to be so, so upset about what my friend said (and not tell her)

[dancingwithmyselfandthecat]

Ok, this happened a few days ago and I can't put it out of my mind.

Darling friend was on the phone, having a bit of a moan. She has a DD aged 18 months and was annoyed with her parents, her husband, her nanny, the whole world. I get that those days happen.

I told her she needed to forget about all the crap for the night, sack off the housework and read a good book with a glass of wine. She said that she just couldn't do that. I told her that she needed to make time to relax (she has a demanding job and does a full time week in four days) or she would be no use to anyone.

At this point she said, "But I can't do that now. I've got too much to do. Everything changes when you've got kids". And I (maybe stupidly) pushed the point that having kids doesn't mean you don't need a night to unwind once they are in bed. And she said "You won't get it. You won't get it until you have kids". I ended the convo politely and hung up.

The reason I don't have kids is because I had three miscarriages and a stillbirth in three years. I was devastated after the stillbirth, which was only a few months after her DD was born. I am not trying at the moment, because I need time to recover, and I might never be ready again. She knows all of this.

I get that she was in a bad mood, and I might have wound her up too. I get that it was a slip of the tongue. But I have spent hours with her and her DD, and I have spent hours listening to her moan even though it killed me, because I want to be a good friend and because I know that hiding away from the world of babies won't do anything to help me. The very least she could do was show a bit of consideration for that, or at least call to apologise.

I suspect that I am being unreasonable. But I feel like I was slapped in the face.

[NewtRipley]

In summary - I think this friendship maybe needs to be downgraded a bit for the moment, for your happiness' sake.

[AngryBeaver]

Ok, I see she has apologised.
That's a start.
Listen, she is taking for granted what she has. That's human nature.
She should be moe sensitive to your needs though.
Is there any chance she thought that it might help you to see her and the baby?

I haven't read the whole thread, but have you spoken to a professional about your feelings?
I have been through similar experience (not identical, you can search me and read If you like x)
This is my 7th pregnancy. It has been incredibly stressful, and I know I'm still grieving for the little girl I lost.

A lady came to visit me unannounced the other day. She brought her newborn girl with her.
I instantly felt uncomfortable. And THEN, I called her baby my (lost) baby's name.
And fell apart inside.
She knew it, I knew it. She left after a while. But it was just awful.
It's been around 18 months now, and I know I'm still grieving.

I haven't spoken to a professional, but maybe I should have.

A mn'er I met (because of our situation) DID see a "head doctor" and she feels it helped a lot.

Again, I apologise if you have mentioned that you are/ see someone.

Coming back to the friend.
I can tell you think a lot of her, but this isn't "something trivial", sweetie.
Did she support you when it actually happened? If yes, then I suppose she has just become desensitised to your troubles and engulfed in the minutiae of her own.
I'm sure this is not meant maliciously.
But people move on and forget.
WE don't, but other people do.
It's so hard.
Lots of love
Xxx