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AIBU?

Aarrgghh Bloody Kids <<fumes>>

104 replies

LtEveDallas · 22/03/2014 15:24

DD (8) has a friend over today.

So far they have smashed the glass shelf in the bathroom, shouted "fart" and "poo" out the window at the next door neighbour and pulled the towel rail off the wall in the downstairs loo.

But the crowning glory was the decision to jump off the garden table onto the giant outdoor beanbag, splitting it and making me have to spend the last hour chasing round the garden trying to get as many polystyrene balls as possible.

I'm furious. DD has NEVER been like this. I am SO pissed off with her.

Two hours till the friend goes home and I can't even have a beer.

AARRGGHHH

OP posts:

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LtEveDallas · 22/03/2014 19:31

She's gone now (well I took her home at 530). Couldn't take her earlier because I didn't know where mum was going, just that she was off to watch the footie at a pub. The footie finished at 5, I took her home half hour later.

They are 9 and nearly 9 (one week away), they shouldn't need supervising to that extent. They were together from 10am.

I couldn't tell mum in the end. She was half cut and I didn't see the point. I told her that it hadn't been a good day and that I'd talk to her tomorrow. There was no point in going into detail when she probably wouldn't remember it.

DD was sent straight to tidy her room and is now in bed - 2 hours earlier than usual. She knows I am pissed off and that I am reconsidering next weekend.

I'm still mad. DH is going to try and fix the towel rail tomorrow but half the bloody wall came away with it. Hopeful I'll be able to get a shelf fm homebase.

The beanbag is fucked, can't be fixed so that's £50 down the drain.

What a bloody day.

OP posts:

WitchWay · 22/03/2014 19:37

Sounds appalling - was the mother safe to have the child back if she was pissed? Was there anyone else there?

What is the beanbag made from? Could it be patched on the inside? Is there an inner bag - if not, sounds like a pocket-money job to me.

Finola1step · 22/03/2014 19:38

Blimey Eve. Poor you, have a

I do find it interesting that the girl's mum texted you at least twice fairly early on to see if all was ok. Suggests that this situation might not be news to her...

purplebaubles · 22/03/2014 19:42

Wow. You have some patience! They wouldn't have made it past the smashed glass shelf before I'd have had enough and they'd have both known about it. They're 9? Wow. Just wow!

DumbPluck · 22/03/2014 20:09

Had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago at DD's 9th birthday sleepover, her 'friend' was a demon child from hell, incredibly cheeky, refused to join in any game I had planned , throwing hissy fits, crying because she wasn't having fun, Hid from us, I genuinely thought she'd gone home on her own.. (she was hiding behind a curtain, she thought it was hilarious when we found her) ... we didn't have the heart to ring her Gran (her guardian. The child's dm fucked off to Australia and her father passed away years ago, which is where the bad behavior stems from I believe, both parents had drug issues) The gran doesn't have alot time to her self, and she was saying how much she was looking forward to going out for food with an old friend and drinks afterwards.
I didn't have the chance to tell the gran the next day that her Dgd had been a complete nightmare.. 2 months later I haven't seen her up the school either, somebody else has been picking the kid up.. This child was my dd's bff , She came across as a controlling bully , she was so bossy, and wasn't happy unless the gang were doing what she wanted.
It is probably very wrong of me to say this, but I've told my dd to avoid this friend , she is bad influence.

diddl · 22/03/2014 20:17

No they shouldn't need supervising but after the first incident it was obvious that they couldn't be trusted!

Cuxibamba · 22/03/2014 20:18

Wow. I'd take the £50 from DD?

diddl · 22/03/2014 20:19

As for daughters bday-have two friends already been invited?

If so, it's not really fair on those invited to cancel imo.

Forgettable · 22/03/2014 20:20

Nightmare!

Don't bother with that child again, dd not to go to her house in reciprocation even. Tell the parent if they ask - stuff was broken, expensive or impossible to repair, sorry to say the child is not welcome in future.

No to a sleepover next week, cinema with two friends is plenty.

OscarWinningActress · 22/03/2014 20:21

I think I'd be making DD pick up every last polystyrene ball (unless you believe she was completely innocent).

We have a rule in our house that whatever mess (not destruction) happens on a play date gets cleaned up by the DC afterward. So if they've had every last toy out as part of an epic play session then they have to pack it all away again after their guest leaves. I've noticed that they are now a little more discerning about who they choose to invite over and a little more assiduous about telling friends 'let's clean up X before we go and jump on the trampoline' .

Hope you're having that beer now .

YouTheCat · 22/03/2014 20:22

I'd still do the cinema but no way would I be having anyone sleeping over.

And tell your dd you'll be having half of her birthday money for repairs.

ChoudeBruxelles · 22/03/2014 20:22

I would be livid and would have phoned friends parents to collect her and made them sit silently while you waited for parents to collect

starlight1234 · 22/03/2014 20:34

OMG...Shocking behaviour...

