Things that happened at my son's birthday party

[MauriceMinor]

Typical pre-school party at a little soft-play centre.

Halfway through one child rushes out of the play cage and is sick in a bin. His mother and several other parents sort him out, wipe up, change his clothes etc - then he rushes back in to play as if nothing happened.

His mother drags the bin over to the entrance to the play cage in case he needs it again. Which he does, five minutes later. People are looking a bit wtf at this point and I am pretending I don't see it as I don't want to get wound up. In total the boy is sick three times in the bin - the bin which we are using right next to the food table - and goes back in to play each time.

He looked dreadful, but was cheerful enough so she said it was a shame to spoil his fun. AIBU to think if your child pukes at a party, you take them home? At one point she had half the parents helping her wipe the floor and change his clothes. People treat her very kindly (myself included) because her son has mild autism and she is a single parent managing completely alone. I have extended huge empathy and friendship towards her. But I really think letting him throw up three times, very publicly, at my child's party is more than a bit off.

What do you reckon?

Also - this is weird too I think: at the end of the party, one parent (who I barely know) started cutting down the balloons and handing them out to children. After she had cut down the balloons provided by the soft-play people she started on our own helium balloons which had been sent to DS as a present from his granny for his party. They were in a bunch of 5 by the food table and were obviously our own. DH had to ask her not to but by then children were literally queuing up for their "take-home balloon".

That's weird, no? And grabby?

As I'm on a roll - one more thing: there was an older child there, looked about 8/9, I have no idea who she came with and didn't manage to ask. It was really odd as the equipment was clearly for little ones. I let it go but at the end the people running the place handed out the party bags and she took one! A bag filled with bits of things for toddlers!

AIBU to think all this is most peculiar behaviour? Or have I just not been to enough parties to know any better?

[pigletmania]

I most certainly would body

[Floggingmolly]

It's a public place that op had hired for her son's party, body. Slightly different to the local park.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

The Mum should have taken the sick child home I think

The person who cut the balloons and gave them out ... I can see she might have been trying to help with the ordinary ones - the party children may as well get full enjoyment from them and it's busy for parents at a party so can be good if others get involved a bit? But I'd definitely ask before giving out helium balloons who they belonged to (and what you wanted to do with them) - in fact probably leave that to you

Older sibling/non-sibling - this sort of thing just happens I think.
Best to be laid back about some stuff ?!

[Sparklymommy]

I have four children, I would never in a million years sneak siblings that hadnt been invited in! That's so rude!

I have taken siblings to soft play centres and paid their entry/food and made it quite clear they are NOT a part of the party.

Puking boy I think I probably would have asked to leave after a second incident.

As for the balloons, how cheeky!

[bodygoingsouth]

yes see your point she could have suggested but ultimately it's the moms decision and she sounds a complete idiot.

[bodygoingsouth]

sneaking siblings in is rude. by all means being to sift play with you but parents should pay.

[endlesstidying]

Piratejelly that's just appalling. Some people are beyond belief. No one assumes that travels costs are included to a party let alone the rest of the behaviour.

Good lesson about passwords if I'm ever asked for one it wil be something very complicated and unlikely

[LimburgseVlaai]

The siblings thing is very annoying but not at all unusual. Some parents in DCs' classes were notorious for bringing along siblings and then either sitting on their arses or leaving, having obtained free child care. It is up to the birthday child's parents to make it clear (on invitation or on the door) whether siblings are welcome or not. As an invitee it is also polite to ask whether siblings can attend, but as I said, some parents are just rude.

Eldest DC had one parent in her class who did the double whammy: she always brought three siblings along and expected food and party bags for all four, and then she started organising everything and everyone (similar to the balloon thing): "Come on! Cake time! Here's a balloon! Here's a party bag!"

Parties can be hell. It gets easier as they get older and you don't invite the whole class anymore.

[pigletmania]

Pirate I am those mums are disgusting. Expecting party host to ay for their transport and extras, are tey as adults not capable. Accepting children's money to pay for ter cab home stoops to a new low. Keep going, and teir dc will not be invited to any parties, fine example they are setting.

[Funnyfoot]

Pirate I have actual rage reading your post!
That poor mum. They basically obtained money by menace. What an awful bunch of bullies.

[Only1scoop]

Pirate....that is horrific

[cerealqueen]

You were the host of the party, even though it was soft play and should have asked her to take her child home.

The baloonn thing - you could have told her to stop.

Party bag girl - you should have said no.

There are threads about appalling shitty grabby behaviour because people stand by and watch it happen, then people think its ok to behave it a shitty way etc etc.

[Madeyemoodysmum]

Outrageous behaviour on this thread

Vomiting. Terrible. I would have spoken to mum and asked her to take child home (over 40)
Balloons. Entitled cow or busybody either way outrageous
Sibling. The norm I'm afraid

I was at a party once for a 5 yo. One mum left an uninvited sibling of only 3. She left a contact number
Her child pooed his pants and it was a really acidic smelly one! There was still 45 mins left of party and she didn't answer her phone when party host tried to ring her several times and left a message.

All the other kids were well passed nappies so no one had any changing bits with them or spare clothes.
Poor lad.

