To think etiquette should be taught at school?

[Pedantichag]

What has happened to basic manners? Hmmmmm? Anyone have any idea where they've gone? Most people I've encountered recently seem to have lost theirs.

[Goblinchild]

The joy of an after school club is usually that you have children who really want to be there, and if they are being vile and disruptive, you can just tell them that they are no longer a member. Bliss.

[CrohnicallyChanging]

truffleoil I've noticed this a lot with children at our school. If they're walking through a door and it swings shut, they will often walk face first into it rather than put their hands up to stop the door/push it open again. Or sometimes they will miss the door completely and walk into the door frame. How do they do it?

[Pedantichag]

Stillenact

Commendable and what brilliant and enviable options.

[Martorana]

"Dinosaurs ate asparagus?
Who knew? Other than Martorana. "


Yep. And they never used a knife and fork. Which they never called cutlery.

[winklewoman]

kim147, the Debrett's list is rather a let down for weddings. Not a single example is given of a poem asking for money.

[cory]

Ime schools spend a lot of time teaching children basic manners: sharing and taking your turn, sitting quietly and listening when somebody else is speaking, asking nicely for things and not pushing and shoving, apologising when you have accidentally hurt somebody. They couldn't get through the school day without teaching that.

Etiquette is more tricky because it is not one fixed universal thing. The middle class etiquette I have been taught and have observered among my MC friends misses out several items that are de rigeur among some of the more working class mums I know. If I hadn't quickly learnt to observe them I'd be thought rude. Otoh some other habits of mine that dh and I would regard as essential etiquette are so class bound that they would seem stuck up and eccentric to somebody from a different background- as if I insisted on my child curtseying to his teacher because I was taught this in another country.

So whose etiquette goes?

[SamandCat]

I think teachers should model good manners( which they don't always) and correct and talk about lapses as the subject comes up (as should all adults working with children), but I don't think it is something you sit down and have formal lessons in.That would be bizarre

[TruffleOil]

Chronically I often just watch the children passing through doors at our school and it seems like maybe 5% of them (NOT MINE) seem to understand how to deal with doors.

I would fully appreciate any teacher telling them off for any door infraction. Thank you teachers.

cory - curtseying! Now that would be something! Aside from this - surely children don't have class-based etiquette?

[SamandCat]

..and good manners is about having consideration and kindness .
I know lots of cliquey bitches.Whi would never a please, thankyou or excuse me;

[Martorana]

"Otoh some other habits of mine that dh and I would regard as essential etiquette are so class bound that they would seem stuck up and eccentric to somebody from a different background"

That's what I mean by teaching the "etiquette-y" stuff separately.it's like learning a language- it's potentially useful to know, but you don't have to speak it. But if you ever find yourself in that country, you will be glad you can drag the words out from the back of your memory.

but never "pardon"; shudder

[BuzzardBird]

Well when we have all been brought up to apologise for not smoking when someone asks us for a cigarette I think we are doing ok manners wise?

[anklebitersmum]

Don't they sell etiquette in Waitrose any more?

[princessalbert]

It shouldn't be taught in school. Surely the teachers have enough to do already.

Parents should be teaching their children good manners. Table manners are my particular bug bear.

[Martorana]

You're thinking of quinoa, anklebiter......

[SamandCat]

or Kitekat

[anklebitersmum]

Martorana

You have to have a table to eat at to have table manners. Sat-on-the-sofa-in-front-of-the-telly-eating-off-a-tray-using-just-a-fork-watching-Hollyoaks manners are very different apparently

[kentishgirl]

I'm in my 40s and I still manage to walk into door frames sometimes.

Basic manners of please, thank you, waiting your turn, table manners etc are learned or not from their families. They can be insisted on at school as well, but whether the children then take them elsewhere if it's not part of their homelife, I don't know.

I can't believe how many grown adults eat like pigs. And teach their children to eat like pigs. I feel sorry for those children - it is a social (and career) handicap.

Etiquette is another matter. It's very class/culture variable.

[EasterHoliday]

we had etiquette lessons after A levels had finished but school hadn't broken up. The one on how to get out of a sports car without flashing my pants has been invaluable (not). They brought along a cardboard sportscar frame / door to assist our practice.

[lainiekazan]

I went to a village school in the 1970s - the full range of society was there.

We all sat at tables for lunch and all had to adhere to the strictest table manners. No holding knives like a pen, etc etc. If the Headmaster caught anyone with elbows on the table he'd stride over and swipe them off. The atmosphere wasn't stultifying, it was all good humoured.

Now, every single child, no matter what their background or circumstances, left that school with A1 manners.

I see some appalling manners from children which must be learnt from their boorish parents. Letting doors swing in your face and my number one bugbear - riding a scooter straight at you and saying "EXCUSE ME," to get you to leap out of their way.

[ConferencePear]

Parents who don't teach their children basic manners let them down badly. I sat down in our self-service dining room opposite to a boy who had chosen chips. He noticed that all the others were eating their chips with a fork and he simply couldn't do it. In the end he took to picking up his chips with his fingers and then sticking them on to his fork before transferring them to his mouth. Poor kid was embarrassed and I reckon it was entirely his parents fault.