in wanting my unreasonableness accommodated?

[TheLittlestSprout]

I know I'm being unreasonable but given the circumstances want this to be accommodated. AIBU?

I live abroad and get to travel home once a year. Last year I didn't as I was heavily pregnant so when I go in a few weeks it will be the first time I've seen my parents for 2 years and the first time any of my family have met my son.

I normally stay with my parents. My sister lives nearby and visits them several times a week with her 4 kids and their large, friendly bouncy dog. I want my sister to leave her dog at her house for the week I'm staying. My sister is throwing a strop and refusing to do this and my parents are saying they don't want to get drawn in, which feels like they're prioritising the dog over their grandson.

I know AIBU however in my defence 2 months ago DS (then 5 months old) was attacked by my fuckwitted ex friends dog. Thankfully he wasn't seriously hurt and his face has almost completely healed now and he seems to be completely over it. Unfortunately I am still totally traumatised. I can feel a panic attack coming on just writing this. I know it wasn't my sister's dog, I know it's unfair to punish him for this other dog's behaviour but I can't stay with DS in a house where there is a dog running free. I just can't. In fact I think I'd rather just cancel and not go at all.

So flame away. I'm being PFB aren't I?

[moominmarvellous]

YANBU

I have a dog, and he's friendly but lively. If my niece or nephew had been attacked by a dog, and my sister requested I leave my dog at home as a result, I'd totally understand that. No matter how often I saw her.

I wouldn't take it personally and don't blame you for exercising caution and think your family should be way more understanding especially as your only visiting as well.

[ukatlast]

YANBU surely there is no reason why she can't comply for just one week. Selfish woman. I would call your parents' bluff and say if the dog is there, you won't be.
Your child has already been hurt by a dog, you are still traumatised.

[ShakesBootyFlabWobbles]

YANBU, it is fairly reasonable request and not difficult to accommodate as she lives closeby.

Sounds like there are other issues with the relationship and this is her way of dominating the situation.

[Avalon]

Given that the sister lives in the same village as the parents, what hardship would it be to leave the dog at home?

I don't think the op wants to avoid all dogs for ever, just would like a little support from her family for this visit. For a week.

It's not asking a lot.

[steff13]

If you were asking the dog to be locked up or otherwise not present in his own home, I might think you were being unreasonable. However, the dog doesn't live with your parents, and apparently lives near enough that he wouldn't be left alone for more than a few hours if your sister and her kids come to visit, so I think you're not being unreasonable at all.

I have a large (100 lb.) bouncy dog, and I wouldn't dream of taking her to someone else's house, or allowing baby in my house without the dog being restrained. She's very friendly, has never hurt anyone, but she gets very excited when she encounters new people, and jumps up, and it takes her a good long while to calm down. I'd be afraid she would jump up on the parent and injure or scratch the baby. We usually keep her on a leash when people come over, until she settles.

I think your parents need to step up and tell your sister not to bring the dog over while you're visiting. If they refuse, perhaps cancel the visit and ask them to come visit you.

[Juno77]

YANBU. Your sister is being nasty and self obsessed.

It's a fucking dog. Even if your DS hadn't been attacked by one (which is so awful by the way, glad he is okay) then she should respect your wishes not to have an animal around a baby. But the fact he was attacked means she is even more of a heartless bitch.

You maybe can't avoid dogs forever, as such, but you can certainly avoid your 7 month old baby from being in close proximity of dogs.

[SiliconeSally]

Clam Surely the Dsis doesn't need to organise a dog sitter while she visits her parents for half a day I the same village?

[WooWooOwl]

Your sister does sound like she's generally an unreasonable person, but I could see her point in this case.

There is no reason to believe that the dog is any danger to your son. There just isn't, unless it's a very badly trained dog with a terrible owner who hasn't socialised it at all and unless you decide to let your son annoy the odd and you leave them unsupervised.

Your fear is completely understandable, but the way your sister will see it is that the dog isn't a danger to your child and you are making a demand over something you have no real need to be that concerned about. She will see it that she is being asked to change her norm because you have decided to turn up and impose your unreasonable fear onto her family.

I can see both sides of it, and I can see why your parents have taken the attitude they have.

[PiperRose]

YABU your sister's dog appears to be absolutely fine with children as she has 4 of her own. Her dog is obviously part of the family and she brings him/her when she visits (which is regularly) and you expect her to leave him/her at home because you are visiting for the first time in 2 years.