[CombineBananaFister]

It is all a bit weird but then I have to say so is standing by and accepting it. I know it's hard as a host to call people out on stuff as you're meant to be making sure everyone has a good time and no-one likes upsetting people but there are boundaries.

You would hope common-sense would tell puking childs mum to go as it is her responsibilty but if she didn't I think I would have- as nicely as possible because of the duty to the others including my own Ds (would've felt a bit mean though )

As for the other stuff, people will continue to chance it unless they get pulled up on it because we are all sooo polite but if it bothers you then decide whether it's worth saying anything or silently seething.

[Gladvent]

All very odd! Get some new friends

[FederationPresidentBarryFife]

Ummm I think the balloon lady was probably just trying to help! Lots of people do give out the balloons, so YABU there. (IMO) I don't think that is so weird - you should have said something to her.

The vomit kid should have been taken home IMMEDIATELY. Honestly, who keeps a vomiting child out at a soft play? that is so massively inconsiderate.

[MauriceMinor]

Interesting to hear your views. I did indeed stand by and let it happen. I feel queasy at the mere thought of a puking child. I zoned out I'm afraid. I'm lucky DS has never been sick, not once. Touch wood.

This particular mother is the only parent I can think of who would do what she did. She's is very sensitive about her son's needs and I know she would have cried (she often does) if I had asked her to leave.

Things were made slightly more awkward by the fact that one of the parents is a doctor and told her he thought the child looked fine and was just over excited. She should have trusted her instincts but she is quite a weak person. Had I asked her to leave she would have done so without question (but would have cried). Equally, because a parent told her to stay, that it was no big deal, she followed their advice. Perhaps it was the doc's fault!

She did show an astounding lack of common sense though. I think it's a bit worrying actually.

[BalloonSlayer]

God I want to cry reading about the party piratejelly went to. That poor Mum

[Floggingmolly]

I can't believe a doctor parent stuck his nose in and told someone her puking child was fine to stay at a party! .
Even if it hadn't been virus related; it's pretty grim to have a vomiting child anywhere near the food area and other children. Puke is rank whether it's "infectious" or not...

[Floggingmolly]

God, yes. Pirates party sounds unbelievably awful. Some people genuinely act like savages; hardly surprising when their kids turn out to be vile as well.

[TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos]

At my DS's 5th birthday, siblings came who weren't invited, which I semi-expected and, as it was a Church Hall type of party, I could absorb them and their parents were staying. Most I knew already, being in DD1's class and were only 2 years older than my DS (I already expected a handful of siblings, as a couple of lone parents with several children had asked beforehand). However, part-way through a game, I noticed a sibling had been left, his father (who I hardly knew) had scarpered and I hadn't been told he was there! I was livid, both being used as childcare and the safety implications of not knowing who I was responsible for, but I didn't get a chance to speak at pick-up and it was half a term before I saw them at the school gate again. I tried to compose a text, but couldn't get it all in. I shall be pre-emptive with that family next time and I suppose I was fortunate in that the children are delightful and well-behaved and I think it was a missed cultural nuance which meant they were left. I did, however, make it clear that older siblings were not to dominate or spoil it for the invitees, that invitees were seated first at the tea and, though I could run to a piece of cake for everyone, only invitees were to have a party bag. Grrr!! And I had named invitees on the invitation!

[Madeyemoodysmum]

A child in my dds classes mum is a GP
The child was sent home after being sick one day. The next day he was back, I asked dd why as usual school enforce 48hr rule she said

"It's ok mum, his mum has a really important job! "

Wtf

I was livid!

[Babiecakes91]

I agree the ballon things weird, I have an autistic 2 year old who's almost 3 and he gets sick out of over excitement but I can tell which ones am illness and which ones just happen every other day.
I hope no other kids have caught the lb virus but sometimes when my ds is sick I just know it's because he's too hyper which other people can't tell by looking at him x

[MrsKoala]

My sister had a party for my 7yo nieces and took in to school an invitation for everyone in the class. She didn't make the invitations to named people as couldn't be arsed to write them out. Big mistake. On the day about 10 kids turned up, holding invitations, who had not been invited and no one knew who they were. It turns out the actually invited kids couldn't make it so the parents passed on the invitations to someone else. As if they were just concert tickets or something.

Something similar happened at my 1st wedding. We invited an older lady family friend of exH (like an 'aunty' to him). She couldn't make it so sent her son in her place. He proceeded to get pissed, call my BM a slag, racially insult her H, and leave our wedding cake at a bus stop

[AmIIndecisive]

Parties can be very stressful.

The vomiting thing sounds grim and if other children get ill, the parents will probably blame you for allowing the kid to stay but the parent was out of order keeping the kid there.

YABU re the balloons, it's not uncommon for kids to want the balloons and the lady was probably trying to help (and secure one for her) but nothing unreasonable in you saying your child's specific ones were your child's birthday balloons and please can they be left alone.

Re the older child, unfortunately this happens all time, people assume they can bring siblings etc as they have no one to look after their kids. As time goes by you will assume this happens (or people never RSVP and turn up anyway) and buy a few extra meals and going home presents.

Oh well, at least you have a whole year til next one, try and remember how much fun your kid had and don't dwell on the irritations.