To take some rent from DD

[Jayne35]

DD starts her first job soon, it's an apprenticeship so not fantastic money but more than I got for my first job - around £95 a week. I have asked that she pay £20 a week towards housekeeping costs and still do some jobs around the house if I ask (DH and I both work 40+ hours a week).

Is it now unreasonable to ask DC's to contribute? My XH has been telling DD her wouldn't take any of her wages or ask her to do chores etc the dole dossing entitled fuckwit which is really pissing me off and I think DC's should get used to 'paying their way' before moving out.

[falulahthecat]

Why not take it and put half into a savings account for her? Let her know you're doing it.
To be honest though, I suspect there has been a rather sharp rate of inflation since you're first job, and you may put her off work altogether if she's working for £2 an hour (depending on the hours of her job).
Internships sound easy but they're often a way for companies to employ people cheaply for work that would normally be paid a proper wage. So do be sure you don't jump the gun!

[bubalou]

When I was 16 I worked 30+ hours a week at a restaurant whilst at college.

I started paying my parents 20 pound a week. By the time I was 18 and passed my driving test my lovely parents handed over the 2,000 pound that I had paid them in 'rent' over this time.

Along with my savings I was able to buy a nice car that I had saved for myself and I had no idea they were going to do that. I was so grateful and they had also still taught me the value of money.

[Randomeclectic]

What about getting her to look up a recipe for a meal, buy the ingredients herself and cook the meal twice a week instead of paying rent. That will help you out and teach her about budgeting. You can ban processed foods.

[Lanabelle]

Not unreasonable, like you said it will teach her about managing her money and paying her way -and not being an entitled dole dosser-

[thegreylady]

We charged a small sum and saved half for them without telling them. It made a nice little sum when they moved out. However when some of them came back temporarily we didn't give them any back when they left as they were independent adults then.

[Artandco]

I wouldn't actually.

I would talk to her like an adult and get her to see the cost of things. Then see how she could help there. Ie get her used to contributing in general to household. If she sees the house is low on milk/ bread/ etc then just pick up or say she's picking some up on way home so you don't buy double. She could cook few days of the week if in and buy ingredients for the dishes she wants to cook. And should be helping with laundry/ keeping house clean.

In the end that's around £20 at least anyway, but seems a better way of putting it.

[sashh]

I would give her the choice if I could (you might not be able to). She can pay board and still receive free toiletries, hair dye etc or she can keep it all but you provide just food no extras.

[Standinginline]

Think it depends on whether you still get benefit for her ,like child benefit tax credits etc ... I've been working since I was 13 and parents never took money of me until I left college and my child benefit stopped. I did however ,before that ,pay for my own toiletries and clothes.

[Rosieotto]

My sister done this with her teens, she actually saved the money though and it was then used for there first years car insursnce etc that was stupidly high!

I always had to pay some house keep to my mum when I lived at home and got a job!

I think it's the right thing to do

[ChickenFajitasAndNachos]

This is a very good thread as about a subject not very often talked about. My DS started work about 7 years ago and I wasn't sure what to charge him.

[Stripyhoglets]

What Deakymon says, yes once he has another adult living with him he will lose some HB. As a nondependant charge, as the benefit system expects adults who are earning in a household to contribute to the one who is claiming benefits. so if he didn't charge he would be out of pocket. How old is your son, it will happen when he leaves education. And he will lose the CSA and the child related benefits, so in the long run you are doing the right thing by your DD by teaching her responsibility.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I wouldn't , my parents charged me £20 a week.
Plus on my own doing I had the internet, sky and phone put on

I worked part time and was on an apprentiship. The apprentiship paid me £50 and work was £70.

I didn't really have much free money.

Kind of sums up my live now.

[Jayne35]

Goblinlittle dad's father pays the 5.00 per week that the csa make him pay from his benefits, I would not have even asked for that, I only did when he went to csa to claim from me for ds.

