Is 4 too young for pocket money?

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

My dd is becoming very spoilt. We buy her new things like books etc and her grandparents buy her masses of toys for no reason. Because of this she is starting to be ungrateful and demanding. I know it's our fault but mainly theirs so am wondering how to fix it before it gets too bad.

Therefore wibu to give her a small amount of pocket money to save up for things she wants? Money based on good behaviour? She's very able (I know she's my daughter but she is; she has a high level of understanding) and I think maybe now is the time to introduce the value of money to her.

Any advice?

[TunipTheUnconquerable]

x-posts Freedom - we're on the same page with this!

[TunipTheUnconquerable]

If they are determined to pour money onto her, Blackholes, they can put it in a savings account for her! Do they understand about cost of university education now etc?

[Flexiblefriend]

DD started having pocket money at 4. I don't think it is too early. She only had 50p a week, and she could choose to spend it on sweets, or save it towards a toy. She always spent it on sweets, but I was happy with that as you can't get much for 50p, so her teeth seem to have survived.

She didn't understand the concept too well to begin with, but I think having the pocket money helped her get it. Now at 6 she has a good idea of how much things cost.

Re the PIL's spoiling her, I like freedoms idea of asking them to give her time rather than money. If they do want to give her money maybe they'd consider starting a savings account for her for when she is older. If they are reasonable people surely they will see spoiling her with toys now is not in her best interests?

[TheTerribleBaroness]

I think some four years olds will be perfectly capable of understanding the concept of money, and others won't. It all depends on the child and what interests them.

DS has just turned four and loves counting and numbers. He likes nothing more than wandering round the supermarket clutching some coins and trying to work out what he can buy. He still gets confused by the difference between euros and cents, but you have to start somewhere. Cue this Saturday after he found two cents on the floor. Next thing you know he's charging excitedly down the aisle clutching a jar of jam and saying "Look daddy, I can buy this! This is exactly two and I like jam!". Poor DH had to explain that he needed two euros, not two cents.

[trinitybleu]

DD started at 4 and understood. She very quickly understood that £2.50 could get you a magazine OR a huge bag of sweets, a ride and some to put away for a toy in a few weeks

She now at 6 is able to save up for long enough to buy things like the mega Lego sets whilst still buying some sweets and giving pennies to the Guide Dogs collection box next to the sweet stall

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

If she was rude and didn't remember her manners when given a present, then I would verbally remind her and if she continued to be rude I would put the present in my bag/or away and tell her she needs to earn it back and she can start with nice manners and saying thank you.

I imagine she'll have a tantrum but I'd completely ignore it.

[BertieBotts]

Pocket money no I don't think. But we do give "stars" for good behaviour and each star is worth one euro (or £ if we are in the UK) We find this easier to explain because he also gets confused between cents and euros and no amount of explaining helps. So it's easier to say "This costs three stars. How many stars do you have?"

He keeps trying to save up for a game, but always spends the money on sweets. I want to make some kind of graph or table for him so that he can see where this is going because at the moment he's really not making the connection that every time he has 2 or 3 he spends them. He's only ever managed to work up to having about 6 at a time, but he's probably had enough in total to buy one of the games he's been so desperate for!

[BertieBotts]

And I introduced it for the magazine reason as well! He always wanted magazines and they're so expensive.

[rockdakazbah]

My 4 year old son is the same OP. We have started giving him pocket money and as another poster said, although he doesn't understand the numbers he does understand that he can either have a cheaper toy now or come back in a few weeks and buy the more expensive one when he has enough coins. It seems to be working well at the moment. I don't think it's too young at all. He always looks so pleased when he realises he's saved enough money for the toy he wants. We are teaching him how to manage his money at a early age and as someone who has struggled with debt, wish that my parents had done the same with me.

[JustMarriedBecca]

I got pocket money when I started school at age 4. I used to buy frog note paper and pencils. I think I only got 50p so I guess now it would be about £1 a week. I was taught to save 50p a month and I'd go to the building society with my money on a Saturday (bet it was really annoying for the clerks). I don't think it was too young.

[TinkerbellTrains]

I have a 3yr old and a 4yr old. They both get "pocket money" after we starting having a similar problem.

They are both fantastic with it. We only started a few weeks ago. They get 50c per year of age. ($1.50 for the 3yr old, $2 for the 4yr old)

Ds1 wanted to buy some new colouring pencils and he knew they were $4 so he put his $2 in his money box and waited until the next week for his pocket money. He them knew he had enough to buy his pencils.

Ds2 wants a new thomas train. They are about $15, he's saved $7.50 so far. Every Sunday we sit and count it and work out how much extra he needs. He loves seeing his coins build up and loves it even more when I change his coins into "paper money" (notes)

It works great for us.

