To think these single parents don't hold the monopoly on difficult parenting...

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

My friend and I were at a local mother and toddler group this morning and we were having a private conversation regarding her on going situation with her partner. Don't want to go in to details but the basics, he works away a lot. Doesn't contribute much in the way of finances (apart from rent), emotional support, practical support even when he is home.

My friend started to get a little upset and I was aware that 2 women were able to overhear the conversation and suggested leaving and her coming to mine for a coffee to talk properly. She agreed and then said sometimes I feel like I'm a single parent, and it's tough.

Well woah did these women not rip her to shreds. She was already upset and they didn't pull any punches saying, she has no idea how hard it is to be a single parent and the long and short was man up and she was selfish. I told my friend to get her son and I would meet her outside.

I politely suggested that the women should keep their nose out of a conversation they overheard and were not directly involved in and that actually they were unaware of the full circumstances therefore really should not comment.

I am not for one second saying the two situations are the same there are obvious differences but she was just saying that was how she sometimes felt. I also don't think single parents have an easy time of it, neither to people in my friends position or even people in stable loving family's. We all have problems, I know not all single parents have this attitude but this isn't the first time I have came across women/men with this attitude.

This isn't so much as a AIBU as it is a bit of a whinge and wondering others opinions...?

[IneedAwittierNickname]

jacks I used to look forward to my childfree weekends, because it was time for me, at a time when lots of my childless friends were also free to meet (most of them work Mon -fri so school days were out)

On the other hand, I miss the dc when they aren't here, and knew they'd be coming home with "daddy said x about you" "daddy said we should say Piss not wee"

He's cancelled last minute so often now that I never actually plan anything in advance :(

[OBehaveMaeve]

the way you write "these single parents" when you are one yourself is bizarre.

[morethanpotatoprints]

All parents have problems and all situations are different.
I am long time married my friend is sp whose dd has never seen her father.
My friend thinks that although I have a dh for support she has benefitted from being able to parent her way, how she wants without having to agree and compromise over parenting issues.
I think I'm lucky to have the support at the end of the day.

[SinisterSal]

That must be sooo hard when they cancel last minute. Imagine to let children down like that I have a friend whose bollocky ex does this quite often - it 's heartbreaking for the dc.

[WooWooOwl]

my experience backs up SinisterSal, when I was a single parent I was very happy, and while I missed my children at the weekends, I also appreciated the fact that they were with the only other person in the world that loves them as much as I do and I used my time wisely and to have fun.

It was a lovely time in my life, and as much as I wouldn't be without my now DH, I'm also very glad that I had those years just me and my dc.

[bluebeardsbabe]

I'm a single parent with very little involvement from the father. I spent Christmas with my sister and her family and while her husband works late and is only really around at weekends he is an emotional and financial support and IMO her situation is so much easier than mine. I NEVER get a break.

OP YANBU for getting annoyed at the women listening/commenting. However I don't think you can ever compare the two.

Sinistersal you however ABVU with your ludicrous comment. I can't think of a single parent I know who has a luxurious every second weekend free!!

[SinisterSal]

Well that's not what I said bluebeard

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

these single parents I specifically meant these two single parents I wrote about in my thread (the two women and M&T)

[spookySwitched]

I'm a single parent. My exh takes the kids every Saturday and yes I do go out and enjoy myself most weekends. If I don't go out I have nice food, drink and watch some non kid friendly movies.
I'm happier too as he was a lazy arse so I used to do I talk anyway, at least now I'm not angry at him for not pulling his weight!

[IneedAwittierNickname]

Exactly sinister if I don't get a social life until the dc are grown up then that's fine,.its kind of what I signed up for when I had them.
but it makes me so fucking angry that he will let his children down like that, especially as when he does it he's at home playing happy families with his gfs children!

[OBehaveMaeve]

I am sorry, I don't believe you are a single parent yourself. I think you are in an unhappy marriage and you 'envy' single parents and resent them.

[BaconAndAvocado]

I've been both and, for me, both scenarios have been bloody hard work!

I was much younger and livelier when I was a single Mum and had one extremely passive, easy-going child.

Second time round, mid-40s with 2 LOs very close in age but also with a great DH in tow I've still found it hard!

And child 1 is now a teenager.....

[SinisterSal]

I know what you mean INeedAWittierNickname. I have seen my friends 4 year old sit at the bloody window waiting. It's a fucking nightmare - and that's only to witness it.

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

Sorry I would just like to make clear I wasn't comparing the situations as in a single parent vs married family manner. I thought I made it clear in the original post that I am fully aware of the difference I just don't understand the reaction of the two women... My friend has said this to me many time and I genuinely feel for her and I don't think "how dare" you. It's how she feels and I do think she is entitled to feel how she likes.

[jacks365]

So just ineedawittiernickname then. I'm a single parent, ex has no input, family is not exactly local (over an houraway) last time I had anyone babysitting was 2years ago but I don't find it hard by any stretch. It's much more preferable to the abusive relationship I was in. I'm not doing any more now than I was then but I don't have the constant fear and feeling let down by him. From what you say about your friend she might find being a single parent easier too.

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

OBehaveMaeve Is that aimed at me? Would you like a copy of my decree? What an absurd comment to make.

[jacks365]

I'm an incredibly sliw typist on my phone so we are now up to 3.

[AmberLeaf]

They were rude to interrupt, but they were right really IMO.

I could say a single parent has it easier, as they get lovely long weekends child free

HA HA HA.

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

jacks my situation was very similar to yours so being a single parents is actually preferable. I left when DD was 7 weeks old but I really have never looked back.

I think my friend is leaning in that direction but was speaking to me as I've been through a breakup with a child (although a newborn so no questions) I have told her I will be there regardless but she is from another country and I think she fears being alone with no family support.

I moved close to family and although I don't request much babysitting from them etc it means I can have company in the evening sometimes or somewhere to stay the odd night. My family truly have been my rock and I think it scares her that she doesn't have this.

[float62]

YANBU for thinking these women rude, they should have kept out of your 'private in bold letters' conversation. YABU for thinking the lives of single parents and couples who parent are in any way the same. They are not - one person is not two people. Either scenario can be good and bad - no partner is often better than one that is detrimental to the family. The 'Ideal' is two parents living and working together towards the best for their family, supporting each other when needed, over a sustained period of time. Rarely happens. And you are only at the 'mother and toddler' stage, basically the start my love. Possibly you emanate a subconscious smugness or superiority towards these 'single parent' women that they 'picked up' on, or maybe not.

[SinisterSal]

It's a horrible situation to be in, for your friend.

My mother used to say it wasn't really the big stuff, it was the small stuff like having no to ask at 3 in the morning, should it be another spoon of calpol or call the GP. All the responsibility.

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

I am sorry if my post was offensive, It's not what i meant.

I was sorting out my DC so sorry for the late reply.

A lot of single parents i know their DC go to their father house every other weekend. This time for them is the only break they get.
I do understand there are many sorry for excuses of a fathers out there and not every single parent gets this balance.

Same as there are some shit live in fathers that makes the home life not so good and the mother can often feel like she has no help or support.

I will ask MN to delete that post because i have caused an offence.

[jacks365]

I must admit I do spend quite a few weekends at my parents but all my real socialising is based around the dc. I can go days without seeing another adult.

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

float62 Please read my posts. I AM a single mother. But I don't think that I am worse off because of it. To the contrary I am a lot happier and I know my daughter has had a happier upbringing because I left my ExH

[Monetbyhimself]

I don't think it will, or should be deleted. It's a generalisation that is often used, and I welcome the opportunity to challenge it.