Appalling behaviour by both children by the sounds of it...Yes I do think you need to cancel sleepover..It is a lesson to her and her friends...

I think your daughter if doesn't normally behave this way when she has friends over then you have to teach her a lesson in knowing her own mind and what it right and wrong.

Your child clearly shouldn't need that level of supervision but I do agree with that kind of behaviour you should of got them in the same room..What was there response when you spoke /Shouted at them?

youarewinning · 22/03/2014 20:34

Im impressed you survived the day. I agree with others that DD needs to pay repairs. It'll make her think twice about how chooses her friends which is a good life lesson.

I wouldn't cancel birthday treat though. I suspect she won't let it happen again.

PunkrockerGirl · 22/03/2014 22:16

What a horrible day for you. Hope the rest of your weekend is better

LtEveDallas · 23/03/2014 08:27

I didn't come back to this yesterday because I would have just ended up ranting. Had a vodka and immersed myself in NCIS instead.

DD is up and subdued this morning. But I haven't decided what to do. The sleepover is pretty much ALL she has talked about for weeks because it is her first one. Yesterday's child and one other were coming, am thinking today about making it just the other child.

Can't fix the beanbag, it's some kind of waterproof nylon stuff and really thick. The split went from one side to another (maybe a metre) and half the poly balls immediately disappeared - it was very windy.

I don't know what to do really, mum seems nice from what little I know of her, but her DD is definitely a little wild.

I'm still blaming DD too, but I do think there was a lot of egging on. At one point yesterday's child 'dared' DD to come to me and say she hated me, but I just laughed and said "double dares go back" which confused them both!

Arrggh. Was easier when I was angry tbh.

OP posts:

diddl · 23/03/2014 08:49

I do understand about the egging on, but when it got to breaking stuff your daughter could have said no to the girl or come to you for help rather than going along with it.

I think if the girl from yesterday is invited no to the sleepover.

Does she know that she's invited?

If so & she's uninvited that's certainly a punishment for her.

Then where's the punishment for your daughter-she still gets cinema & sleepover!!

LtEveDallas · 23/03/2014 09:10

Well the punishment for DD could be not getting one of her birthday presents - ie for the cost of the beanbag.

But yeah, I just don't know.

The shelf I put down to an accident, they were in the bathroom 'styling' dolls hair. I didn't actually know what happened because I scooted them out v quickly and set to clearing the glass. DD has since explained what happened and it sounds accidental.

The beanbag was def deliberate - but I supose they weren't to know it would split. The towel rail was pushing down on it to lift themselves up, again deliberate and stupid, but they didn't know it would break.

DD is saying that it was all the friend, but I don't believe her, I do think it was both.

Friend does know about the sleepover, as does other friend. I don't want to go overboard, they were all excited about it.

DH thinks I should do pictures then food at a new American diner close by, then they don't need to come to the house at all. But I feel sad for DD and other friend. I'm not feeling too charitable to yesterday's friend, but again I shouldn't blame just her.

I may wait and see what what mum thinks when I talk to her today. Although that may be by text, like I said I don't really know her.

When I blew yesterday I was all "RIGHT that's IT and if you think you are having a sleepover now you can think again". Kneejerk.

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purplebaubles · 23/03/2014 09:24

If you've already told her that, and then you let her have the sleepover anyway, what kind of message is that sending?

I would say, you've blown up and said no sleepover, no sleepover it is!

Besides, you've tolerated far more poor behaviour already than i ever would! You sound like a little bit of a pushover to me - sorry!

LtEveDallas · 23/03/2014 09:33

But then surely that is punishing the other child too, who didn't do anything wrong (and tbh I was worried that she was being 'pushed out' by the new friend).

It's a bloody minefield.

I do hear what you are saying about backtracking, but I can explain that to DD and offer another punishment.

OP posts:

SapphireMoon · 23/03/2014 09:33

Will go back and read thread properly in a minute. However, from what I have read I am with your dh on this. Cinema, meal and home.
With your dd say if she proves herself responsible with friends she may get a sleepover on her 10th birthday.
Can say the same to 2 girls and their parents too.
She still gets a birthday treat but has a whole year to earn the privilege of a sleepover.

WitchOfEndor · 23/03/2014 09:43

Difficult but I think it should be a no to the sleepover. Not just because you have already said so, but because you don't want anything like that happening on her birthday and ruining it. Think your DH is right, pictures and a treat but no to them coming back to the house ever again

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PossumPoo · 23/03/2014 09:52

The other child going to the sleepover isn't your concern. Your DD behaved badly and needs to see the consequences. At it's a good lesson to the other DC to behave at your house too!

SapphireMoon · 23/03/2014 09:58

Easy decision I think.
Don't stress op. Just no sleepover. She should be grateful still getting birthday treat. [Expect a tantrum and ignore/ say think yourself lucky still having treat at all].

saintmerryweather · 23/03/2014 09:58

Can you take them all out and just have the other child to sleep over? Explain that you dont want the one from today to sleep over because you cant trust them to behave

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