To keep ds off school tomorrow because he's exhausted?

[Mittensonkittens]

Ds is in reception. He's well below statutory school age being one of the youngest. He has really struggled with being tired anyway and unfortunately is one of these children that is hyperactive when tired. Basically the more tired he is the harder he finds it to sleep.

Yesterday we had a family wedding at which ds was page boy. He just about got through it but today is extremely tearful, emotional and easily frustrated. He can't concentrate and his reactions to everything are very over the top. He won't nap and never has so the best I can do is put him to bed about 6pm.

If he sleeps in tomorrow (going to bed early and sleeping in are the only ways to help since he won't nap in the day as he fights sleep like it's the enemy) would I be unreasonable to keep him at home and have a quiet day? He hasn't had a day off so far since starting and has a full on couple of weeks coming up with school performances and school christmas parties. I would just tell him he was a bit under the weather. He loves school so isn't the sort of child to decide he wants another day off randomly and play on it. It would just be a recovery day. Generally since starting reception we haven't been able to do anything at the weekend so he can recover from the week but it was unavoidable as it was a wedding. We also stopped over at the hotel so he didn't sleep well even when he was in bed.

AIBU?

[WaitMonkey]

I'd keep him off without question

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I would see how he is in the morning.

I would also see perhaps what you could do to boost his every levels so he's not so wiped at a weekend. Reception does have down time and is mainly play so he shoukdvt be that tired all the time. That would worry me.

Dependant on how he is tomorrow I'd absolutely keep him off. A day home with his fave three meals so he's fed up , well nourished and well rested can make all the difference. He's four. One day won't hurt.

[Mittensonkittens]

If I leave him to sleep he might go through until 9ish. I could maybe take him in in the afternoon.

To those saying it's just how it is and you have to cope as an adult if you are tired - he is 4! When I'm to tired I do not scream and cry and beck e hopelessly irrational. Well, maybe I do become irrational...

I think ds's problem is more tired = less sleep. So by Wednesday evening he's struggling to sleep and wakes through the night, by friday he's exhausted but awake until late and again waking repeatedly so he needs the weekend to sort of get back into sleeping properly and recover. I don't know why he's like this but he is. It seems to go hand in hand with a range of sensory type issues he has.

I will see how he is in the morning, if he sleeps in or he's as miserable as he was this afternoon then I probably won't send him. I can't see what he will get out of it tbh.

[Mittensonkittens]

too tired.

[SoupDragon]

I'd leave him to sleep and take him in late.

[YourHandInMyHand]

He doesn't legally have to be at school and he's tired, keep him off.

The fact you aren't able to do anything on a weekend as he's so tired sounds concerning though.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

mittens I really don't think you need to explain yourself.

It's pretty common sense that with some things one day now will save you three or four days later. He will miss more in an Exhausted unresponsive week than he will missing one day.

Do what you see fit for your Ds!!

[YourHandInMyHand]

I agree OP he is only 4. He doesn't have to suffer monday to friday at 4 years old FGS!

My DS has autism and finds school very tiring and overwhelming - I often keep him off for the day and tell school why. He's 9! Thankfully the headteacher understands and knows him well enough to realise it's in his best interests and the rest of his classmate's too.

Have you had your DS's sensory issues looked into?
How is his behaviour in general?

[Mittensonkittens]

His behaviour in general is ok.
We have issues around sleep, food, textures (clothes etc) and noises. Sometimes I think the reason he gets to tired is because he's constantly overstimulated. Particularly by the noise. He has been known to spend the afternoons sat in the book corners with his hands over his ears. School are aware of my concerns.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Do you think he would Benefit perhaps from half days instead? Maybe timed to skip the extra busy noisy periods and to ensure he's fully wound down and rested by bed time?

[SuburbanRhonda]

Mittens, that was quite a drip-feed!

Sounds like he has some needs that may require assessment at some point. You say that school are aware of your concerns, but do they have concerns of their own and are they addressing them? I would be asking to see the Senco if my child spent whole afternoons in a corner with his hands over his ears. That sounds like more than tiredness, IMO.

