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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get annoyed when people give suggestions on how to hide my daughters birthmark?

48 replies

Chocoholism · 24/05/2014 16:36

6 month old DD with a stork bite on her forehead above eye. Can't believe the amount of people who say rubbish to me about it, this is what I've had thus far;
Are you going to see a Dr about it?
I think you can get laser treatment for it
You can grow her hair into a long fringe to cover it
It's definitely getting smaller don't worry

what makes people think I'm bothered about it? I actually think it just adds to her beauty.
Give me a good witty response to say when someone says something like this in future.,...
Rant over!

OP posts:

Slacktacular · 24/05/2014 17:36

My DD has a strawberry mark over her fontanelle. It's barely visible now. When it was at its zenith (which was rather striking, it must be said!) about 9 months ago we had a Conservative councillor door-knocking. DH answered door holding DD and was basically mid-sentence saying something about rubbish collections when the man stopped him and said "what's wrong with the kid's head?". DH was so stunned he didn't know what to say. We both thought of some choice replies once he'd gone! Always amazed me how many people thought they could tell me that she ought to be wearing a hat/headband/helmet etc!

FourEyesGood · 24/05/2014 18:08

If I had a quid for every time someone looked at DD (3) and said, "Ooh, someone's had a nasty bump!", I'd have a lot of quids. It's a raised strawberry mark and she now tells them herself that it's a birthmark. I like it when they visibly squirm with embarrassment.

We were told it would probably fade as she approached 5, but it shows no signs of doing so. I can't imagine her without it.

ExitPursuedByABear · 24/05/2014 18:15

My dd has a 'birth mark' on her side. It isn't actually. It is a fucking huge mole. I think it is really attractive but she hates it and won't wear crop tops or bikinis because of it. She is 14 so that is good

I had a strawberry mark on my right hand when I was born in 1959 and my mum took me to hospital when only a few weeks old to have it removed. I think I by some hideous radiotherapy. The skin on my hand has always been mottled.

Ignore.

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/05/2014 18:16

We used to get it all the time with dd (strawberry mark on her face)

"Oh isn't that a shame"
"Or what happened to her face?"

It's faded a lot now you can barely see it but it used to get a few comments.

Celestria · 24/05/2014 18:23

I have a dark brown birthmark on my neck. My step mum called it my magic spot and said if I rubbed it and made a wish, it would come true. I told all my friends at school and they all wanted a shot of rubbing it. When I was twelve I was given the option to have it removed by laser. I said no. It was and is a part of me.

Admittedly it's a bit annoying going to my doc. I can go in there with my head hanging off and it's always oooh, let's have a look at your birthmark, have you noticed any changes, keep it out of the sun etc etc.

softlysoftly · 24/05/2014 18:24

Just stare at them.

For ages.

In silence.

And let them fill the silence.

Until it's really really REALLY uncomfortable.

Then walk off.

Turn back, STARE again.

Then leave.

TheOneWithTheHair · 24/05/2014 18:27

I like that response softly.

TSSDNCOP · 24/05/2014 18:28

Softly I had your approach down but with a subtle "tut" and head shake at the walk away.

DS had 8 large visible strawberries about his person. Our HV didn't even know what they were, and when one ulcerated our GP claimed it was because it was dying.

If the Pros can't handle it, what hope for others?

Hakluyt · 24/05/2014 18:31

Or you could just remember that most people are just being interested, or sympathetic- hate the thought of somebody being embarrassed by mistaking a birth mark for a bruise.

If they are being horrid, then a sharp put don is the way to go- otherwise, be kind. That's what they are being.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 24/05/2014 18:45

I'd go with ignore too, Choco. (Softly's response is great - wish I'd thought of that one)!

My daughter was born with an enormous strawberry mark on her upper arm, taking up a lot of her arm and spreading to her chest. It was extremely large, very, very red and bulbous. Everyone who saw it gave an audible gasp. My FiL said once "Oh, it turns my stomach". I could have throttled him! He never said it again once I'd finished with him!! (Not very subtley, I'm afraid)
Received all sorts of comments (including from a Health Visitor at the baby clinic, in front of all the other Mums) ranging from Ooh that's hideous, has she burned her arm, what's happened there, etc etc, to simply just staring in horror.

I was never bothered about it and never tried to hide it when she was young, but other people made me feel bad, and they gave daughter a complex. Until recent years (she's now 21) she wouldn't even go swimming without wearing a t-shirt, or would go to great pains to wrap a towel around herself to hide it, no matter what her Dad or I did or said to make her feel better and confident about it. I also used to tell her it was an angel kiss

Now she's fine with it, it's faded considerably, but still visible. Her confidence has finally arrived with age and she's not bothered. Took a while, though. Unfortunately, as usual, it's other people that cause the problem.

