Is 4 too young for pocket money?

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

My dd is becoming very spoilt. We buy her new things like books etc and her grandparents buy her masses of toys for no reason. Because of this she is starting to be ungrateful and demanding. I know it's our fault but mainly theirs so am wondering how to fix it before it gets too bad.

Therefore wibu to give her a small amount of pocket money to save up for things she wants? Money based on good behaviour? She's very able (I know she's my daughter but she is; she has a high level of understanding) and I think maybe now is the time to introduce the value of money to her.

Any advice?

[Katnisscupcake]

My pocket money started at 3 or 4. 20p. The difference was that we never had sweets bought for us so our pocket money always went on those.

DD doesn't get regular pocket money but whenever she does get given some it goes straight into her money box. We have stopped the treats though because it was becoming a weekly occurrence and she has so much rubbish!! So now she just gets gifts at Xmas and Birthdays, or if she's had to go into hospital for an operation or some blood tests (regular occurrence...).

[trinitybleu]

Meant to say she earns extra for chores. Usually 20p for putting her washing away or emptying the dishwasher.

Her best enterprise is to lend us money when we need change for parking and then ask for interest when we pay her back!

[lynniep]

We don't do pocket money. They earn stars instead. We did try giving them money, but we are careless with change and the 4 year old kept hoarding it because he didn't really understand what it was, which caused large tantrums from the 7 year old.

So we have stars. DS1 has silver and DS2 has any colour that isn't silver because he can't cope with just the one option! We just stick them on a calendar. They are 'used' or 'removed' with spot stickers over the top, indicating 'fine' or 'spent'.

DS2 can understand this concept and can count well enough to know that, say four stars is something from the pound shop. He also understands that he can earn them, and equally by not doing something he's supposed to, he loses a star. They earn them for relatively random stuff, like being generous and spontaneous tidying, as well as for 'homework' (not the stuff from school but extra stuff we give them)

DS1 is old enough to know the value of each star (we say to him that each one equals 30p or ten minutes on the tablet/ds/xbox etc although we give them free time on the xbox if its a dance/exercise type game)
He also gets fined for behaving badly or not doing as asked.

So far (about 3 months down the line) it seems to be working quite well.

[hiccupgirl]

My DS is 4 and we started £1 a week pocket money after Christmas for exactly the same reasons as you OP. it has worked brilliantly. He also gets extra bits of money for particularly good behaviour or helping and he loves counting out his money and deciding what to spend it on when he's got enough.

The first couple of weeks he didn't really get that he couldn't have everything he wanted but now he will ask how much something is, whether he has enough and then if not, says he can wait till he has. A cople of times he's asked me to pay for it instead but I just tell him he has to save enough money.

It's def stopped the constant asking for things and helped with the general behaviour.

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

It's to teach her the value of money, so she appreciates what she has, starts to learn budgeting etc. I will try and say something re: money for swimming lessons to the gps,

[Moonfacesmother]

Mine has been having pocket money for a while. He's four and a half. Simply because he'd got in the habit of asking for stuff when we went out - a comic, a dinosaur, a sweet etc. he didn't always get anything of course but it would start a debate.

Now I say 'yes you can have it if you buy it' and he nearly always decides he doesn't need it and keeps his money. He's saving up for a triceratops excavation kit. It is £12 and he gets £3 a week. Next week he will have enough money. I know everyone will say £3 is a lot but it doesn't buy much! He's fairly good at saving and has saved up for a few bigger items such as a pillow pet, fossil set and some moshi monsters.

He likes having his own money in a little wallet.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I agree Dino, the OP's child will just have money and presents

[CMOTDibbler]

I think its too young for pocket money (esp if you control what she can spend it on - the idea is that it is wasteable money), but not too young to start learning about money. We started giving ds an allocation of money on trips out from 4 - so I worked out how much I'd be willing to spend on rides/ icecream/ having a go on things/stuff and put that much in coins in a purse for him. When he wanted something then he got the money out, handed it over etc and we did prompt about 'well, if you do x, then you will have spent y and won't be able to do z', but it was up to him what he spent it on.

At 7, he thinks carefully about the cost of things when its his money!

[Dinosaursareextinct]

I don't see how giving pocket money will help solve the grandparent problem? Won't it just make DC more spoilt?
I would sit down with the grandparents and have a proper discussion, explaining what would really help DC (eg them helping save for uni or holidays, or trips out, or music lessons, or whatever).

[BlackholesAndRevelations]

Wow loads of replies, thanks! Lots of helpful tips. I did explain up thread that the grandparents are generous with time and I couldn't expect any better in that sense. They just enjoy spending their money too.

It's a great idea to spend money on seimming lessons etc- will maybe drop a hint?! Would find it very hard to ask outright.

Will discuss the ins and outs with dp later re: how and what to do, then will probably start pocket money ASAP! She's also good at very simple addition and subtraction so it will work!

