AIBU or is this what I have to get used to?

[CeliaFate]

It's a mother's day moan. My dc are 13 and 11. They've bought me nothing, that's fine. Dh bought me my card and chocolates. Dd has made me a card - lovely.
Ds signed his name on the card - no message, just his name.
Both children ignored requests from dh to make me breakfast, to do some chores like dishwasher and wiping kitchen surfaces.
Dd eventually put porridge in the microwave for me then went back to bed.
Ds is on the xbox.
Dh has told them both off for being lazy.
Happy mother's day to me.

[CeliaFate]

Thanks KurriKurri that gives me some hope!

"X post. So they pull their weight normally and you're upset because they haven't put on some kind of extra show of their own accord?"
Yes, ilovesooty that's it. I want bells, whistles and performing dogs. Have you read anything I've written?

[Nanny0gg]

just refuse to do any chores today op.

But they'll still be there tomorrow...
Defeats the object.

Maybe, in a little while, your DC need to be shown (by not doing it) all the little things you do for love, not because you have to.

[Primrose123]

I share your pain Celia. I have two lovely teenage DDs who forgot to get me a card. We all went shopping yesterday too, so there was plenty of opportunity. They are very apologetic this morning and have gone out with DH. I don't want expensive presents but feel a little hurt that with the shops full of Mothers' Day stuff it didn't occur to them to choose one for me. I suppose they thought that their dad would sort it.

I feel a bit ridiculous feeling like this though, and have told myself to get a grip and get over it.

[bruffin]

Theyve surfaced and
Ds 18 is taking me for tea. Unfortunately didnt realise he needed to book and we are going on thursday.

Dd 16 has made me a handprint card and bought me pretzel m&ms

[ilovesooty]

Yes I've read the whole thread. Sorry you feel bad but I've interpreted as you wanted some extra effort made of their own volition today. Apologies if that's not what you meant.

[CeliaFate]

"Maybe, in a little while, your DC need to be shown (by not doing it) all the little things you do for love, not because you have to."

I think you're right. How do you do that Nanny0gg?

[CeliaFate]

Sorry ilovesooty I assumed you were being sarcastic.

[specialsubject]

mothers' day not really an issue. Kids that aren't house trained year round(not just one day) is.

[fairyfuckwings]

I have 13 year old twins and they can be very self absorbed at that age.

I dropped some very heavy hints last night about what I would really love. I think I said something like:

"You know when you make me breakfast in bed tomorrow - you know for it being mothers day - please could it be proper filter coffee. And scrambled eggs on toast. Oh and could you also tidy the house and vac around. That would be lovely! "

And they all did it! Willingly! I don't think they would have thought to if I'd not mentioned it though. I think it pays to make these things crystal clear!

Oh, and I'll probably get flamed for this, but dh "forgot" to organise a present for youngest daughter who's 6 to give to me. To avoid dd being upset (as the twins got me a present) I suggested that perhaps daughter would like me to have champagne. Preferably Bollinger.

[fairyfuckwings]

I don't really celebrate mother's "day" as such. I've extended it to "mothers day weekend".

Birthdays are obviously a full week of celebrations.

I think you need to be far more demanding!

[CeliaFate]

I know what you mean fairyfuckwings but I could go out and buy myself a shit load of stuff and go to the salon all day but that's not my point.

If I stamped my feet (and believe me sometimes I do!) they would do what I demanded.

I want them to do it because they've thought of it.

I suppose you can't make them into something they're not.

[fairyfuckwings]

I read a book recently about parenting teens (can't remember what it was called) but it basically said they were all pretty selfish and tended to have a very nnarrow view on the world.

Now I know they're probably not all like that but mine definitely are. Sounds like yours are too. And most of my friends kids too!

It doesn't make them bad kids - just that they've still got a lot to learn.

A great tip for chores is to list a number of chores that need doing and say they can chose which one they do -so for you with 3 kids you need to list 4. Make the 4th one really crap - one they will all fight to avoid. They then tend to feel really chuffed at avoiding the bad one!

[ilovesooty]

No problem. Reading back I can understand that!

[Pagwatch]

I think KurriKurri has a point about those middle teen years being especially low on empathy

[Viviennemary]

They just sound like typical teenagers to me. In fact they sound a lot better than most doing chores every day and so on.

[slartybartfast]

dd made me breakfast.

to my dd and in fact to all my dc,

admittedly it is not so much as a mother's day, as a mother's hour! the rest of the day will pass as usual.

[CeliaFate]

Ds has just said he's going to make me a sandwich for lunch. He obviously has a conscience and didn't enjoy the guilt trip dh sent him on.
Thanks for the advice and sympathy.

[Marylou62]

Last year MD was not what I would have liked but I let it go. DS1 away in Navy, DD working 3 jobs and DS 15 'forgot', and DH on nights so asleep all day. Got card when DH woke...bout 5pm. I was a little peeved and just went quiet.. Eventually DH said 'whats up with you?' I told them all how disappointed I was...didn't expect all singing and dancing but come on!!'.Thought the same would happen this year. Up early, DD out, DS1 away again, DS2 still asleep. DD comes in at 11am and takes me for breakfast...gives me box of Hotel Chocolats...Ds2 came down with card and box of Ferreros. Bang on door and flowers from DS1....I am one happy mum! I would certainly let your DCs know in a quiet non tantrum way how upset you are...yes teens are very selfish, its how they survive in the world....but they need a kick up the *** sometimes. Hope its better next year.

[NearTheWindymill]

Ah, now I have one in NZ and one on the sofa opposite me. I was the first up and did the dishwasher and massive clear up after a supper last night for two of dd's friends and their mums. DD made me a burnt bacon sandwich and cut it into a heart shape. She has made me two cups of tea a bit grudgingly. She remembered DH had a left a present about two hours ago. (He of course is visiting his mother). She forgot to buy a card and written happy mothers' day on a crumpled serviette and put it next to the clock on the mantelpiece. There is no remorse but I luffs her. Still waiting for DS's card and for him to skype - baits breath.

Oh, and I only got the present from DH because I gave him a House of Fraser money off voucher and attached a post it note with the name of the perfume and mothers' day written on it.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

At that age surely they are doing chores every day anyway as a routine thing?

[CeliaFate]

They do, as I've said upthread.

[CailinDana]

Silent seething is so pointless. I said to DH last week "I'm going to bed on Saturday night and not getting up till Monday." Kids are too young yet to be involved (although DS did bring a lovely card and chocolates home from nursery, thanks nursery!) but every year everyone will be expected to fend for themselves on MD while I suit myself. That's all I want (though chocolates are a bonus). DH has earned massive extra brownie points for making me coffee and a full english.

They are children. They need to be taught. So teach them. Say "MD is important to me and I expect xyz thanks." Don't teach them that sulking is the way to act when you don't get what you want.

[slartybartfast]

my older two are working, waitering today, as there is a whole load of families in for mother's day meals.
that is what people resort to - then no one has to cook, bar the people they pay!

agree that it does go downhill a bit as they get older, but, just keep your expectations low,
they luffs you really

[Dreadedsunnyday]

My 19 yr old DD bought me a bottle of chocolate Baileys.

I can't help but feel I've done a good job somewhere along the line

[CailinDana]

Oh and what's wrong with your ds signing his name to the very thoughtful card your daughter made? He's 13 (or 11, younger still) - does he know about card etiquette and what message he could write? Have you taught him that?