It was, however, a great indicator if ever she was sickening for something. It would be red hot and usually predicted a high temperature some time before she was actually ill! Great warning sign

I had a strawberry mark on my cheek, it was gone by the time I was five years old.

Stork marks generally fade quite quickly, I believe. Until then, just ignore the ignorant comments. Some people do make comments out of genuine concern and inquisitiveness, some people can just be complete thoughtless idiots. You will have to get used to them all and grow a thick skin.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 24/05/2014 18:51

Just tell people, Choco, that you're not bothered, and ask them why they feel they should be . . .

Hakluyt · 24/05/2014 18:56

But you don't treat "oh dear, has she burned herself" the same way you would treat "it turns my stomach". Obviously.

cashmiriana · 24/05/2014 18:57

Both my DD2 and I have large strawberry birthmarks. DD2's were largely resolved by the time she was 7. Mine is not. It is in a very visible place but not on my face. People are still staggeringly rude about it. I have learned to ignore daft comments.

My granny always said it was where the angels finished making me.

myitchybeaver · 24/05/2014 19:02

My 3rd DC had a stork mark on her eyelid for a few months after birth. I took her in to work when she was a few days old and my colleague announced "oh what a shame, she would be so pretty if it wasn't for the birthmark". Years later and I still feel stabby when I think of this woman die bitch die

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 24/05/2014 19:07

But you don't treat "oh dear, has she burned herself" the same way you would treat "it turns my stomach". Obviously.

Obviously not! (Although they can be equally upsetting, if said loudly and with an audience) or within earshot of the child. Gives them a complex, however well-meaning.

EverythingsDozy · 24/05/2014 19:21

My DS has a V shaped one in between his eyes and one on the back of his neck. When he strains, the one on his forehead goes bright red, it could be confused for angry eyebrows!!
I honestly have no comebacks, I think I would probably just go for the tried and tested "did you mean to be so rude?"

RachelWatts · 24/05/2014 19:31

DS2 has stork marks in the classic places - between his eyebrows and on the back of his neck. He also has a slight bluish mark by his left eye which only shows up if he's ill but looks like he has a bruise.

dementedma · 24/05/2014 20:07

Dd2 has a birth mark on the back of her leg in the perfect shape of music notes.(whatever those double ones joined across the top are called)
As a musician who sings in a band, she thinks its pretty cool!

MrsCaptainReynolds · 24/05/2014 21:12

I have a dark birthmark, not one of the childhood ones that fade. It is somewhere quite visible. It astounds me how many random people think it is reasonable to ask me why I haven't had it removed -happens at least once a month.

MamaLazarou · 24/05/2014 21:16

YANBU.

I have a prominent birthmark on my face and would never dream of covering it up: it is part of me and I am proud of it. Just tell people 'try not to be jealous just because you haven't got one', which is what I do when people are rude to me.

QueenOfThorns · 24/05/2014 21:24

I have a port wine stain on my forehead. Nobody has ever asked me why I haven't had it removed, I usually just get asked whether I've bumped my head.

It used to bother me a lot more when I was younger, and i even had some laser treatment, although it didn't do much, really. These days, I really couldn't care less what I look like!

I think your attitude is great, OP. Don't let those ignorant people get you down

facedontfit · 24/05/2014 21:49

My daughter has a large birthmark on her leg. She has always been fine about it - until the last couple of years. Adults and children pass comment on it, ask her what it is, tell her it is ugly. Now she is very self conscious about it, wants to wear tights in very hot weather or long socks so she can cover it.

How sad that a common theme of of this thread is of rude ignorant people making other people feel bad about themselves. Hope they are proud of themselves. We have always told her that her 'princess mark' is beautiful because it is part of her. But unfortunately her confidence is being knocked which makes me want to look into getting it removed.

MeadowHeartshimmertheFairy don't let the bastards grind you down.

MoominAndMiniMoom · 24/05/2014 22:08

DD is six weeks old and has a strawberry on the right side of her chest - it's a bloody big one but I think it's cute. I've already had suggestions that I should get it removed. I spoke to the HV and if it's still there by the time she needs to wear a bra, they'll look into removal (it's right where the strap of a bra would go, and very swollen underneath the strawberry), but for now there's no problems. I love it, it's part of what makes her 'her' :)

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