To ask parents of 6/7 yr old girls to tell me what they are like?

[drivingmisslazy]

MY DD is going through a bit of a whiney, teary stage where she is thinking of no-one but herself, I have tried calmly talking to her she says sorry cries and said I don't know why I do it I wont do it again, but 5 mins later is back to being the same. I said to her older brother its a phase she is going through, but he thinks its just her lol. So can you tell me what your dd's are like so I can show him.

TIA

[Kewcumber]

crossbag - you're not being defensive - gender sterotyping is so common that people don;t even realise they're doing it. And whilst I don't think its exactly girl bashig I do think that the way we react to behaviour does tend to reinforce - "oh girls do that (therefore its OK for girls to be teary and histrionic) Boys do;t do that (boys must be tough and insensitive)"

All children should be taught that crying about nothing or small things is silly and not OK and crying about important things/pain IS OK.

And we wonder why men often struggle to communicate ther emotions effectively! Because they've been taught not to.

[Kewcumber]

sorry thats a bit of a hijack

[MerylStrop]

Fantastic. Bonkers. Irrepressible. Wildly creative. Not into sleeping. Sticks up for her rights (or what she perceives as them) with everyone, including us. Cuddly.

OP is your DD tired and fed up of the Xmas holiday/missing routine?

[MerylStrop]

FWIW DD is also a master at the art of looking at me with utter contempt.

[MistyB]

My DD seemed to go from thinking it was great to be her to finding everyone around her irritating, found everything difficult and she sobbed for reasons she couldn't explain. She suddenly didn't like being herself and didn't like being around any of her friends. I tried talking to school but they couldn't really explain it either or really help, I don't think there was any bullying involved but she just found herself unable and unwilling to fit in with those around her including her brothers who she found intensely irritating. I found it very difficult to separate myself from her pain and found taking her to school very difficult. She is getting better and is much happier in herself though still a bit of a loner which breaks my heart.

[JingleJoo]

My 7yo is an absolute joy now on a 1 to 1 basis. Caring, good company, helpful.

But if her 4yo db is winding her up, if she is tired, or if there has been a lot of change (beginning/end of term) she can be head-bangingly frustrating, cheeky, and messes with my head. Drama queen doesn't even go halfway to describing it.

[JingleJoo]

I get the 'contempt look' too Meryl , complete with 'huh' noise and eye rolls!!

[Beamur]

I don't get any of this with my soon to be 7 DD.
Her Dad on the other hand would tell you a totally different story!

[thoroughlymodernmummy]

I have 3 girls, aged (almost) 6, 7 and 9 and at any point during the day or week they can have their moments! The eldest stomps and huffs around to get her way, whilst the middle on cries and is very emotional if things aren't hunky dory for her. And the youngest, well she seems to think that shouting and a bit of sass is the way of the world. They are completely different and have been pretty consistent through the ages so I'd say personality plays a big part as well as age!!

Luckily good behaviour out ways the bad in Our house ( at the moment.....)

[GoldenGytha]

I have two DDs, now aged 22 and 20,

Neither have ever been whiny, DD2 was a bit more "clingy" than DD1 who was always more independant.

DD1 was very much into horses, cats, and every other animal at that age, but loved Disney Princess, purple and baby dolls too.

DD2 was more into Princesses of any kind, fairy tales, pink, dressing up, Barbies, but also adored her Baby Annabell, and she is as cat mad as I am.

Not much has changed really, except they don't play with dolls any more obviously, but both still love Disney Princess.

Never had the "attitude" with either of them.

[drivingmisslazy]

No worries crossbag :)

I think she could well be missing the routine of school, as a lot of things have been relaxed because we are not getting up too early.

She has been a delight today, must know its her last day.

[TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy]

DD1 is going to turn seven next month and in the last few weeks has really turned emotional little ball. When she's happy, she's very happy but can turn on a dime into really upset. It's almost like her being 3 again with the "Whyyyyyyyyy?", "How come?", every little thing question, every hurt is major, always demanding to know why people won't do things her way/why she has to do things. Most frustrating is her wanting me to make someone play with her her way right after she's asked me to stop someone else trying to play with her. I've stopped games recently because it was draining for everyone else to deal with her persistently whingey voice trying to weasel the rules and game in her favour in ways never allowed to anyone else. I wish I knew how to calm her.

