Name changed for this.
I have a DD, 30 months. She has always been what would charitably be described as "high needs" but now she is just becoming unmanageable.
She has never slept through the night. On a good night, she might be up once and then provided she is given milk, she might go back to sleep. On a bad night, she can be up 3/4/5/6/7 times.
Last night, she woke up at 1am. I gave her some milk, which she drank. She then decided she wanted me to sleep in her room (for context - I never do this!). I told her I wasn't going to, because I was tired, and needed to go to bed. She then screamed/tantrummed from 1.30am - 3.30am. There was literally nothing I could do to placate her so after checking she didn't have a temperature, didn't have a wet/dirty nappy, and didn't need any more milk, I left her to it, checking regularly to make sure she was ok, and putting her back in her bed.
At 3.30am the neighbours banged on the wall 
I took her downstairs and she continued to scream hysterically, not sure why, but presumably because I wasn't sitting in her room with her. Eventually she calmed down and I took her back upstairs and put her in bed. She chatted to herself for a bit and then went to sleep.
This morning she woke up at 7am, miserable and cross. She then had a further tantrum of epic proportions, screaming and crying, refusing to get dressed.
In the end (after 45 minutes of trying to get her clothes on, her kicking, screaming and ripping them off) I had to go out to pick something up from the shops, so had to force her into the pushchair, in her pyjamas, sockless, shoeless and coatless. She screamed for a further 45 minutes. People were staring at us in the street.
I have been in tears twice today because I just can't cope with this any more. I have an older child too and it isn't fair on him, and I am failing at work because I am so tired I can't cope with that either. It is causing friction between me and DH.
She is supposed to have been referred to the behaviour clinic but no one has been in touch. I called them this morning and they said they would call me back - they haven't. I am so desperate and I don't know how I can get help.
AIBU?
To ask you what to do because I can't cope with DD any more?
Helpmydaughterisanightmare · 11/11/2013 13:41
Your DD sounds very like my DD3, who was DC4.
She had a big enough bed that I could fit into it and when she woke (every night) I just climbed in and got on with trying to sleep. At least when she threw tantrums in the day I knew it wasn't from being up screaming all night. And I didn't feel as tantrummy either if I was only up once..
She ate enough to keep a sparrow going and her diet was extremely limited. Absolutely no fruits or veg, and many things she refused to eat on grounds that they were bitter 
.
She was incredibly persistent and almost impossible to distract. Once I sent her to her room for a timeout when she was being a complete pita over something I wouldn't give her, and surprise-surprise, she fell asleep, but when she emerged an hour or two later, she came downstairs and said, 'So can I have it now?' Tantrums lasted hours. Even when taking her home from the hospital as a newborn she screeched all the way, only stopped when the car stopped, and she let out a big sob. I couldn't take her anywhere in the car for about 1.5 years without risking an accident from distraction by the terrible crying. She reduced entire supermarkets to silence as we queued for the checkouts, purple in the face from crying.
It turned out she had allergies, including severe hay fever, but also food allergies.
She is grand now, aged 15. She has lovely friends. She sings beautifully (all that screeching must have developed her vocal chords). Her persistence and single mindedness are assets as she progresses through school -- she never leaves homework on the long finger, never gives up on maths, always studies for tests. She is incredibly sensitive to tone of voice but euphemistic phrases sometimes go completely over her head, which is weird, and she often needs to have irony explained to her. She developed asthma but it's under control. The hay fever is pretty much controlled by Clarityn. She watches what she eats. She can't eat dairy at all. The only thing that bothers me (and her too) is her sleepwalking.
Her three older siblings all think the sun shines forth from her rear end and always have, even though one of her favourite things to do when she was little was to go up to the TV and turn it off while they were watching, or turn the volume way up and then run screaming to me in the kitchen... She is the life and soul of the party at home but is quite shy in school.
I second the advice to give only water when she wakes.
Don't worry about developing bad sleep habits. Sleep with her and get at least some sleep. It's better for both of you than none.
Be as loving as you can be. Try to find some quiet time together in the day and catch her being sweet.
Pick your battles over clothing and shoes. You could try giving her a choice between two perfectly acceptable outfits.
Give a little pep talk when you're going out, explaining where you are going, how long you'll be and how you want her to be -- ask for a handshake and a 'deal' and keep this lighthearted. Don't linger looking at things that are not on your list.
Make sure she has something to snack on when you're out, and a drink of water.
Give a five minute warning and then a two minute warning when transitioning from one activity to another. Use hand signals instead of verbal communication. It's harder to 'talk to the hand'.
Talk about feelings, acknowledge whatever it is that she may be feeling. Tell her it's ok to have feelings and ask if she could sign her feelings to you or talk about them. Signing is great because it isn't loud.
Use the kitchen timer to signal time to do something. It's harder to argue with a timer than you.
I would get a referral to an allergist rather than a behavioural expert.
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You poor thing (((hugs))) I feel for you. No/disturbed sleep is a killer (check tge time I know)
Goons go against tge majority here with the milk, get her one of those insulated non spill cups and leave it by her bed with milk evey night.
Could there be anything that's stopping her sleeping through? My dd has rhinitis which was diagnosed by accident. As soon as she started taking hers mess she slept through.
What does she say about waking in the night? Have you asked her tge next day? Does she have good language skills yet?
I agree re pick your battles, but also don't set yourself up for a fall. My ds (similar age) has just started sleeping through, but now dd has started waking again.
You need to get some sleep, work and driving say you have too! Do you get to bed earlier? Do you get lie ins at tge weekend?
It will pass, no really it will. It feels like zombie he'll right now, tge fig, tge headache will pass, soon she will be out all night or off to uni and then you can sleep. I know I plan too 
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