"but say I am not ready to sacrifice something that is important to me,that is having some form of financial and psychological independence by working." But you wanted to have a family i presume?
Its not about sacrifice, its about compromise - which you both need to do.
Just stop trying to out-do each other, you are not on a feminist campaign trail - in fact if you were, you are going the wrong way about it by cow towing to the career treadmil which is demanding you sacrifice your family just now. Women shouldn't have to make this choice - more needs to be done so that women don't feel scared to put their families first and work ridiculous hours which just don't work, because they are scared of getting knocked off the career ladder they have worked hard to climb. There should be more done so that men can also take the same steps back from their careers and be able to pick up where they left of.
Until this happens there will be more and more families like the OP's, resentment festering because they both feel torn between work and family, stress and guilt because, like it or not - something has to give and people often simply can't afford for that to be work.
All these demands on your time and attention OP are resulting in you not being able to enjoy what should be a magical (albiet bloody knackering) time. In the long run, you know what - your DD will be fine, im sure she loves her CM and its what she knows, its ner normal and thats ok, its you and your DH that are missing so so much.
Look for ways to make your lives less stressful - the thing that is "giving" here is your relationship, you resent each other because its difficult, change priorities - put your family first (which iknow you are doing but really, make a list, family on top of it - everything else fits around that, it IS possible, its not made easy for people but people do make these things work).
My friend works full-time, long hours, long commute - she has two children, has just gone back to work following mat leave. It works because her DP has chosen not to follow the high-flying high earning career route that he could have done and is working a job that means that he can pick the children up from the CM at 4.30 and spend time with them, sort dinner etc, so that when my friend comes home she has some time with the boys. She also dropped a day so works four days, one from home - she gets to have family time that SHE needs. They both have made sacrifices and compromises - both highly qualified professionals who i admire as they have their priorities straight. I am AS qualified as them but chose to be a SAHM (there were other factors, ill-health being one of them), i don't regret that, i do regret not keeping my hand in and finding part-time/local work as i have found it impossible to return to my old career, again though, there are other factors (including a major employer leaving the area) that have come to play here. If i had my time over though - i'd not want to miss my DD growing up I now co-run my DP's business and am stepping up with more time etc, its a challenge im enjoying.