I want, I want, I want

[NamesNick]

from now on I am not responding to any request which does not include manners

I seem to be treated like a slave in this house expected to respond to every demand.

I want a cookie....no
I want a drink...you can have water (cue crying and whinging) maybe if you want cordial you will remember manners in future
do this
do that
get me this
get me that

I am ignoring all future demands

I am so pissed off with lack of manners in this house

may I hear some of your tips please? I am going out of my mind

[AlexD72]

I ignore until they remember to use manners. I also say I want does not get and please say I would like or can I please have.
I was always taught to ask in a polite way to say please and thank you and be polite.
It really gets to me if people are rude.

[BirdhouseInYourSoul]

I always answer with "really?" and carry on with whatever I'm doing.

If he keeps repeating I want I eventually ask if he knows the proper way to ask for something and he gets it. However, the really? thing works well enough now. He is generally asking nicely the first time now.

I have him utterly convinced that my ears don't hear whingey voices though. I kept saying I couldn't hear what he was saying and asking him to repeat it in his nice voice...

[Summerisle1]

"...and what's the magic word?"

Another of my mother's sayings. Unfortunately when I addressed it to ds2 he answered "Abracadabra".

[QTPie]

I hate "I want" :(

I always say "sorry?" or, if I have to, say "how do you say it nicely?".

I always aim for "I would like ... Please"

[NamesNick]

I have today implemented a behaviour chart for each dc.

all have the same heading
manners
tidy
dinner
behaviour

I explained to them what they need to do to gain a smiley under each category and wrote it all on a poster for them.

it is now hanging in the kitchen and is visible to all.

The conversation went very well, I felt they were all listening and taking in

manners have been impeccable since

early days, but a start at least.
thanks for the opportunity just to vent yesterday

[AgentAlice]

I respond with:

'I want doesn't get'

'He/she who shouts loudest goes last' so if they are all waiting for something to be handed out the person sitting the quietest gets served first, this includes play-date guests when they are here, the person making the biggest fuss goes last. It works really well in this house.

'can you ask properly please'

When they are small I look at them and say 'P....' and they get the message and say 'please may I...' It is not ok for them to just say 'please' I make them repeat a whole new sentence.

DH and I are now in the habit of not saying 'want' ourselves.

I also like a 'thank you' afterwards, I give them a thank you if they have passed something to me or brought me something.

'I am not your servant also works well' if they are demanding, the have learnt with me that if they carry on being rude they simply will not get what they are after.

I think it also helps that both sets of parents expect the same as we so there is none of this, 'oh, don't be hard on them...'

[RiverTam]

DD is 4, nearly 5, and right from the start 'I want' has been met with 'you mean, I would like please' or 'please may I have'. I just look at her now and it gets rephrased pretty smartish! It is about my only parenting success.

Agree with having to stop using 'want' yourself, which is quite hard!

[NamesNick]

Thanks for all the responses, and tips.

DP and I always use please and thank you when asking the dc (or each other) to do things, we praise them for using manners and also reward. We also ask 'what would you like..?' instead of 'what do you want..?'

I am one to choose my battles, but this is a battle I'm prepared to fight because I am fed up with the spoilt attitudes. God knows how they have become so rude!

[blanklook]

I agree with the poster upthread, If you don't ask 'What do you want' they won't reply with 'I want'

"I want doesn't get" was a standard phrase in every household when I was young.

[WeirdCatLady]

Gawd, I can hear my mother saying "I want never gets" even now hehe

[throckenholt]

I honestly feel I am always repeating myself. its just not going in!

par for the course with littlies. It is going in - you will hear your words repeated back at you in the future :)

For my part, I usually either made a joke of it - eg "that's interesting - I want a sports car, but you don't always get what you want." (or some other equally unlikely thing), or I say "I think you have forgotten something, I think maybe you meant to say can I have x please. Is that what you meant to say ?"

And sometimes (if the request is unreasonable - eg 7th biscuit in half an hour) - assuming they then ask nicely, I will come back with - it is great to hear you ask nicely - but the answer is still no - no-one gets 7 biscuits in half and hour (make a joke of it and take the sting out of it). Because they also have to learn that just because they ask nicely they don't always get what they want.

It does get knackering though.

[BadLad]

' I usually just say 'that's nice'.

In a Mrs Brown voice, I hope.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

4 children and they are generally all the same in this respect.
You are the parents and only you can instill this respect in them.

only making it because he didn't fancy the FREE school dinner today
'I don't quite fancy the free school meal today mother'
'Tough'.

[poolomoomon]

Ha! My mother used to do the "I want never gets" thing too. I never want to find myself repeating any of her phrases so haven't used that one.

I say "Do you know what I want? A please." And if they didn't quite get that I rephrase it for them "not I want, please may I have." And they don't get until they say it correctly.

[BeCool]

"I want never gets"
I hate this saying and would never use it. It seems to be saying don't have any desires goals or aspirations.

I use a combo of "the look" and "what do we say" or similar.

Dc 6 & 3 have pretty good manners.

[Idontseeanysontarans]

I'm another one who says Pardon until they say please, although alternating with 'and I want a million pounds and a boat' seems to get the message across!
I've always been pretty hot on manners from an early age though so it's been drilled into them just as it was drilled into me.
Even at DS's worst point last year at school when some of his teachers were despairing of him I still got "but Mrs Idont his manners are beautiful" off the HOY!

[ZingOfSeven]

"...and I want a pony. we just both have to be disappointed"

[KittyandTeal]

When I'm teaching if I come across an 'I want...' Or a 'do this for me...' I usually just say 'that's nice'.

My 2yo has to say please before I get her anything (we're still in the 'I want' phase but that's a language thing and I demand manners as well) and say thank you when she gets something. It usually takes a bit of 'what do you say?' prompting but she's starting to say it without prompting.

Basically I refuse to do anything for a child (mine or someone else's) without basic manners. (Unless the child is non verbal obviously!)

[dwinnol]

DS will put his hand out for the drink I have brought him without looking up from whatever he's doing and it used to drive me crazy. Now I hang on to it for dear life until He looks at me and says thank you.

[ClangerOnaComeDown]

I just do 'the look' - they soon realise and try again.

[rumbelina]

Badlad I do that

And just 'pardon' until asked nicely.

[BadLad]

Start singing the Rolling Stones song:

You can't always get what you want.

[cheesecakemom]

"What do we say?"
This is what I say when my 3 yo forgets.
It works.

[claraschu]

I actually agree with PasstheDouche. I have seen too many parents treat kids really rudely, including one who very aggressively told a shy 4 year old that if she didn't say "thank you for having me" she could never come play at our house again. This made me feel embarrassed and upset as I was saying goodbye. It humiliated the little girl and made her feel resentful, not thankful for the nice time she had.

Children learn by imitation. If you are polite and considerate of other people's feelings and explain and give gentle reminders, kids pick up the right words, but more importantly, the right tone and the feeling of gratitude which makes the words mean something.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

I like YellowTulip's method, changing the time gap depending on age. So, a shorter wait for the younger children than older.