[BertieBotts]

Hmm, I'm rethinking the pocket money idea now - I think it might be helpful for DS to see the actual coins building up. At the moment it's all virtual for him, mainly because of the stupid German rule that all cashpoints except for your own bank charge, so we're often scrabbling for cash anyway.

[UniS]

I gave our lad pocket money from 4. 10p a week to start with , which would buy him 2 Lollypops or one giant chew. It helped him understand prices and spending. I'm very firm on no advances or loans. If he wants sweets he has to have the cash in his pocket.
Now age 8 he is expected to do his chores before he gets pocket money, he's just agreed to take on an extra chore to secure extra cash. £1.50 a week for school shoes cleaned and kindling bucket filled weekly.

[honeybunny14]

My dcs were 3 when i started giving them pocket money young i know.

[CheeseStrawWars]

Roosterbank is a good tool to help kids understand their pocket money. DD is 5 and it helps her understand the concept of saving/spending. No actual money is involved online, we really like it.

www.roosterbank.com/default.aspx

[TheSurgeonsMate]

We use a visual system, if dd wants a toy worth £10 then we draw 10 circles on a sheet of paper and she can see that she'll be able to afford it when she has filled all the circles with coins. Trouble is she wants a " noisy drill " now, but I don't know how much they cost.

[LouiseSmith]

Ask your family of they want to buy toys or books, to use the money they'd spend and save it for her instead?

That way they get to spoil there granddaughter, you get over the spoilt phase, and she has a nest egg to help her out in future x

[bobot]

Could the grandparents put money into a bank account for her instead? Or pay for an activity like gymnastics or swimming lessons?

My four year old, although she can't add and subtract large sums of money, can easily understand when something costs more than she has, and can add and subtract if it's a round number, like 1 from 3 will leave 2. She can also recognise coins. An able four year old would benefit to some extent, I think.

[lljkk]

Pocket money pointless before 7yrs old ime. they cannot understand value of money at all.

[BookABooSue]

We started pocket money at 4. On occasion, we will still buy ds a toy as a reward for extra good behaviour but generally now he knows he has to save his pocket money.
He's currently saving for a giant superhero toy that he knows we would never buy for him unless it was his birthday! However if he continues to save then he should be able to afford it by the end of this month.
It's been good for him to learn about saving, the value of money and delayed gratification.
It's also very sweet when I say I have to go to the cash machine and he offers me money from his bank instead

[chirpchirp]

I do pocket money with DS who is three. This started after requests for magazines started every time we walked near a shop. DS has grasped that he can either have a magazine on a saturday or save up his pennies to by a piece of beloved playmobil, or anything else he fancies (within reason). He may not understand the maths yet but he will ask me how many more weeks until we can go and buy whatever it is he longing for. He is very cute with his little purse, proudly telling the shop assistant that he's saved his pocket money up.

He's doing really well with it. He still sometimes asks for a magazine but just talking through his options of spending it on junk or saving up for something good usually results in a wise, tantrum free decision.

[Thepoodoctor]

We don't do actual money for ours (5 and 7) but they have a penny jar - pennies in for good behaviour and when the jars full they can buy something of a certain value.

7 year old could probably do money now but the 5 year old couldn't so we are sticking with jars for now!

We also had doting grandparents (still do) and I think it did help to explain the effect that constant gratification was having on the kids behaviour - and didn't offend too much! I like the suggested conversation of money versus time.

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

Wow loads of replies, thanks! Lots of helpful tips. I did explain up thread that the grandparents are generous with time and I couldn't expect any better in that sense. They just enjoy spending their money too.

It's a great idea to spend money on seimming lessons etc- will maybe drop a hint?! Would find it very hard to ask outright.

Will discuss the ins and outs with dp later re: how and what to do, then will probably start pocket money ASAP! She's also good at very simple addition and subtraction so it will work!

Thanks again

[Dinosaursareextinct]

I don't see how giving pocket money will help solve the grandparent problem? Won't it just make DC more spoilt?
I would sit down with the grandparents and have a proper discussion, explaining what would really help DC (eg them helping save for uni or holidays, or trips out, or music lessons, or whatever).

[CMOTDibbler]

I think its too young for pocket money (esp if you control what she can spend it on - the idea is that it is wasteable money), but not too young to start learning about money. We started giving ds an allocation of money on trips out from 4 - so I worked out how much I'd be willing to spend on rides/ icecream/ having a go on things/stuff and put that much in coins in a purse for him. When he wanted something then he got the money out, handed it over etc and we did prompt about 'well, if you do x, then you will have spent y and won't be able to do z', but it was up to him what he spent it on.

At 7, he thinks carefully about the cost of things when its his money!