As a mother it is your responsibility to help your child to recover both physically and mentally from the attack and not pass on your feelings of trauma. What better way to do it than with a "big bouncy friendly dog"?

[Idespair]

Why does your sister have to visit at all during the week you are there? She lives nearby and visits all the time anyway.

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

Is there any chance your sister is being resistant and your parents not wanting to get involved purely because there is no relationship between you and your sister so there must be general tension somewhere?

I'm surprised your sister visits so often while your there if she doesn't want a relationship with you.Maybe she does but due to not having one is being a bit of a pain?

[Caitlin17]

Couldn't you compromise and dog be kept in another room/ garden/ not every visit?

I think you're both being a bit unreasonable and digging in. Her dog doesn't have to always be there and you're going to find it difficult to avoid seeing dogs ever again.

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

Fwiw I would just go as normal and if you are uncomfortable with the dog go out while it's there.

But remember it's probably the norm for him to be there all the time.Your sister may not like having to change normality and make an effort,especially if she thinks you don't make one (which she may not,but given no relationship but her visiting so much when you are there that she may well want one but see you as resistant as may your parents given their response.Something to think about.)

[pictish]

Your fear is completely understandable, but the way your sister will see it is that the dog isn't a danger to your child and you are making a demand over something you have no real need to be that concerned about. She will see it that she is being asked to change her norm because you have decided to turn up and impose your unreasonable fear onto her family

Nicely put.
I don't have a dog myself, and if I'm honest, I totally cannot be arsed with doggy people who demand that their dog is regarded as equal to people at all.
In this case though I think the OP is demanding that her fears be made priority.
All this talk on here about the dog being there compromising the baby's safety is a load of old bull. The dog concerned has never done anything to anyone's knowledge, that has endangered a child. Except dare to be a dog. It's an overblown ask.

[helenthemadex]

YANBU you have been through something very traumatic and terrifying in time you will feel ready to deal with that but a short one week visit where you are introducing your ds to family is not the time, your dsis sounds a bit of an entitled cow.

I would tell your parents that you feel they are putting the dog above their grandchild, and if they can not or will not say anything you will not go/stay elsewhere

[helenthemadex]

the op's fear is not irrational, she has witnessed her 5 month old son being attacked by a dog, I can not imagine how awful and scary that would be, this dog probably is not a danger to her or her son but why should she put herself and her ds in a position where she is worried sick, thats not healthy for her or her son and probably not fair on the dog

[nkf]

Bouncy friendly dog is a dreadful thing. All that slobbering and barging. I think your sister should be kinder to you. Does she know how you feel. Could you tell her? Maybe she doesn't realise how frightened it makes you feel.

[pictish]

I can also understand why the parents don't want to get involved. The OP is asking them to take a stand against their other daughter, regarding something that is normal and every day to them all, in honour of her visit, to indulge her irrational fear. Awkward as hell....they can't be expected to take sides like that.

[pictish]

It IS irrational. Understandable yes, but irrational all the same.

[MarjorieChardem]

Your sister is being a completely selfish bitch. I have been bitten twice. Both were border collies. I would actually cancel. There's no way I would be in the same room as a dog if my child had been attacked and your parents need to prioritise their grandchild. If they couldn't even be bothered to do that I would say fuck them and not go.

How can anyone put a fucking dog first over their own grandchild or nephew? Unbelievable.

[Andanotherthing123]

YANBU - my brother had a big dog of a quite daft breed which jumped up loads and 'mouthed'. When my sister had her baby, DB was mortally wounded when she was asked if the dog could stay home on short visits to our parents - DS had been attacked by a dog as a child and was terrified of them. Fast forward 3 years to the birth of DBs DC and not only can the dog stay home it has also had a special enclosure built in the back garden to limit the time it's in their own house.

Am sure your sis dog is lovely, but the attack on your son is recent and your are scared. Totally reasonable IMO.

[pictish]

How can anyone put a fucking dog first over their own grandchild or nephew?

No...how can anyone put a dog over someone else's irrational fear, would be accurate. The baby is not in any danger from the dog.

[drbonnieblossman]

yanbu. given your ds has already been bitten by a dog, I think your dsis is being very selfish. her dog can visit your parents any time. your ds cant. Is your dsis a little green that you and ds may hog the limelight?

[Purplepoodle]

You can't change other people so take your own steps. When she visits stick your baby in its pram and go for a walk or go to your room to feed. Remove yourself in a nice way.