to wonder if I am expecting too much from an au pair?

[splasheeny]

We have one dd, 3 years old.

We need an au pair to get her ready in the morning, take her to nursery (10 minute walk), then pick her up, give her dinner and play with her till we get home.

Dd goes to preschool during school hours, and we are usually out of the house from 7.30am till 6/7pm. We ask for very little in terms of housework.

Our new au pair is leaving us after a week as she can't cope.

Dd is sensitive to change, so to be fair her behaviour has been worse the past week, but I was hoping the au pair would try a bit longer before giving up. We have had a good handover period and provided lots of support.

What do you think is reasonable to expect from an au pair?

[NoodleOodle]

Definitely try your second choice. If they're still looking for a job I would think they'd be more grateful at being offered a position than resentful at being second choice. Just choose your wording sensitively.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Aps generally work 25hrs a week but looking after school aged children so a bit more capable and independent

At 3yrs old I feel that you need a nanny - it is a lot to ask an ap to look after a 3yr /toddler - 2yrs older and at school and makes sense to have an ap

Can you find a nanny share or maybe someone at nursery to ring dd home and look after her till you get home

[splasheeny]

Prior to getting an au pair I asked her whether they are suitable for 3 year olds and everyone said yes.

If dd was just a few days older she would be starting school in September. As it happens I'm glad she isn't but she is nearly school aged.

We have found another au pair who can fortunately start soon.

[GarthsUncle]

Hmm. If she's off with only 3 days notice I reckon that another job has come up that she prefers more, that she took this one as it started first and she hadn't heard from the other one but now she has - she's off - and using the convenient fact that dd has been a bit challenging this week as an excuse just to walk out as fast as she can

I agree with this.

[Tryharder]

Not read all thread but 25 hours a week isn't excessive. But people on Mumsnet don't like au pairs and won't be happy until you are paying £25k pa for a nanny.

Your au pair sounds a bit wet. Find someone better. [shrugs]

[GarthsUncle]

... Or she really does have a crisis back home ( and that's what you tell your back up candidates)

[echt]

A gazillion years down the line for me as DD is grown up: an AP is not for pre-school children. Nannying on the cheap.

[romina]

YANBU - we've had APs since DS was 2 - huge benefits on both sides and still in touch with them all.
I agree - especially in Central London, sounds like they've found another family, who at least sounds better - she may have a nasty shock in reality.
Some people are really anti- others having any form of help - as you've seen here. We all do the best we can - you've obviously done your research - don't let people get you down.
Would you consider a male AP? Much lower maintenance in my experience and that of several friends!
Good luck with your next one.

[splasheeny]

I know our au pair was definitely going home as she asked us to print out her plane ticket. The reasons for that are up for debate.

Our new au pair is a qualified primary school teacher, and was able to come for an interview in person and meet dd. We really like her, and she will start soon.

Romina I am not averse to male au pairs but as we only have a dd we thought a female au pair would be best as she won't be phased by girly things like platting hair (dh has no idea how to do this!). Dd is also very girly and we think she will have more in common with a woman. If we have a son we would look at male au pairs.

Au pairs aren't childcare on the cheap. We want them so dd can have one to one care, be bilingual, and we also need the flexibility they bring.

I just hope our new au pair is good.