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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

hairy pits

194 replies

HeyKu · 28/08/2014 10:18

I was on the train the other day in a sleeveless top and had a good stretch. I noticed the lady on the row of seats opposite looking curiously at my pits - I don't shave through personal choice, it doesn't personally bother me hence I see no point, I was just curious to know what people actually thought? I've not had any comments, save for people discussing how disgusting they think hairy armpits on women are in general and then looking horribly embarassed when they realise that I do .

OP posts:

hollie84 · 28/08/2014 22:06

Cultural conditioning is a very weird thing.

Why is head hair perfectly ok, but a few inches south arm pit hair makes some feel sick?

Very odd!

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 28/08/2014 22:07

YANBU. I don't get the "gross" comments. How is pit hair gross?
It's how the body is naturally.
I shave my pits about once a week because I don't have the guts to go out unshaven (because I know some people would think me gross).
I don't shave my legs during the winter and would prefer not to shave them at all but again too scared of people judging to not shave in the summer.

NamesNick · 28/08/2014 22:09

I remove all hair. for me its about feeling cleaner and my spiky under chin hairs itch too much.

im as bald as a coot. ..apart from my head hair. .think 'brave' a mass of red curls

MrSheen · 28/08/2014 22:10

I have a wee bit of a thing for women with hairy pits. I hate hairy men which may be because I like androgynous people generally, so exaggerated secondary sexual characteristics are a bit of a turn off or because men in my culture aren't very hairy so I didn't grow up seeing it. I remember reading a David Sedaris story about when he was in Japanese swimming pool 'Nobody else had any hair on their chest, and I have hair on my back'.

cantbelievemyeyes · 28/08/2014 22:38

Some of the attitudes on this thread are hard for me to read. I'm very hairy and dark haired so was tormented through school and beyond- even more so when I started with underarm and pubic hair much earlier than everyone else. Other kids called me gross and disgusting and clearly many adults feel the same now.

I do shave my legs and armpits when people will be able to see them, because years of cruel comments and looks left me feeling really self conscious about it. I do wish I didn't give a shit what other people thought as it would make life so much easier!

PacificDogwood · 28/08/2014 22:40

Social conditioning is truly shit when you don't fit the perceived 'norm'. And the number of people who will totally deny that they are at all influenced by societal pressures in their 'choices' is just staggering. Have some insight, people.

cantbelievemyeyes, that sounds horrible.

carlywurly · 28/08/2014 22:49

I epilate. Agony the first time, totally painless now and takes 2 mins once a week.

I do this because I like the look and feel of smooth skin. I hate stubble. Other then on my head, I'd be hair free everywhere given the choice. That's my preference and not anything I feel pressured to do.

However, I genuinely would not give two hoots if anyone else did differently. Each to their own.

Viviennemary · 28/08/2014 22:50

Can'tbelievemyeyes please don't be upset by this. I'm feeling quite guilty now. I'm a person that finds underarm hair horrible. So I shave mine off. I don't think it's conditioning as my Mum didn't believe in shaving her underarms as she was one of those I'm not conforming types. But she did sometimes in summer. I'd rather not have any body hair tbh. But I've got it like everyone else.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 28/08/2014 23:10

I'm not bothered either way OP. I shave myself because I'm very dark haired and dislike it on myself under the arms but on others it's never bothered me. For me personally, I sweat a lot more with hair there though I can't shave every day and often have a lot longer in winter.

Looking around the pool this evening, some women and men shave all over- the more serious swimmers mainly- but a lot of us just doing it as a bit of exercise seem to be a mixed bunch. Some of the guys are very hairy (think the guy shampooing his back style), some are just so hairless you'd think they shaved (I had a good long look at several of the hot ones to check and the hair is less but there :) ). The women: the teens are all shaved from what I can see. The other women over 25ish, some have leg hair, some have armpit hair, some probably like me have bikini too and are wearing the 'shorts/skirts' combo to hide. Some have none, never really noticed or looked tbh but it's interesting to see the variation.

The only time armpit hair ever bothered me was on the tube when some sweaty mining smelling guy thrust his armpit in my face as he bundled onto the train. And then it was less the hair and more the musky stench.

itsbetterthanabox · 28/08/2014 23:39

Viviennemary that's not how social conditioning works. Your mum is one person but the whole rest of the society and media is much more influential. If all other women around you say it's normal and your mum is abnormal, if men say women must be hairless to be attractive and if all women in the public eye are hairless then that will make you feel you should shave to feel attractive, normal.

