about how the school handled reception's first day?

[QueenofKelsingra]

DS started reception today. We had a home visit over the summer with his teacher who explained that we would be welcome to bring them in on the first day, find their peg with them, see them settled for a few minutes and then leave.

We then hear nothing from the school - no letter or anything to let us know the timings/requirements for the first day (I've had to phone the office to get the actually school day times as not on the website or anything).

Get to school this morning, walk up to the door and the headmistress is there. DS is 2 steps ahead of me and walks through and then the head stops me and says 'no parents coming in' and sticks her arm across the door and ushers me around away from the door. DS is already a few steps down corridor and then gone.

I am really really pissed off as it meant I didn't get to say goodbye on his first day!! he was already down the hall being ushered by the TA so didn't hear me call to him.

To be clear, I didn't expect him to have an issue, he was very much looking forward to it and so was I. if they had told us in the first place we had to drop at the door I would have said goodbye before we got to the door.

AIBU to be really annoyed (and a bit upset) that because they changed the rules without telling us I didn't get to say goodbye, give a hug and a kiss to DS on his first day?
I don't really think he will have had an issue however we ALWAYS say goodbye before I leave him somewhere and IF he had turned around and seen I had just vanished without saying goodbye he could have been upset and it would have been needless. I feel I should say something about the way this has been handled.

Just to emphasise I have no issue with a 'drop at door' policy, i never planned to do more that find his peg and send him on in with a hug and a kiss, my issue is they changed it and gave me no option to say goodbye to my child.

[Sizzlesthedog]

I find this strange, and something I'll have to get used to. But my child can go in, and I can't? It makes me uncomfortable. Can't put my finger on it, but it doesn't sound very nice.

[QueenofKelsingra]

that's part of it too sizzles. it would be nice to know where his peg is etc so I can visualise where he spends his day. I also don't like the feeling that I'm not 'allowed' to be where my child is.

[Only1scoop]

Get there a little earlier and ask to see these things?

Is this no parents in just on first day?

[Sizzlesthedog]

YANBU

I'm afraid I would have made a fuss. I will be/am one of those parents.

Yes I understand many parents in the way, causing a flap etc.

I would expect to meet the teacher and see the classroom. Say goodbye and then say goodbye at the gate in future.

However, I would expect any school caring for my child to allow me access to my child on the first drop off. Makes me feel they are hiding something and makes me feel very very uncomfortable.

[QueenofKelsingra]

it's normal for the kids to be dropped at the door of their building by parents. we were just specifically told that for the first day we would be welcome to come in and settle them.

its sillythings like he had a bag, pe kit and lunchbox - did he manage to get them all to the right places? the pe bag is a school one so identical to everyone elses - if he didn't get it to the peg has it already got lost in the ether of lost property? if he didn't get his lunchbox on the rack did he get his lunch?

half an hour to go!

[QueenofKelsingra]

sizzles I have spent all day wishing I had said something at the time but I was not expecting it to happen and by the time I realised he was out of sight round the corner and the next parents were stood in the doorway. it happened really fast.

[Applejuice70]

YANBU.The exact same thing happened to Dd with DGS this morning.

[RhiWrites]

I would want to talk to the Head about this and explain that the teacher specifically said we'd be welcome to come in. Did you do this, OP?

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I am going to phrase this as carefully as I can.

A lot of what you are talking about is what would make you feel more comfortable about him starting school. You want to come in to make sure he is settled and you know where things are. All of this is completely understandable. However, the HT might had felt that the children would settle better if they had a low key one minute the parents are there and the next they are not start rather than a long drawn out goodbye.

DS1 would have been fine with the long drawn out goodbye whereas DS2 had to be a drop and run otherwise he would get upset.

[MarchEliza]

YANBU - because you were expecting and had planned for a particular senario and got another one, the school has marred what should be a really lovely day and a great memory for you and your DC.

Luckily your DS is excited and confident about starting school but others may not be and this could have been very scary for them. Poor show of the school I think.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I agree with chaz

Trying to find your peg and class room amongst 30+adults is far more traumatic that just dropping and going.

Imagine bring 3 ft tall and surrounded by strangers in a space you thought was just for children and teachers.

I wouldn't want to go in tbh parents get in the way and being there makes kids far more likely to be scared and upset.

Doesn't sound well handled though

[Ragwort]

Agree with Chaz & Giles - it is very difficult if every parent (sometimes both plus various grandparents/siblings etc) want to come in and say 'good bye'.