[stealthsquiggle]

I sort of both agree and disagree, Kew. As individuals, yes, it's about seeing the child, and in no way whatsoever is my DD given the message that wailing and moaning (or putting on silly baby voices) is acceptable, any more than she would be if she were a boy.

OTOH, I have observed (in DS's peer group and now in DD's) very different group behaviours in girls and boys, even in a school which is very outside active activity focused with very little time or appetite for "princessy" behaviour. So I do, personally, believe that there is an (albeit small) element of hormonal/nature rather than nurture element to the way they form group relationships, which inevitably affects how they behave as individuals.

[crazycanuck]

But stealthsquiggle when they've already been individually socialised to behave in a stereotypical manner, of course they're going to still behave like that as a group.

OP, my 8 year old ds is sometimes like that too. I agree with the earlier poster about them struggling with contemplating their place in the world and newfound independence. My ds also thinks about death and the 'big' questions a lot.

[Madambossyboots]

Crossbag I agree. I have 3 dd & get fed up with people saying arrrhhhhhh boys are easier, you'll have your hands full.
Same with teenagers, I have 2 & they are lovely fun people.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

My 7 year old DD is, currently at least, delightful most of the time. My 10 year old DS drives me to distraction with his screaming temper tantrums and general disrespect and rudeness. I expect they'll swap places sooner or later.

[Kewcumber]

my observation of school is that the gender differences only really start showing around 7 ish eg in reception I saw very little behaviour that was boys behaving differently to girls except when adults kind of prompted it. For example boys are allowed to be louder for longer before they are asked to calm down whereas loud girls tend to be frowned at and shushed much more quickly.

DS's group of friends have totally absorbed that boys behave in a certain way and girls behave in a certain way from school. Individually his friends don't behave in a different manner to how they did 2/3 years ago so I don;t see how it can be that they have changed - they are just much more aware of the outside world and what is expected of them. I never tell DS to stop crying because "boys don;t cry" or anything similar - I happy for him to cry when its someone worth crying about and not when it isn;t but I can't tell you the number of times we've been out and he's hurt himself and strangers have said "don't cry like a girl" or something similar!

But at 7 - differences can't surely be hormonal. There is no evidence that I know of this mythical testosterone surge boys are supposed to get at five.

But of course its only my opinion - its been interesting being single parent to an only boy and it has changed my opinion slightly on gender expectations from outsiders. I'd love to see some research onto how much behaviour is gender specific and how much is social programming.

[Kewcumber]

psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/09/05/boys-and-girls-not-as-different-as-we-thought/

this is interesting - though its only a book review and I'm not paying for the book - I'm not that interested!

[jinglemel]

My 6 year old is talkative, hyperactive, funny, generous to a fault, kind and always does as she's asked both by me and at school. She never ever cries unless hurt or ill and never ever tantrums or whinges (yet - I'm praying this doesn't mean I'm in for terrible teenage years!) The only thing I could 'fault' her on is that she's easily distracted and often has so many things she wants to do that she starts things but doesn't finish them.

[stealthsquiggle]

Unfortunately there is no such thing as tidy control groups when it comes to DC - but we certainly apply the same guidelines at home (for example, Kew's "cry if it's worth crying about, but not if it isn't") to both DC, but I can in no way say that they haven't been subject to "girls do X, boys do Y" pressures from outside, because they live in the real world and those attitudes are out there no matter how much we try to screen them from them.

The differences in DD's 50/50 year group are way more apparent that in DS's (at that stage) boy-dominated one. I don't know what conclusions to draw from that, since the social mix is also noticeably different .

[gazzalw]

I think the social mix of their school peer group can really impact on their behaviour.....DD has a couple of really strong and attitude-filled girls in her year with whom she has a love-hate relationship. Since they came into her orbit there has been a marked change in her behaviour - for the worse! DD is more of a follower than a leader so she is much more influenced by other girls than some would be....

DS has never had Attitude and he's 13 now...he has strops but has never exhibited the type of less than desirable behavour that makes DW and I despair sometimes....

[bemusedisnottheword]

Crossbag I have 3 dds too aged 11, 6,and 3. I also have a ds aged 14! All four of my dc have very different personalities regardless off gender. I get the comments all the time about ds being the only male in the house but I love having it like this.

[moominmarvellous]

My DD is 7 next week and she's going through a real 'people pleaser' stage. She wants to help out and be praised. She asks if she's a big girl a lot stuff like that.

I've also got a 3year old whirlwind so to me the older stage is the easiest at the moment!