To have a partner with bipolar and PTSD

[Whatamessiamin]

Judging by the constant comments made to me it seems I am. I am 34 years old and don't have children as yet, perhaps in the future, perhaps not.

I got together with my partner and saw him for what he is, a funny, good looking, loving and gentle man. We were friends initially and when he moved here he stayed with me and we got together so pretty much lived together from day dot!

He has many emotional problems and is very sensitive, his moods are also very up and down although he is not dangerous, he can get very angry with himself. After a long slog to help him as he couldn't keep a job, I managed to eventually get the support we need, we have healthcare visiting us daily and the doctor comes 3 times a week, he also goes to weekly therapy. He was finally diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD, he takes medication now for Bipolar and is continuing therapy for PTSD. The doctors and support team have been excellent, his meds have no side effects either and his moods are now very stable and he is looking to start a new career with the help of the healthcare team.

My parents tell me I am wasting my life with this "loser", when I mention it to other people or colleagues they ask why I am with him. I get lots of these reactions. It is extremely upsetting for me, especially with the comments from my parents and friends. I feel like saying just because someone is mentally ill it doesn't mean they can't be loved. I have worked extremely hard to get this support and his parents told me I have saved his life.

Why do people judge others so badly, for what it's worth I also suffer from mental health issues such as depression and anxiety but I have managed it and it's fine now so I feel strong enough to cope with his. I am so sick of being told that I am wasting my life and this "loser" will pull me down. I feel I have so much to give and I have lived such a rich eventful life that I can now give to others and help them and I love him for who he is.

Do you think the same way or would you also think I am wasting my life?

[littlemslazybones]

That's not to say I think it is like this for everyone, my Mum was undiagnosed when I was a child and I think it would be a different path for all of us had we had the right support at the time.

[tumbletumble]

My cousin has bipolar. His wife was aware of this when they got together - he was honest about his diagnosis - but I think she underestimated how much of a burden it would be for her, especially after they had DCs.

They have two DDs age 4 and 6. She has gone back to work but it has been difficult, because her job has irregular hours and when my cousin is having a severe episode it's not safe for him to be left with their DDs, so she can't assume that he will be able to pick up any of the childcare responsibilities. She hasn't got any family support of her own (her mum is dead and her dad and brother live abroad), and my cousin's family are supportive but, when push comes to shove, they are on his side not hers. I would like to help but don't live close enough to be much use. My cousin has lost several jobs and been hospitalised several times as a result of his illness.

A couple of posters have mentioned compassion. I feel compassion for my lovely cousin who did not ask for this illness, but I also feel lots of compassion for his wife. Bringing up two young children is hard enough in normal circumstances, and this just makes it far harder.

He hasn't had a serious episode for a while now (approx 18 months). As far as I know things are good between them.

[aprilanne]

bloody hell there are a lot of negative comments here .my hubby was recently diagnosed bipolar.he worked in the same job for 30 year also had various part time jobs to supplement when kids were younger .he is a kind loving loyal husband and a good father .have a wasted my life of course not ..ok he does,nt know one end of a domestic appliance from the other but hey no.ones perfect .

[CustardFromATin]

Of course YANBU to love someone who is bipolar (or diabetic, or left handed).

YABVU to think it's a healthy relationship for the long term when he thanks you every day and where you could never leave due to all the hard work you've put in.