Thanks again

[Thepoodoctor]

We don't do actual money for ours (5 and 7) but they have a penny jar - pennies in for good behaviour and when the jars full they can buy something of a certain value.

7 year old could probably do money now but the 5 year old couldn't so we are sticking with jars for now!

We also had doting grandparents (still do) and I think it did help to explain the effect that constant gratification was having on the kids behaviour - and didn't offend too much! I like the suggested conversation of money versus time.

[chirpchirp]

I do pocket money with DS who is three. This started after requests for magazines started every time we walked near a shop. DS has grasped that he can either have a magazine on a saturday or save up his pennies to by a piece of beloved playmobil, or anything else he fancies (within reason). He may not understand the maths yet but he will ask me how many more weeks until we can go and buy whatever it is he longing for. He is very cute with his little purse, proudly telling the shop assistant that he's saved his pocket money up.

He's doing really well with it. He still sometimes asks for a magazine but just talking through his options of spending it on junk or saving up for something good usually results in a wise, tantrum free decision.

[BookABooSue]

We started pocket money at 4. On occasion, we will still buy ds a toy as a reward for extra good behaviour but generally now he knows he has to save his pocket money.
He's currently saving for a giant superhero toy that he knows we would never buy for him unless it was his birthday! However if he continues to save then he should be able to afford it by the end of this month.
It's been good for him to learn about saving, the value of money and delayed gratification.
It's also very sweet when I say I have to go to the cash machine and he offers me money from his bank instead

[lljkk]

Pocket money pointless before 7yrs old ime. they cannot understand value of money at all.

[bobot]

Could the grandparents put money into a bank account for her instead? Or pay for an activity like gymnastics or swimming lessons?

My four year old, although she can't add and subtract large sums of money, can easily understand when something costs more than she has, and can add and subtract if it's a round number, like 1 from 3 will leave 2. She can also recognise coins. An able four year old would benefit to some extent, I think.

[LouiseSmith]

Ask your family of they want to buy toys or books, to use the money they'd spend and save it for her instead?

That way they get to spoil there granddaughter, you get over the spoilt phase, and she has a nest egg to help her out in future x

[TheSurgeonsMate]

We use a visual system, if dd wants a toy worth £10 then we draw 10 circles on a sheet of paper and she can see that she'll be able to afford it when she has filled all the circles with coins. Trouble is she wants a " noisy drill " now, but I don't know how much they cost.

[CheeseStrawWars]

Roosterbank is a good tool to help kids understand their pocket money. DD is 5 and it helps her understand the concept of saving/spending. No actual money is involved online, we really like it.

www.roosterbank.com/default.aspx

[honeybunny14]

My dcs were 3 when i started giving them pocket money young i know.

[UniS]

I gave our lad pocket money from 4. 10p a week to start with , which would buy him 2 Lollypops or one giant chew. It helped him understand prices and spending. I'm very firm on no advances or loans. If he wants sweets he has to have the cash in his pocket.
Now age 8 he is expected to do his chores before he gets pocket money, he's just agreed to take on an extra chore to secure extra cash. £1.50 a week for school shoes cleaned and kindling bucket filled weekly.

[BertieBotts]

Hmm, I'm rethinking the pocket money idea now - I think it might be helpful for DS to see the actual coins building up. At the moment it's all virtual for him, mainly because of the stupid German rule that all cashpoints except for your own bank charge, so we're often scrabbling for cash anyway.

[TinkerbellTrains]

I have a 3yr old and a 4yr old. They both get "pocket money" after we starting having a similar problem.

They are both fantastic with it. We only started a few weeks ago. They get 50c per year of age. ($1.50 for the 3yr old, $2 for the 4yr old)

Ds1 wanted to buy some new colouring pencils and he knew they were $4 so he put his $2 in his money box and waited until the next week for his pocket money. He them knew he had enough to buy his pencils.

Ds2 wants a new thomas train. They are about $15, he's saved $7.50 so far. Every Sunday we sit and count it and work out how much extra he needs. He loves seeing his coins build up and loves it even more when I change his coins into "paper money" (notes)

It works great for us.

[JustMarriedBecca]

I got pocket money when I started school at age 4. I used to buy frog note paper and pencils. I think I only got 50p so I guess now it would be about £1 a week. I was taught to save 50p a month and I'd go to the building society with my money on a Saturday (bet it was really annoying for the clerks). I don't think it was too young.

[rockdakazbah]

My 4 year old son is the same OP. We have started giving him pocket money and as another poster said, although he doesn't understand the numbers he does understand that he can either have a cheaper toy now or come back in a few weeks and buy the more expensive one when he has enough coins. It seems to be working well at the moment. I don't think it's too young at all. He always looks so pleased when he realises he's saved enough money for the toy he wants. We are teaching him how to manage his money at a early age and as someone who has struggled with debt, wish that my parents had done the same with me.

[BertieBotts]

And I introduced it for the magazine reason as well! He always wanted magazines and they're so expensive.