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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this teacher rude and should I say something?

110 replies

farendofafart · 18/11/2014 17:54

As I met my DD out of school today her teacher made a beeline for me and said in an authoratitative manner (which is her usual manner to be fair), "Can I ask you not to send DD to school again wearing the coat you've been sending her in?"

I was totally perplexed as her coat is a completely ordinary, plain, padded winter coat, brand new last month.

It turns out that the zip has been causing problems (although I wasn't aware of this and it hasn't caused me any problems) and DD has "missed 40 minutes of her education today because of time spent with three adults trying to get her out of her coat."

Whilst I understand this must have been super annoying for her teacher, I can't help thinking her approach with me was unnecessarily rude. Added to the fact that I am a single parent on benefits at the moment (which her teacher should know as DD is on FSM) and I cannot afford a new coat at a moment's notice.

I'm quite prepared to be told I'm BU. I'm a bit hormonal and life is a bit of a struggle right now so it could just be me being over sensitive.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 18/11/2014 19:03

I would have laughed. Honestly three people taking 40 minutes to get a child out of a coat. It's a wonder they didn't call the fire brigade. Maybe it's a staff training issue. It usually is.

lljkk · 18/11/2014 19:12

tbh, I would find 8 quid a very high price in a charity shop, more like 4-5 usually.

Why would the girl's teacher know that the girl is on FSM?

MindReader · 18/11/2014 19:16

Presumably not, Chimes but she DID get very snotty with child's parent and that isn't exactly professional, is it?

muttynutty · 18/11/2014 19:19

I think she spent all 8 hours of her day thinking how can I wind up farendofart - I know I will make her spend money and buy a new coat and be really rude about her childs zip.

She would not have spent the day teaching, motivating, educating 30 children - trying to keep 29 of them occupied while one child could not put her own coat on or off. Oh no she would have had time to cook up a plan just to be awkward.

If the zip was stuck at the top there is no way you can pull if over their heads, if the zip had ripped the fabric I can already read the aibu thread title about teachers carelessness.

Move on - give the teacher and break and make sure your child can take their own clothes on and off

Original poster

farendofafart · 18/11/2014 19:41

lljkk - children on FSM are supposed to be known to teachers just as children on statements are, because they can have extra needs due to poverty and/or chaotic backgrounds. The school also receives quite a lot of extra money for FSM children. This is all because they (statistically) have worse outcomes than other children.

I know all this because I am usually, when not being a single mother on benefits, a teacher myself, albeit secondary, where children with problem coats tend to sort it out by themselves

But I would never have spoken so rudely to a parent, especially one with a child on FSM. Hence me posting this.

Haven't found the receipt yet. Still looking.

OP posts:

Jane2997 · 18/11/2014 19:45

A rub with a candle can fix sticky zips - unless the problem is that the fabric is getting tangled or if the zip is actually breaking.

jamdonut · 18/11/2014 19:48

She was a bit tactless, certainly, but when zips get caught on the material they are really difficult to undo, and you daren't pull too hard in case you tear it! You cannot necessarily pull coats over heads, it depends whereabouts the zip gets stuck, or if the coat is close fitting. I speak from experience. I think it is wrong to brand 3 adults as stupid, for taking so long - you have no idea of the circumstances!

I would just check the zip, make sure she can do it properly herself and send her in it again if all is well. The teacher was probably just feeling frustrated because such a lot of time is spent in a day, especially this time of year, with coats that need doing up, children who insist on changing from shoes to boots each playtime, shoelaces that need to be tied and woolly tights that need help putting back on after PE...it all adds up ,you know!

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 18/11/2014 19:49

Catsarebastards · 18/11/2014 20:02

Is there any chance the coat has buttons or toggles she could fasten it with instead of the zip?

ZippyKerfuffle · 18/11/2014 20:02

I expect the reason it took 3 members of staff 40 minutes was because there had to be a risk assessment before they attempted such a hazardous task.

DoJo · 18/11/2014 20:03

Just another potential solution if all else fails (although it definitely sounds as though the shop should offer you a refund) - iron on velcro to be used instead of a zip and will be much cheaper than replacing the coat or even just the zip.

Camolips · 18/11/2014 20:08

The teacher wouldn't have expected you to go and buy a new one! All this stuff about how the teacher should have instant recall on each parent's financial situation! She would have assumed you had another one at home. Not outrageous really.

Poofus · 18/11/2014 20:08

Try the pencil trick - it works! Rub a pencil lead up and down the zip and it will run smoothly and easily.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 18/11/2014 20:08

Camo Not outrageous but ignorant for a teacher.

seagull70 · 18/11/2014 20:13

Two whole man-hours to extricate a child from a coat?

WooWooOwl · 18/11/2014 20:14

Whatever the teachers thoughts are on OPs financial situation doesn't really matter. It's not too much for her to ask that children are sent to school in functional coats.

You would be amazed at how many don't.

ProjectGainsborough · 18/11/2014 20:18

It's hilariously pompous, when you think about it. As if you have been maliciously sending the child in with an imploding zip.

I would just have a quiet snigger about it and move on. If you feel compelled to address it, then perhaps just quietly point out that you can't afford to buy another coat right now, but have fixed the zip / sewn in velcro / returned the coat.

pieceofpurplesky · 18/11/2014 20:18

Firstly the OP does not say the teacher was rude - she says she spoke to her in her usual manner ... And asks if we think it was rude. We were not there so none of us know. It was not rude and a lot of comments on here just oh to show why teachers are leaving the job!
It once took me and two colleagues nearly an hour to remove a 15 year old boy from a coat - not all at the same time. It was stuck fast at the neck, couldn't go over his head and his mum 'will kill me' if it got broken ...
Maybe the teacher should just have cut it off and handed it to the OP in a plastic bag? Or not mentioned it and had the OPs child upset and miss more lessons? Or just left the child in it all day to let the OP deal with?
Damned if she does, damned if she doesn't ....

pieceofpurplesky · 18/11/2014 20:18

Go not oh

Noggie · 18/11/2014 20:20

If your daughter is about 8 I could send you a jacket.

TheReluctantCountess · 18/11/2014 20:22

Three adults. Not necessarily teachers. More likely members of office staff.

ProjectGainsborough · 18/11/2014 20:29

But what if a child is sent to school in a functioning coat which malfunctions at school ?

Whose fault is it? The parent's? The school's? The manufacturer's? Or is it just one of those things and probably not worth being snotty about?

Catsarebastards · 18/11/2014 20:31

Maybe the teacher should just have cut it off and handed it to the OP in a plastic bag? Or not mentioned it and had the OPs child upset and miss more lessons? Or just left the child in it all day to let the OP deal with?

Or, and bear with me because this is a crazy suggestion, someone could have phoned OP after a few minutes of trying and said "DDs coat is stuck fast. Do you want us to cut it or do you want to come in and take her out of school to try yourself"

Camolips · 18/11/2014 20:38

I can just imagine the AIBU on here at that last suggestion!

Catsarebastards · 18/11/2014 20:42

"Aibu to think a school should be able to get a child's coat off without help from a parent"

Ans: YANBU

YANBU

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