To take some rent from DD

[Jayne35]

DD starts her first job soon, it's an apprenticeship so not fantastic money but more than I got for my first job - around £95 a week. I have asked that she pay £20 a week towards housekeeping costs and still do some jobs around the house if I ask (DH and I both work 40+ hours a week).

Is it now unreasonable to ask DC's to contribute? My XH has been telling DD her wouldn't take any of her wages or ask her to do chores etc the dole dossing entitled fuckwit which is really pissing me off and I think DC's should get used to 'paying their way' before moving out.

[Joysmum]

My parents charged me 1/3 of my take home pay. I never begrudged it, they weren't well off and I needed to pay my way.

My DH was charged a flat rate of £15pw and when he said to his mum he wanted to look to move out it turned out she'd saved that money and it went towards his deposite and moving costs. He never knew she was intending this so was a nice bonus. I suspect whatever we decide to charge our DD we'll do the same thing.

[MsVestibule]

When I started work in 1987, my take home pay was £400pm and I had to pay 25% of that as board. I have to admit, it did seem rather a lot, especially as most of my colleagues were paying a tenner a week. But I was only 16, and, like most 16yo, would often think 'it's not FAIR!!'.

On the plus side, my mum was a SAHM and I don't recall doing any housework, apart from my own ironing. She also used to call up the stairs every morning when my scrambled eggs on toast were ready .

[lomega]

good idea. when I got a proper job my mum had £100 pm off me when i lived at home. I wish I still paid that now lol

[Jayne35]

We really don't realise how good we had it at home with our parents with the tiny amount of housekeeping to pay. Again, thanks for all your helpful replies. After reading them all I'm still going to ask DD for the £20 per week as even if I don't save it for her I would still end up paying towards driving lessons and a deposit when she moves out (My parents paid driving lessons and bought my first car though it did mean regular pick us up calls from pubs!)

[Jayne35]

So you have said usual suspect but I happen to think my parents raised me well, with good values and I respect and appreciate them. I would like to think that my dcs will feel the same about me in 20 years

[Jayne35]

I was interested in what other parents do these days. Seems it's about 50/50 and in all honesty I would struggle a bit once the child benefit and csa stops. I would love to be able to afford for dd to live here and keep all her wages to herself ( though I don't think that would teach her anything in the long run).

[Nocomet]

I payed some keep when I was between courses for a year.
Not a huge amount as my job was seasonal and very variable hours, but always something.

DSIS who didn't go off to uni and lived at home much longer has always paid her share.

[PrincessBabyCat]

Depends. Does she make enough to rent a small space? If she does then rent at your place is fair. If she doesn't make enough to live on her own, it is unfair because she can't move out or save to move out if she doesn't like the agreement.

[Tangerinefairy]

Totally fair. I think DC ought to contribute when they are working. If you are paying for everything else it's only fair imho. I got a real sense of pride giving my mum and dad a contribution when I started working.

[lastnightIwenttoManderley]

My mum taught me the rule of thirds' 1/3 of take home pay on rent and bills (nice idea!), 1/3 into savings and 1/3 just to spend.

When i used to work ft and live at home during my degree placements then that third went to her. I was an adult earning and felt it was only right. Yes, now I'm older the idea of 1/3 on rent and bills is laughable but I've still managed to keep it sensible.

TBH sounds like your exh is simply using this as a way to make him sound better than you but he hasn't really thought it through. If, as pp said, his benefits/tax credits were to change whilst having another mouth to feed and higher energy bills (plus maybe also council tax if he has reduced sole occupancy rates) then i imagine his stance might change.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Sounds fine. I know someone who lives with their parents and doesn't contribute anything. He never moved out. He's in his thirties.

[Darksideofthemoon88]

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I'm missing something, but - assuming that you're not also making her purchase all her own food, contribute to bills on top of rent, and her travel expenses for work aren't too great - I think charging her rent at this level is absolutely fine. Soon enough, she'll move out and have to deal with a lot more, and this is a great way of showing her how far her money goes - even if she may not appreciate it right now!

[firesidechat]

When I started my first job I gave my parents £100 a month and that was over 30 years ago.

I think £20 a week is more than fair. It gives her plenty to spend on other things and the principle of paying money for your keep is a good one and a valuable life lesson.

[firesidechat]

Oh and I asked for some money from my own children once they started full time employment. That was also £100 a month, which makes me a complete soft touch I think.

[littlewhitebag]

YES do this. Don't make the mistake i did. DD1 is 21 and just finished uni. She had jobs every summer but i didn't take any money from her letting her save for the next uni year.

Fast forward to the end of uni and i now realise she is terrible with money. She has never had to contribute to anything. She wasn't eligible for any student loan money so her dad paid her rent while i gave her money for food and other expenses. She has not learned to budget and just spends whatever she has.

She has now got a full time job and is living at home. It is a low paid job but i am taking 20% of her monthly wage. She will take over her phone payments (notorious for going over her rates), car costs, council tax etc. It is going to come as a massive shock to her. She says her plan is to save money each month. My plan is to show her the reality of income V's expenditure!

I don't need the money but she needs to learn how to budget and this is the only way.

[Mrsjayy]

But dd is 21 she is great with money she saves pays her car and insurance etc etc so basically keeps herself butvlives here she is 21 she was told at 18 when she left school she needed a job I wasnt keeping her goung I think it all depends on their personalities iyswim

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Yes , I think it is perfectly reasonable. Her father sounds a real pain; does he contribute to her upkeep at all? Obviously he will be making her a regular allowance to help her cope. (point this out to her).

[SelectAUserName]

When I first started my relatively well-paid first full-time job at age 20, I paid £200 a month (prob about 1/3 of my wages), took over paying the phone bill and bought my mum a new washing machine (monthly payments). We were not a well-off family and she really appreciated the contribution. Out of the remainder I bought my own clothes and make-up although my mum paid for my haircuts as we used the same hairdresser, and I still had money to go out when I wanted. In the last year of living at home, after a bit of a pay rise, I was able to put £100 a month into a savings account towards moving out.

In turn, it meant I learnt to budget very well. Until unforeseen double redundancy hit DH and I hard, I'd never needed an overdraft or bank loan or taken out a credit card (still don't have a credit card!) as I was able to live within my means.

[Jayne35]

Goblinlittle dad's father pays the 5.00 per week that the csa make him pay from his benefits, I would not have even asked for that, I only did when he went to csa to claim from me for ds.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I wouldn't , my parents charged me £20 a week.
Plus on my own doing I had the internet, sky and phone put on

I worked part time and was on an apprentiship. The apprentiship paid me £50 and work was £70.

I didn't really have much free money.

Kind of sums up my live now.

[Stripyhoglets]

What Deakymon says, yes once he has another adult living with him he will lose some HB. As a nondependant charge, as the benefit system expects adults who are earning in a household to contribute to the one who is claiming benefits. so if he didn't charge he would be out of pocket. How old is your son, it will happen when he leaves education. And he will lose the CSA and the child related benefits, so in the long run you are doing the right thing by your DD by teaching her responsibility.

[ChickenFajitasAndNachos]

This is a very good thread as about a subject not very often talked about. My DS started work about 7 years ago and I wasn't sure what to charge him.

[Rosieotto]

My sister done this with her teens, she actually saved the money though and it was then used for there first years car insursnce etc that was stupidly high!

I always had to pay some house keep to my mum when I lived at home and got a job!

I think it's the right thing to do