CallieG · 29/08/2014 15:32

I stopped shaving my pits about the same time I stopped being able to shave my legs, it's been about 10 years give or take a month or so since I have had sex and about 15 years since I have been on a date, I can't see either one happening again in this life time and seeing as my pit hair is strawberry blonde and almost invisible I don't care, no more rashes and ingrown hairs, eva.

Lookingforadvice123 · 29/08/2014 15:46

I also shave and would never let them get hairy, I dislike body hair in general so it's lucky for me that I'm fair!

People's personal preferences don't bother me at all, everyone's got them. What I THOROUGHLY DISLIKE is people claiming they don't shave in the name of feminism. It is not the 60's/70's and the second wave of feminism ffs. It's about choice nothing more!

My Dh is very dark and hairy (everywhere but his head ) and trims his body hair, pubes, under arm, chest etc. it's called grooming, and his choice is that he prefers to have trimmed and groomed hair.

kimb0 · 29/08/2014 16:03

If I ever notice a lady with hairy pits or legs I always feel a glimmer of pride for her and a twinge of shame for me that I just can't get past the societal pressure around body hair.

However, that's not to say I'm disciplined at hair removal - it doesn't suit my skin well (any method) and so most of the time I'm pretty furry all over - I just cover up.

RahRahRasputin · 29/08/2014 16:16

I wouldn't bat an eyelid. Various women in my life are fairly relaxed about hair removal, so I do see the occasional hairy armpit/legs. I shave mine and I do feel sweatier when I haven't but I wonder if that stops once the hair has grown back a bit.

The only time I've been shocked by body hair was when I came out of the showers at the gym and a lady was totally naked with one leg up on the bench using one of the communal hair dryers to give herself a blow dry downstairs!

itsbetterthanabox · 29/08/2014 16:37

Lookingforadvice123 why do you say it isn't about feminism? If anything there is much more pressure women to remove hair now than back in the 60's. People didn't wax all their pubes off then. If it were simply about choice then 12 year old girls wouldn't feel deep shame that they have grown armpit hair and feel they have to remove it and 12 year old boys wouldn't take the piss out of girls who don't! There is clearly a lot of pressure to remove hair.

neversleepagain · 29/08/2014 18:16

I don't shave my arm pits unless they will be on show. I wish I was brave like you :)

icanmakeyouicecream · 29/08/2014 18:23

OP I would think that you couldn't be arsed and you've probably got a massive hairy bush too

No judgement though, doesn't bother me either way, that's just what would come into my head!

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/08/2014 18:32

I don't like body hair, on myself or any of my partners.

I'm not naturally hairy at all, people have asked if I shave my forearms (do people actually do that?!) before.

But I'm unlikely to be checking you out as a prospective partner so it wouldn't bother me. Might catch my eye because it is unusual but I wouldn't care enough to gawp.

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/08/2014 18:33

To be clear, I only have one partner. I meant partners currently and in the past

Mintyy · 29/08/2014 18:38

I'm really really REALLY shocked at the number of people who think armpit hair is gross!

Shocked, I am .

But I'm trying to envisage op having "a good stretch" on the train. Perhaps the lady opposite you thought you was a bit about that rather than your armpits.

Original poster

HeyKu · 29/08/2014 18:44

Ican you'd be right , it all started with the bush as I have a lot of gynae issues and I personally found that I got less infections when I left it alone (and also couldn't be doing with the itching/painful ingrown hairs when that area was already in pain!)

Mintyy my good old stretch might've been more vigorous than I realised so perhaps that explains her bemusement, either way it just got me thinking!

OP posts:

Mintyy · 29/08/2014 18:47

Yes, keeping your pubes is more hygienic, but people don't want to hear it.

icanmakeyouicecream · 29/08/2014 19:09

I would be happy to leave the bush on the top (not sure OH would agree) it's the under carriage I always like to keep smooth. If we all left our bodies alone there probably would be less issues to be honest..

Writerwannabe83 · 29/08/2014 19:32

Smooth undercarriage
Completely agree!!!

JustAShopGirl · 29/08/2014 19:36

noooooooooooooo - why would you want to introduce the possibility of infection or ingrown hair down there- either by ripping the hair out (sorry, waxing) , or shaving it off... never understood that. sorry

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