[Mittensonkittens]

The school won't accommodate half days. He did have a slightly longer settling in period in the first half term but now they want them all in full time.

Sorry if it was a drip feed, the thing is I don't think we will ever get a diagnosis. He doesn't fit the asd profile in lots of ways. He fits the sensitive child profile but I'm not really sure what that means. School say that he will get used to the afternoons as time goes on and apparently after christmas there will be a bit more structure which will suit ds better. He may well be better in year 1 next September as he does better in structured less frantic situations. He doesn't do brilliantly where it's just a free for all and essentially quite chaotic.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

When you say he doesn't fit ASD , who said that? Are you going by what you have read about or is this from someone actually qualified to say?

Has he seen anyone at all?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Sorry that sounded harsh, wasn't meant to be. Just wondered if he's ever even referred to an expert x

[DontmindifIdo]

did you try the putting him in the car and driving to see if he'll sleep there idea? I know some DC won't sleep in a car, but will he? For future, it might be worth it to waste a bit of petrol to get him to nap in the afternoon if he needs it. (I'd also question allowing him to stay up late for anything from now on, it does'nt seem worth it for your family)

[SuburbanRhonda]

So has he already had an assessment, OP, and who did it? Has he had a hospital paediatric assessment? You can ask for a referral for this at your GP.

I've been working in schools for years and I've never heard of a "sensitive child" profile. I didn't want to mention ASD in case you hadn't thought of it yourself and it can be upsetting to think your child might be on the spectrum. But from what you say he seems to have some traits, so I'm surprised the school isn't at least considering that as a possibility.

I have no advice about keeping him off. I wouldn't, and didn't, even with my August born DS who didn't even go to nursery as we had been living abroad. But ultimately it's your decision and the earth won't spin off its axis if you do keep him off for one day

[SuburbanRhonda]

X-post, giles.

[FridgePervert]

I would keep him off. There is no benefit in sending him to school if he is too exhausted to function properly.

[SuburbanRhonda]

sovery, not sure where you are, but here you put your DC into Reception in the September of the academic year in which they are 5.

I asked to defer for my DS as he was 4 and two weeks when he started in Reception, but the LA said he could defer for a year, then go straight into Year 1 (missing Reception entirely), but the school would not be obliged to hold a place for him, even though he had a sibling at the school.

It worked out in the end, but it was a tough Autumn term for him.

[Mittensonkittens]

He won't sleep in the car. Unfortunately. I've wasted hundreds of pounds driving him around as a baby and toddler desperately trying to get him to sleep.

I don't think he fits the asd profile but I admit I don't know everything about it. He has no problems socially in smaller situations, he has plenty of friends, he does a lot of imaginative play including using one object as another (pretending a shoe is a house etc), eye contact is great, very verbal, can empathise well, copes with changes ok, chats to absolutely anyone. Otoh he is better with adults and older children and definitely lkkes to feel in control.

I read a book called the sensitive child - someone on here recommended it to me - and it did seem to fit ds. He just seems to have sensory overload quite easily. He isn't so bad with textures of clothes now but textures of food and also smell of food causes us problems.

We did consider delaying him into reception but he'd have had to go straight into year 1 next year so that didn't seem the answer either.

[May09Bump]

I would let him sleep and see if he can do the afternoon.

Really not worth putting him in grumpy and upset, they have the next year to get up to full time hours. He is one of the youngest and it does make a difference. You know your son and it sounds like a one off situation anyway.

[northlight]

Have you thought of putting the clocks forward an hour in order to get him into bed earlier while he thinks he's getting to stay up later.

This is an exhausting term, but after the Christmas shows and so on primary schools tend to have a quietish run down to the holidays. You may be surprised at how things change in the New Year. The kids are usually ready to be back and routine is quickly established.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I think the first step would be to get him a drs appointment or speak to the school and see if there is someone they suggest referring him to. It could all be nothing and hopefully so, but anything that could help him cope with school can only be a good thing.

Things affect people in different ways and a check list in a book would not necessarily be of any use in something like this where the symptoms have such a wide range.