To be annoyed at people texting me?

[PattyPuddy]

We're having a house clearance and I'm selling lots of stuff on Gumtree.

I put my email address in the ad and obviously communicate by that means initially. When we get to the stage where someone is trying to make arrangements to collect something or come and look at something. At that point I ask them to give me a call - and pass on my phone number.

So far 3 people today (I'm overseas) have started texting me and asking if it's okay to come along at a certain time.

Why can't people phone? Have people forgotten what communicating is all about - or am I being unreasonable? I don't text as a rule and I'm certainly not going to text back and forward trying to find a convenient time when all that's needed is a phone call.

Texting is far quicker. Read a sentence, bash out "Yes 5pm is fine", job done at your own convenience with no need for banalities.

I don't understand the fretting about depersonalisation of contact. Some types of contact have always been impersonal. In what age would I have wanted to form a social bond with someone coming to collect a sofa? I still have long phone calls to my parents, texting isn't going to substitute for those.

The problem with depersonalisation of contact is precisely that. People can stop seeing their interlocutor as a person.

Some people are empathetic and have good social skills regardless (so no, the fact that you're still nice to people is not evidence of there being no issue) but some people, who are prone to being a bit selfish, thoughtless or rude are given a screen behind which they can magnify that behaviour, in a way they wouldn't dare if they had to look someone in the eye or just speak to a human.

I've experienced exactly that both at work and when being messed around by house viewers.

There's also far more room for misinterpretation. We're social animals who grow up learning very subtle interpretation of facial and vocal expressions. You get so much more from speaking, while saying very little, so that less actually needs to be said to reach an understanding. Of course text has it's place for mundane things but I think the 'getting a feel for the other person and their sincerity' is part of the function of a call that makes it 'classic' good manners in a situation like this.

I think the OP is of the 'email and text are for confirmation, not conversation' school which has a lot of merit.

The thing is, people who are prone to being selfish, thoughtless or rude do dare to let down and mess around people they speak to, even if they promise them something in actual spoken words. I have had a run of bad luck with several plumbers lately that demonstrates this . In fact, in retrospect I felt one of them hid behind the spoken conversation, as it enabled him to be vague and non-committal, in a way he couldn't have been if he'd been putting a time down in a text.

However, we may be partly at cross-purposes, because I would definitely see the exchange the OP is talking about - settling a time - as confirmation, not conversation, and hence suitable for text. I wouldn't be expecting to e.g. negotiate a price by text.

I do think some people deliberately behave more selfishly and rudely when 'shielded' by impersonal contact and deliberately maintain that shield for as long as possible to give themselves 'licence' to behave badly.

They try really hard to avoid personal contact, when they know they'd not be able able to get away with sustaining the behaviour, or, most likely and interestingly, would bottle in the face of normal social cues and find themselves acknowledging the other person's humanity and conforming to better standards.

That's why including a personal stage in making arrangements, before confirming, can help. A few people would be arses anyway but there's a significant minority who can only sustain their arsyness when operating impersonally, in their selfish / self-righteous virtual fantasy world, without the challenge of social cues and expectations.

My DH feels like you. His favourite saying is 'why don't people just ring, it's so much easier'.

I hate ringing people though. I would always text.

I hate talking on the phone. Im awkward and clumsy and speak without thinking things through. With text i can stop and breathe and think about my response. It works for me so i prefer text everytime. I dont understand the issues people have with texting. I'd rather not have to deal immediately with a stanger on my phone. I like to respond in my own time.

It seems from the information given that the OP conducted the initial negotiations by email - ie in writing. She then asked the buyers to give her a ring. If she made that request quite clear I think that for those buyers to ignore it and text instead is rude. On that basis alone OP YANBU.