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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand how some people afford to have so many children?

405 replies

KiKiFrance · 05/08/2014 15:19

I mean this as a genuine question, but how the heck do they do it?

We have 3 DCs as that was all we could afford, yet I know families that have only one very average income that just seem to keep having children, and affording nice things, activities and holidays too.

Someone I know has just had her fifth baby. They are very early thirties and her DH works in a supermarket, and she is a SAHM, so obviously not on a high income, yet they always have nice clothes, the older children to lots of activities, they have a lovely new build house which is decorated beautifully, always eat out, and they bought all new (expensive) baby equipment for baby #5. She has also said to me that they'll have a sixth baby at some point, and possibly a seventh too!

The other person that I know has 4 children. Her DH is a chef but is always in and out of work, but again they seem to have such nice things, and her children to lots of activities and clubs. One of her sons has just had a huge birthday disco in a hall, and she said it cost over £300. They too are planning to have more children.

Our income is good, yet we generally can't afford half the things that they can, and certainly could never have afforded a 4th child, even though I would have quite liked another baby.

OP posts:
LaQueenLovesSummer · 08/08/2014 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alemci · 08/08/2014 18:41

I couldn't live with any debt apart from mortgage. I wouldn't live beyond my means and have never been over drawn.

had some lovely friends with a gorgeous house etc. they split and dh told me he was always od even though he earned alot more than dh. think his dw spent alot.

DiaDuit · 08/08/2014 19:22

I couldn't live with any debt apart from mortgage.

yeah, I thought that too once upon a time. life had other ideas. debt isnt always a choice you know. you could live with debt. ridiculous to say you couldn't.

Missunreasonable · 08/08/2014 22:10

You can't get a mortgage for £100k if you are on NMW.

I take it you don't understand what the phrase "well below £100k" means Hmm. Just to clarify because you seem to have difficulty understanding simple phrases - Well below could be any amount significantly below £100k but not anything close to £100k. For example 50k would be WELL BELOW £100k but £99k wouldn't be.

revealall · 08/08/2014 22:25

Are there any jobs were the cheap housing is though? Isn't that why they are cheap?
Don't these type of properties get brought up and rented out by people with the money to do so .

revealall · 08/08/2014 22:26

sorry 'where'

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 22:32

You can get a 2 bed semi in Rhyl for less than £50k, affordable even on NMW. But you wont be on NMW, you'll be on the dole because there is 80% unemployment there.

So yes reveal you are absolutely right. Fingers crossed the cheap prices will attract young first timers who are prepared to commute to say Manchester and turn the town around but that will take years, if not decades.

MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 22:34

You can get a 2 bedroom for 39k here. Employment isn't bad either

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 22:42

Where's here?! I want to move!

MorphineDreams · 08/08/2014 22:43

Northwest Bogey. There's loads of cheap houses in my area and the surrounding, they need minimal work too, just updating really.

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 23:01

And joking aside, define "not bad actually"

Where I live there are a lot of jobs, but they are mainly 0 contract NMW warehouse jobs. The sort of situation where you start in the job at 18 and finish at 65, never having progressed at all in that time. There is no job security, no pay increases above the NMW increases that are paltry, and you be working on week, signing on the next and then expected to do stupid amounts of overtime the next (which you often only get paid for at standard rate as they put in sneaky rules like if you stay late on a standard shift because they asked you to, you get standard rate. You only get time and a half if you are asked in to a 6th or 7th shift in a week, which they never do by making the shifts longer).

Most of the jobs are taken by East EU immigrants (at the warehouse where H works since his redundancy, over 60% of the workers are single East EU citizens). This is not because local born people "dont want a job" but because its almost impossible to live like that. We had to borrow money from my parents when he got no shifts for 4 weeks, its a horrible way to live and I can understand why some people would stay on benefits purely because at least you know your rent will be paid and what money you have coming in each week, even if it is a struggle until you can find something permanent. I would have been tempted if we didnt have a mortgage tbh, but we couldnt afford to and just try to ride out the tough times rather than lose the house.

DiaDuit · 08/08/2014 23:06

I'm county down. 2 doors down from me sold last year for 44k. it's a 3 bed terrace with front and back garden. a dooer upper but good houses. last week a 3 bed end terrace house in a former council estate (all now privately owned) with front and back garden, not needing any work sold at auction for 37k. a few months back a new build 3 bed semi with front and back garden went at auction for 35k. the same week a detatched 4 bed new build with front and back garden went at auction for 38k.

i fucking wish i was in a position to buy.

