To think that having a spoilt child isn't something to be proud of?

[floraldora]

My friend's DD is 6, and is thoroughly spoilt. My friend never, ever says "No" to her or her younger brother, and will do absolutely anything that her DD asks her to do, or rather demands that she does!

She also spoils her in a material way; she buys her toys and clothes constantly. The DD had three birthday parties this year. About 6 months ago she and her DH were painting her DD's room and the DD chose blue. Once the room was painted, the DD had a screaming tantrum about wanting pink instead, and they painted the whole room pink! We have been out for lunch before and the DD has ordered a meal. Once the meal has arrived the DD has put her parts on and said she wants something else, and my friend has just ordered something else for her!

Needless to say her DD is rude, demanding, and extremely bossy.

What baffles me is that my friend seems really proud of the fact that her daughter is so spoilt. She refers to her DD as "The Diva", and does endless Facebook statuses saying things like "Little Diva didn't like her dinner tonight so screamed until I cooked her some spaghetti. Love her". The statuses are done in an affectionate "Isn't she brilliant?" way, rather than a "She is hard work" kind of way.

She also seems proud when out and about and her DD plays up, and just refers to her as The Diva all the time. We went to a soft play place recently and her DD hit another child, and my friend just shrugged it off as her DD being a diva and "liking her own way"

If I didn't like my friend so much I'd distance myself as it all infuriates me.

AIBU to think that having a spoilt child that is likely to grow up to be a spoilt adult that no one likes is nothing to be proud of?

[sashh]

What I don't get is how these parents don't see that this behaviour will make their child unpopular with other children and adults alike?

But then they come running back how to be told how nasty that teacher/ other child / relative is and here, have something to make you feel better.

[jaysaway]

I think the bottom line is parents like this are scared their child won't love/like them it is sad really

[sarahquilt]

It's doing the child a huge disservice because one of the most valuable lessons in life is learning how to be disappointed and how to deal with it. Giving a child everything on a plate is setting them up for failure later.

[Gurnie]

I think you are right jaysaway (your sister does sound annoying!) and sarahquilt. I think they are scared of saying no and then, once they have "created a monster" by behaving like that, they don't know how to change things.

Sarahquilt, that is so important isn't it? I think this whenever my dd has an upset or a dissapointment or whatever and I tell her "well, yes, it's upsetting, I totally understand but you will get through it and you will learn from it and it will make you much more resillient as a person".

[Itsfab]

Maybe she is confused and thinks her child's behaviour is a sign of her confidence as she wouldn't want a shy child.

[Lottapianos]

'I totally agree with those of you that say it is far better than neglect'

I think this kind of parenting is still neglectful. Learning to understand boundaries, learning that sometimes the answer is 'no' and learning to manage your response to that is a very important part of emotional development. It sounds like these parents are giving in all the time for an easy life and because they want to be best buddies with their daughter at all times. They are setting her up for such a shock in later life. It sounds like she is becoming a child that other kids won't want to play with and adult won't want to spend time with. Poor kid.

[jaysaway]

itsfab a confident child has no need to be demanding and foot stomp really confident children are usually quite happy with their lot ime

oh and what Lotta said

[Itsfab]

I never said they did, jaysaway.

[handcream]

Are you referring to my SIL? Her DD is exactly like this.....

[22honey]

Their DD will likely be in for a shock when she becomes an adult. I was spoilt and was not ready for the shock of adult life and responsibility. I really, really don't recommend spoiling children.

Another things that baffles me which is related is why many people insist on having lots of money/being well off before they have children. Their children will end up spoilt like myself because the parents opinion is that they should want for nothing so they need lots of money before they have them to buy their kids everything they ask for. As said, these children will inevitably become spoilt brats.

'Spoilt children are not happy children'- this is correct aswell.

[22honey]

'It's doing the child a huge disservice because one of the most valuable lessons in life is learning how to be disappointed and how to deal with it. Giving a child everything on a plate is setting them up for failure later.'

This exactly, I wanted for nothing as a child, I was spoilt. I was never taught to help around the house or do anything at all either, everything was done for me. The concept of disappointment never ever hit me till I was an adult dealing with my own shit and it really wasn't nice. I was not used to not getting everything I wanted (inevitably, once your an adult your parents can no longer provide you with everything you want/need, you must do it yourself).

[babewiththepower]

My friend is still spoilt, his parents pay his mortgage and his DC's nursery fees, pay for his wedding and his car. He is really lazy when it comes to everything, theres no staying power. If he doesn't want to stick at a job, he just leaves. Once you are on that road it can be hard work to stop, so I can see why people do it as its just easier to give in - at least to begin with. And no one wants to be against their own child. But its definitely not how I was brought up and not how I plan to bring up my DC.

[UnderthePalms]

Lovely story Doris.

[MRSjayy]

MY dds boyfriend is indulged I feel guilty for saying this and he is a nice lad BUT he is like a little boy still and he doesn't seem to have any oomf about him as his parents provide everything for him,
he is working age and only works 2 daysa week doesn't seem to want any more shifts
dd is wanting to move away to work in the future and I am quite worried he will hold her back they have been together for years and seem pretty stable I am worried as he is so comfy at home getting provided for she won't do what she wants to stay with him if that makes sense