Of course it should have been explained a lot better but, let it go, there will be far more important things to deal with in the future. And really, why are you discussing this with other parents on FB - I was out celebrating when my DS started school. . Check your privacy settings, it is very easy for schools to check what parents say on FB - wasn't someone done for libel once over this sort of thing?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

People also bring husbands/wives/friends/grandparents etc. That's a lot of people in a small space and a small child could easily be injured or escape as no one could see them amongst the crowds

[Gileswithachainsaw]

X posts

[CheesyBadger]

That would annoy me too. Definitely say something as there may have been children this really got to, and will upset in future years

[QueenofKelsingra]

chaz it wasn't that I 'wanted' to go in to say goodbye, just that we were told we would be going in with them and then were stopped at the door so no chance to say goodbye.

this is not about what would have made me feel better about him starting school - I was very excited on his behalf, he is really ready to be at school and would have no problem with a drop and run policy IF it had been set out from the start that was the deal. if I had known I would have said goodbye in the playground and sent him on in quite happily. IMO it is important to say a proper goodbye, moreover my kids would expect me to as that is what we have always done. I don't believe in sneaking off on them.

giles I agree, it would have been pandemonium with that many adults and kids BUT we were told that was what would be happening.

Anyway, my DS was fine, a few of the others really were not and very upset about it. parents had said to their kids 'we'll be coming in to see your class' and then didn't do it - to a four year old this can be quite upsetting.

I spoke to the teacher who apologise and explained that there had been a 'misunderstanding' and 'slight miscommunication' about what was going to happen. reading between the lines I think the pain in the arse head overruled the teacher's plan.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I agree it was handled badly and communication should have been better. I was wondering the HT had overruled the teacher because she didn't think the teacher's plan was in the best interests of the children.

I am glad your DS was fine as that is the main thing.

Some teachers and HT can be tricky to deal with and I have always been quite circumspect in raising issues because there will be plenty of them over the years and you have to work out what's best for your child.

[middlings]

Sounds to me like the Head has absolutely no ability to think about how four year olds will perceive things. You can't tell a child you're going to do something like that and then just not do it. My DD1 is only 2.4 and I wouldn't tell her I'm going to do something and then not do it!

Glad your DS was ok OP. At least you can make yourself better prepared for dealing with the Head in the future, sounds like you're going to need to.

[QueenofKelsingra]

ragwort I was discussing it in a closed group for other parents in my DS's year group. not putting it out for the whole world to see. similar to coming on here, I was discussing it to see if I was overreacting about being annoyed, it seems not as they all felt the same.

[QueenofKelsingra]

thank you middlings that is exactly my point.

yes, the head is a nightmare, but hopefully wont be there long, one more year tops I think. (and pray, I only went with this school in the end as the head is non-teaching and hopefully soon moving on!)

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Has your child settled and had a good day? If he has then there is no point to all this fuss.
First day and already you are looking for a fight. You are over-reacting.

[NadiaWadia]

YANBU it was thoughtless of the school. If they wanted to do this, they should have informed the parents beforehand. Poor communication. And the HT was rude. Unfortunately you do get many headteachers, particularly in primary schools, who are on a bit of a power trip and don't have very good people skills. Still, hopefully if the teacher herself is fine, all will be OK.

There was a head like this at my DD's first primary school and it was a bit old fashioned and rigid. But after a year we moved and when my DCs started the new primary school parents were allowed in every morning right up until the end of year two. Just one thing that made the school feel lovely and welcoming. However, I think they eventually had to stop that as it just used up too much time, so they had to cut it back.

But not allowing reception children to be brought in on the first day? Are they considering the children's needs or their own convenience first?

[Only1scoop]

Was it just you they didn't let in??

[QueenofKelsingra]

do you think it was because I was in my onsie only1scoop ?

[Nanny0gg]

Has your child settled and had a good day? If he has then there is no point to all this fuss. First day and already you are looking for a fight. You are over-reacting.

I disagree. If the HT unnecessarily pisses off the parents it sets the tone for the rest of the time at school. There was no need.

And I hate schools that don't give out clear information. Ours is brilliant. Pre-starting meeting. Lots of info in a pack and on the website.

Teachers greet the reception children at the door every day with the TAs inside to sort out hanging up coats. They have boxes at the ready for lunchboxes and bookbags so the children have a routine from day one.

Hope he had a good day.