IAmNotDarling · 08/08/2014 23:16

My household has a combined gross income of £85k.

We have 1 DC in nursery FT. We live in an average house with around 85% LTV.

With commuting costs, nursery, mortgage etc we cannot afford another DC until school. We have no social life, no expensive hobbies and buy our clothes from the supermarket.

I don't think about having another child as I'll be too old before we could afford it!

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 23:43

Iam where do you live though?

And average house here would be nothing on an 85k income, in London it would be impossible.

How is the job market where you are? Are you in a commuter town where the better off drive to a major business centre and everyone else works in the service industries?

You can just say "Well I am on £X and cant afford another child" when £X is waaaaaay above national average and waaaay above what most people could expect or hope to earn. You need to quantify it by area for it to be comparable.

Bogeyface · 08/08/2014 23:44

You can't just say...

whatever5 · 09/08/2014 00:04

I take it you don't understand what the phrase "well below £100k" means hmm. Just to clarify because you seem to have difficulty understanding simple phrases - Well below could be any amount significantly below £100k but not anything close to £100k. For example 50k would be WELL BELOW £100k but £99k wouldn't be.

How much below 100k do you mean then? You wouldn't get a mortgage for 50k on national minimum wage either.

whatever5 · 09/08/2014 00:06

You can get a 2 bed semi in Rhyl for less than £50k, affordable even on NMW.

A bank wouldn't lend you 50k if you were on NMW.

whatever5 · 09/08/2014 00:10

Anyway, as I said, you can't buy a house if you are on nmw in most parts of the country.

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 00:12

bogey there's lots of jobs that are basically just jobs, not careers. Lots and lots of retail, warehouse, care and sales roles. Mostly NMW, some higher but never much past 15k

But the area is one where not a lot of people tend to get any education past high school and majority of the people here seem to not want to progress much - just want a job. There's not much enthusiasm to do more. Most of my friends are in these sorts of roles and are happy and have good lives. But their jobs are secure and none are zero hour contracts. Suppose it just depends what you want out of life.

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 00:14

whatever wouldn't that depend on how much deposit you put down?

alemci · 09/08/2014 00:24

Dia I was responding to the comment about people using credit cards for non essentials and then going bankrupt. I know sometimes people cannot avoid debt.

ooh some are rubbish with finances.

Bogeyface · 09/08/2014 00:29

But the area is one where not a lot of people tend to get any education past high school and majority of the people here seem to not want to progress much - just want a job. There's not much enthusiasm to do more. Most of my friends are in these sorts of roles and are happy and have good lives. But their jobs are secure and none are zero hour contracts. Suppose it just depends what you want out of life

that may have been the case once, but not anymore.

H has a degree, years of experience but is in a high saturation career. This was all he could get.

I am tired and off to bed in a mo, so I wont go into detail about how fucking insulting your comments are, but take it as read, just because some people are happy with a job, dont assume that everyone who packs your shopping, dispatches your online orders, arranges your "click and collect" or wipes your elderly parents arse is happy with their lot or doing it because they are not capable of doing anything else.

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 00:35

Woah woah woah what are you talking about? You're finding something in my comments that I didn't even mean.

I know this people not you. Obviously I don't know them all but MY AREA is an area where it is basically instilled in people that women have babies and stay at home. It's like a time warp. Those who get jobs do it for a bit of money they have little to no interest in advancing any further. It's just the way it is here. Those who want more, move. They all do.

And obviously you think I'm belittling these people, well I'm not. In fact I was one of them. They're my friends. I know what they want. We're not talking about graduates who can't find other work, we're talking about people who are perfectly happy in their jobs and there's fuck all wrong with that

So before you start going on about how 'fucking insulting' I am perhaps get a bit more information from me first.

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 00:38

I'm actually really annoyed that you think I was trying to insult these people.

Not everyone is career orientated. Not everyone sees working at Asda as a stop gap. For some it's a job for life and like I said there's fuck all wrong with that. That's what they want and are happy with.

TumbleweedOnspeed · 09/08/2014 01:03

Lally Your life sounds like one I saw on a tele documentary once. Do you sell tea and scones to walkers too?