To not get the problem with skin whitening?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Just seen a video with a singer Dencia 'defending' her decision to lighten her skin and the interviewer suggesting that it means she's uncomfortable being a black woman. Provided the product is safe to use, I don't see why someone lightening dark skin is any different ethically to a pale person using fake tan, or someone putting a dye on grey hair.

[Tinkywoo]

I have name changed.

Very interesting posts on this thread.

As a black woman I feel there is a lot of pressure to be accepted in society. The number of black women with extensions that are ridiculously long and bleached skin is shocking. They are willing to go this far in order to be desired which is sad.

I have worn my hair natural for five years. At first I got odd looks and comments especially from black people. Now there is a natural hair phenomenon and I am once again accepted

Growing up I did not feel black women were portrayed as beautiful or sought after. At school even the plainest of white or Asian girls were put on pedestals due to their hair. The black girls who were fairer skinned or the black girls who had longer/softer hair were always deemed the prettiest.

I recall disliking my thick hair that shrunk to within an inch of its life when washed.

I recall hating boyfriends or guys asking how long my natural hair was underneath the weave. It was as is my worth was determined by my hair length.

I recall never allowing boyfriends see me without a weave.

I recall listening to black men rant on about their ideal woman being Latino J Lo, mixed Halle Berry or dark with Asian hair cannot be bothered to think of anyone fitting this description.

I recall being told by black men that their usual type is brown skinned girls but they thought I was pretty for a dark girl . I think they expected me to be grateful I got a look in!

I have never ever wanted to be anything other than black but there were times I felt very overlooked by being a dark skinned black woman with average length coarse hair.

Being a black woman is bloody hard at times and the only people who can ever appreciate this are black women.

[Serendipity30]

MrsDevere I stand by every statement I have made on this thread. You writing paragraphs in response to mine will make no difference. You made a sweeping statement I challenged and I stand by that. You seem to somehow think you can speak for all Black women and Black children in relation to hair but that is your opinion. Also if I was you i would be a bit more careful in how much information you share on this forum. I am not going to respond to anymore of your posts as you are starting to sound irrational and are taking my comments way more personally than they should have ever been taken.

[Serendipity30]

Tinkwoo great post.

[MistressDeeCee]

Tinkywoo well said - the absolute & utter truth of the matter.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Thank you for posting tinky. I know I don't understand, btw. I need brackets around all my comments on this thread.

[Serendipity30]

MrsDevere Now your becoming irritating, why on earth would i threaten you, for what purpose. This a thread on mumnet's for f's sake get a grip and move on.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Hey, come on, she's got her opinion and she's entitled to it, no need for personal attacks haku.

[BigBugs]

Great post Tinkywoo

Thank you

[Serendipity30]

Dragon she is accusing me of threatening her? what is that about. She baited me to respond to her and i did in a calm way to explain why i made my original comments. Im taking her insinuation that i am threatening her seriously because it is ridiculous.

[Serendipity30]

I would like to get back to the original topic actually.

[Serendipity30]

MrsDevere then all you had to do was ask me what i meant. Dont try and twist my words and give the impression that i have threatened you.

[Serendipity30]

MrsDevere I am deliberately not answering your so called questions even more so now that you would insinuate that I am threatening you. Jog on

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

haku - sorry, I don't follow at all.

I don't think anyone threatened you.

[Serendipity30]

Dragon Another poster insinuated that I was threatening her which was not the case not the other way round.

[Serendipity30]

Dragon No one has threatened me, at least not that i've noticed

[crazynanna]

Not trying to but in/be biased/take sides but...

MrsDV has openly spoken about her children on MN for a long time, has raised funds in the name of her children, has an open profile on MN, so I am a little confused on the "watch what you say on an open forum" comment?

[Serendipity30]

Crazynanna i dont know anything about the poster other than from this thread.

[crazynanna]

I can understand that hakunamatata8, but just clicking on her profile/searching her posting history would have told you she wasn't posting anything she didn't want known/had not posted before.

It was just a bit of a weird comment in relation to her history, which would be easy to find.

[TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy]

Here is Denica. I can't see anything healthy about that difference, even if it likely partially done in photoshop and lighting. This is what is being advertising it to young women and just another push of White women as a universal standard of feminine beauty that is globally damaging and maiming. If you look at any skin bleaching advertising, it's all equated with being pretty, clean, or - for the Unilever product - "fair and lovely".

No bleaching product is safe. There is no all over concealer or lightening equivalent to fake tan. These are dangerous. Look up videos on it and you can see documentaries on what many are calling an epidemic of the problems these products do, particularly to the young women Denica's products are aimed at.

I had my hair bleached blonde throughout my chilhood to help me pass as White along with being kept inside once I reached a certain age. My mother sent me a photo album of all my childhood pictures and it's heartwrenching because while there are no photos of the hours in the chair or the talks about 'protecting my complexion', you can see all my parent's effort to portray this perfect image step-by-step until they had perfected it in my middle school years. It was never discussed in terms of race, it was always "but you look so good blonde" and how much nicer people will be if I didn't get too dark. I remember my father rebelling against that when I was in high school and started going tanning to bring out his skin colour better after years of using creams. The amount of internalized hate that I am still digging out of is enormous, let alone the damage to my scalp, hair, skin, and the potential connection to that and my other health ailments (none of the products are meant to go on kids, but they're often used on them).

And this is with a White mother who didn't know my light skinned father's racial heritage (because his family will never talk about it because they pass as White to protect themselves in a very racist part of the US much like many others, I still only have fragments at 28) - she just doesn't like how I looked dark and genuinely thought I needed and looked better lighter like the rest of the family - she still tells me how nice I would look if I went blonde again, and I wear headcaps now. My sister still bleaches her hair and tells everyone how amazing her "tan" is because to her being anything other than White would mean she would have to face all the bullshit that I've gone through and she's happier and has all the support in all the Euro-fragments and none in anything else.

It's a lot more complicated that what one singer does to her skin, there is a whole system that takes the promotion and representation of this standard of beauty and tells the rest of us that they were rather we maimed ourselves and people maimed/allow their children to be maimed than represented us as we are. When Lupita Nyong'o talked about a young woman choosing not bleach her skin because of her, there is a lot going on there, most of which is a victory for the health and well being of all of us if we could all be represented and seen as beautiful for who we are rather than "pretty...for a dark girl" that seems to be the best some representation can get.