[SelectAUserName]

When I first started my relatively well-paid first full-time job at age 20, I paid £200 a month (prob about 1/3 of my wages), took over paying the phone bill and bought my mum a new washing machine (monthly payments). We were not a well-off family and she really appreciated the contribution. Out of the remainder I bought my own clothes and make-up although my mum paid for my haircuts as we used the same hairdresser, and I still had money to go out when I wanted. In the last year of living at home, after a bit of a pay rise, I was able to put £100 a month into a savings account towards moving out.

In turn, it meant I learnt to budget very well. Until unforeseen double redundancy hit DH and I hard, I'd never needed an overdraft or bank loan or taken out a credit card (still don't have a credit card!) as I was able to live within my means.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Yes , I think it is perfectly reasonable. Her father sounds a real pain; does he contribute to her upkeep at all? Obviously he will be making her a regular allowance to help her cope. (point this out to her).

[Mrsjayy]

But dd is 21 she is great with money she saves pays her car and insurance etc etc so basically keeps herself butvlives here she is 21 she was told at 18 when she left school she needed a job I wasnt keeping her goung I think it all depends on their personalities iyswim

[littlewhitebag]

YES do this. Don't make the mistake i did. DD1 is 21 and just finished uni. She had jobs every summer but i didn't take any money from her letting her save for the next uni year.

Fast forward to the end of uni and i now realise she is terrible with money. She has never had to contribute to anything. She wasn't eligible for any student loan money so her dad paid her rent while i gave her money for food and other expenses. She has not learned to budget and just spends whatever she has.

She has now got a full time job and is living at home. It is a low paid job but i am taking 20% of her monthly wage. She will take over her phone payments (notorious for going over her rates), car costs, council tax etc. It is going to come as a massive shock to her. She says her plan is to save money each month. My plan is to show her the reality of income V's expenditure!

I don't need the money but she needs to learn how to budget and this is the only way.

[firesidechat]

Oh and I asked for some money from my own children once they started full time employment. That was also £100 a month, which makes me a complete soft touch I think.

[firesidechat]

When I started my first job I gave my parents £100 a month and that was over 30 years ago.

I think £20 a week is more than fair. It gives her plenty to spend on other things and the principle of paying money for your keep is a good one and a valuable life lesson.

[Darksideofthemoon88]

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I'm missing something, but - assuming that you're not also making her purchase all her own food, contribute to bills on top of rent, and her travel expenses for work aren't too great - I think charging her rent at this level is absolutely fine. Soon enough, she'll move out and have to deal with a lot more, and this is a great way of showing her how far her money goes - even if she may not appreciate it right now!

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Sounds fine. I know someone who lives with their parents and doesn't contribute anything. He never moved out. He's in his thirties.

[lastnightIwenttoManderley]

My mum taught me the rule of thirds' 1/3 of take home pay on rent and bills (nice idea!), 1/3 into savings and 1/3 just to spend.

When i used to work ft and live at home during my degree placements then that third went to her. I was an adult earning and felt it was only right. Yes, now I'm older the idea of 1/3 on rent and bills is laughable but I've still managed to keep it sensible.

TBH sounds like your exh is simply using this as a way to make him sound better than you but he hasn't really thought it through. If, as pp said, his benefits/tax credits were to change whilst having another mouth to feed and higher energy bills (plus maybe also council tax if he has reduced sole occupancy rates) then i imagine his stance might change.

[Tangerinefairy]

Totally fair. I think DC ought to contribute when they are working. If you are paying for everything else it's only fair imho. I got a real sense of pride giving my mum and dad a contribution when I started working.

[PrincessBabyCat]

Depends. Does she make enough to rent a small space? If she does then rent at your place is fair. If she doesn't make enough to live on her own, it is unfair because she can't move out or save to move out if she doesn't like the agreement.

[Nocomet]

I payed some keep when I was between courses for a year.
Not a huge amount as my job was seasonal and very variable hours, but always something.

DSIS who didn't go off to uni and lived at home much longer has always paid her share.