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AIBU?

to think this was a little OTT?

110 replies

aworkingmummy · 04/04/2014 11:02

Picking DS up from nursery last night and another Mum was there collecting her DD. She had her 5 yr old DS with her.
Her DS said "Mummy let's go up the stairs" (there are lifts and stairs).

Now I would have replied along the lines of Yes lets go.

She however said "Now is that a command or a request hmm?"
Her DS "A request Mummy"
Her " And how do we phrase a request properly hmmm?"
Her DS "Mummy may we go up the stairs please?"
Her "Now that's much better, I will listen to you know you are speaking properly"

Me and DH were just stood there looking at each other thinking WTAF??
Then I was thinking - was that OTT or am I just really common to think it was??!

OP posts:

Report

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 04/04/2014 11:23

It wasn't rude though. If it was 'go up the stairs' as an order then fine, but it wasn't. Let's go up the stairs is perfectly acceptable and doesn't require a please.

aworkingmummy · 04/04/2014 11:30

Sparklingbrook
If her son had said "It's a command Mummy, now move that ass and get up those stairs" I think I may have peed myself laughing

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2014 11:33

aworking.

The sad thing is that he probably won't even bother suggesting it next time because he knows he will get a lecture.

aworkingmummy · 04/04/2014 11:37

I know, it is a bit sad. I like polite children, but I also like to see children with spirit and I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

OP posts:

passthebuck · 04/04/2014 11:40

"they are always really polite. So I suspect lack of manners isn't something she sees regularly from her kids, but I could be wrong."

That's probably because the children's mother is instilling manners into them when she gets the opportunity, as you witnessed last night.

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2014 11:41

DS2 would have just shouted RACE YOU and gone up the stairs.

ItsAFuckingVase · 04/04/2014 11:44

Never mind OTT, I think it sounds fucking ridiculous. You can instill manners without sapping the joy and life out of everything.

WilsonFrickett · 04/04/2014 11:47

It wouldn't have been my approach, but you don't know what kind of day they'd been having - maybe he'd been a total bossy-boots all day and she was trying to remind him of the probably many conversations they'd had on the subject already.

You say she has polite children so this is obviously working for her.

SaucyJack · 04/04/2014 11:51

I think you bothering to post about it is a little OTT in itself......

A woman reminded her child to ask for something properly. Hold the front page!

WorraLiberty · 04/04/2014 11:57

I would have cracked up if the kid had said, "Forget it. Lets just take the fucking lift instead"

BeverleyMoss · 04/04/2014 12:02

But there was nothing impolite about what the child said, nothing wrong with 'Mummy let's go up the stairs'

Jesus, let the child be.

I do like to listen in on a bit of loud parenting, though

Owllady · 04/04/2014 12:05

She's not someone I would like to be friends with

Dizzywhore · 04/04/2014 12:07

Dear god she needs to chill the fuck out!

rabbitlady · 04/04/2014 12:09

vocab. child has 'command' and 'request' and can use them in context. that mum wins.

andsmile · 04/04/2014 12:15

It may sound OTT to you and I OP but if thats how the 'talk' in there family let them get on with it. It is obviously something they have been teaching the boy as he as able to say correctly what it was and correct himself.

BUT I often think I dont speak quite as nice sometimes. I live away from region and my turn of phrase couples with my accent can sound not quite right and of course stands out...

diaimchlo · 04/04/2014 12:25

"Mummy let's go up the stairs"

This is a 5 year old child suggesting something, not demanding that is plainly obvious.

YADNBU in thinking his mother was being OTT, if she was trying to promote good manners then she should have said something like "what word do we use when we want to do something?" that is enough, not a lecture on request or demand. To me that sounds like a very regimented method of teaching good manners.

diaimchlo · 04/04/2014 12:28

Sorry Demand should be command, braincell on holiday

Becles · 04/04/2014 12:38

YABU - You obviously felt that the mother was showing off or 'stifling' the child. Good on her for taking an opportunity to reinforce her expectations of how her child should speak to her / an adult.

Love the pp who pointed out that her DS can use 'command' and 'request' in context at 5 years old - can yours OP?

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2014 12:39

I think if things like this are OTT to post about there would be no MN Chat left SaucyJack.

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2014 12:40

And definitely no AIBU.

FryOneFatManic · 04/04/2014 12:48

as he as able to say correctly what it was and correct himself.

I don't think it was correct. To me it sounded like a suggestion, which wasn't on the list....

And yes, it is perfectly possible to instil manners in children without lecturing them. If these children get these lectures all the time, it's going to sap their spirit.

My DCs were just as polite (and expressive in vocab) at that age (and still are), and they still have their spirit.

Comeatmefam · 04/04/2014 12:55

I don't want little robots, I want kids.

I don't want my kids to say 'may I' instead of (grammatically/semantically correct) 'can I'. What adult says to another 'may we go upstairs'? It's not teaching him the right way to talk, it's teaching him to sound like a weirdo.

I don't want to loud parent because I'm not total twat.

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MammaTJ · 04/04/2014 12:55

It could have been a continuation of an earlier discussion.

HighwayRat · 04/04/2014 13:02

I'd have made dd say something like that, but I keep saying 'excuse me' till she asks properly.

I see nothing wrong with what she did, nor do I see it as 'loud parenting' whatever the fuck that is.

TillyTellTale · 04/04/2014 13:13

Well, actually, let's seems like an imperative to me, here. (But everyone in this thread so far gets points for putting the apostrophe in there, correctly. Although I doubt you care. )

I agree that it's not in the same league as "go up the stairs", so I'd call it a soft command.

My sympathies are with the mother here. She did not tell him to "stop telling me what to fucking do, alright" or anything similar. Which I have heard parents say.

At the moment, I'm finding that past the cute ickle s/he-can-finally-talk stage, young children who don't say please are incredibly wearing, and I am having conversations along the same lines as the one the OP overheard multiple times a day.

But if the OP would prefer, I suppose I can stop acting like an adult and go for the "stop telling me what to fucking do, alright". I mean, if it would make me seem less snobbish, and make me fit in better? Or perhaps I could slap them?

Sorry for placing kindness to my children over fitting in or the all-important English need to "not sound posh".

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