beautiful" off the HOY!

[BeCool]

"I want never gets"
I hate this saying and would never use it. It seems to be saying don't have any desires goals or aspirations.

I use a combo of "the look" and "what do we say" or similar.

Dc 6 & 3 have pretty good manners.

[poolomoomon]

Ha! My mother used to do the "I want never gets" thing too. I never want to find myself repeating any of her phrases so haven't used that one.

I say "Do you know what I want? A please." And if they didn't quite get that I rephrase it for them "not I want, please may I have." And they don't get until they say it correctly.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

4 children and they are generally all the same in this respect.
You are the parents and only you can instill this respect in them.

only making it because he didn't fancy the FREE school dinner today
'I don't quite fancy the free school meal today mother'
'Tough'.

[BadLad]

' I usually just say 'that's nice'.

In a Mrs Brown voice, I hope.

[throckenholt]

I honestly feel I am always repeating myself. its just not going in!

par for the course with littlies. It is going in - you will hear your words repeated back at you in the future :)

For my part, I usually either made a joke of it - eg "that's interesting - I want a sports car, but you don't always get what you want." (or some other equally unlikely thing), or I say "I think you have forgotten something, I think maybe you meant to say can I have x please. Is that what you meant to say ?"

And sometimes (if the request is unreasonable - eg 7th biscuit in half an hour) - assuming they then ask nicely, I will come back with - it is great to hear you ask nicely - but the answer is still no - no-one gets 7 biscuits in half and hour (make a joke of it and take the sting out of it). Because they also have to learn that just because they ask nicely they don't always get what they want.

It does get knackering though.

[WeirdCatLady]

Gawd, I can hear my mother saying "I want never gets" even now hehe

[blanklook]

I agree with the poster upthread, If you don't ask 'What do you want' they won't reply with 'I want'

"I want doesn't get" was a standard phrase in every household when I was young.

[NamesNick]

Thanks for all the responses, and tips.

DP and I always use please and thank you when asking the dc (or each other) to do things, we praise them for using manners and also reward. We also ask 'what would you like..?' instead of 'what do you want..?'

I am one to choose my battles, but this is a battle I'm prepared to fight because I am fed up with the spoilt attitudes. God knows how they have become so rude!

[RiverTam]

DD is 4, nearly 5, and right from the start 'I want' has been met with 'you mean, I would like please' or 'please may I have'. I just look at her now and it gets rephrased pretty smartish! It is about my only parenting success.

Agree with having to stop using 'want' yourself, which is quite hard!