To refuse to host Xmas dinner for 16 when I will be 40wks pregnant?

[pinkjumper1]

I discovered today that all the in-laws were planning to come to us for Xmas dinner. DH is horrified that I said no. I had invited my dad, sister and her boyfriend (a chef!) as we will need someone to look after DCs if the baby is born that day but I don't think I'll be up to entertaining a huge crowd. Am I just being hormonal or is this not a good idea when I'll either have a newborn or be due to give birth? I do like hosting big Christmas dinners normally. Any other year...

[Beastofburden]

Well, book into a nice restaurant and tell them they are paying, and if you have to cancel on the day you are sure they will understand why....

[JenaiMorris]

My guess is that knowing OP's family are coming, the ILs are feeling left out - or at least OP's husband can't see the difference between her family coming to help and his family being hosted.

[MissStrawberry]

OP, they are clearly coming for the chef BF. You being pregnant is an inconvenience.

[Pinupgirl]

YADNBU op!!-I can easily believe that the inlaws don't see this as a problem-some people are selfish arses.

Some dh's clearly don't have a clue either-on the day I got out of hospital with dc3,dh decided we had to have a bbq He then spent hours building new bbq,leaving me to be responsible for our 3 dcs and brand new baby.

He then buggered off for hours to buy food for said bbq but not before shouting cheerily from the car that inlaws were coming round

I ended up running around entertaining inlaws,bil,sil and 2 dns-while they all sat on their arses,I was serving tea and biscuits-I was 5 days post section!!!!

I have never truly forgiven dh for it.

[pigletmania]

Yanbu tell them it's bring a dish day. Then sit and put your feet up. No bloody way, dh can book a restaurant then!

[JenaiMorris]

Did the ILs invite themselves, or did your dh invite them, OP?

[kiwimumof2boys]

Pinupgirl - thats terrible ! I had a similar experience when DS3 was 3 days old - in laws told us they were coming down (they live 4 hours away) and promptly turned up at 8am Saturday morning, empty handed and sat down while I faffed around making them coffee and morning tea. Then after I made DH get up, they left for an hour, saying they'd be back in an hour for lunch. "Oh good" I thought. "They're going shopping for food." er no, they'd been to visit a friend and arrived back again empty handed (Despite passing 2 supermarkets). Luckily we had food, but me and DH were rushing around making lunch and looking after 2 DC and a 3 day old, and again in laws just sat there, and then I cleared up (again no help) and when i suggested they take 2 older DS to park MIL rolled her eyes, and they got the pip when they came back and I was in bed. They then drove 4 hours home.
But, I think OP's situation is much worse !

[kiwimumof2boys]

Oh and FIL told DH's grandparents I was a 'little tired and tetchy' and 'couldn't believe' I was still in my PJ's. I was .

[CanucksoontobeinLondon]

OP, you are not being unreasonable. Stand fast.

As for KiwiMum, your in-laws sound positively murder-able. No jury would convict you!

[Ericaequites]

No is a complete sentence. With a new baby, you need calm.

[MalcolmTuckersMistress]

Jesus! Tell them to fuck off and that you're busy that day. How stupid must someone actually be to think that that could possibly be even slightly a good idea?

[bigbrick]

The guests must do all the shopping, cooking, clearing, all meals and all sorting out at your house. They sort our their beds, bring their bedding & towels or wash everything before going home. You will either be doing nothing or giving birth or already with a newborn. Make it clear that nothing will be ready for them or done. If you have your newborn in your arms you will need quiet and calm and time to recover.

[dyslexicdespot]

The OP has already said no, why should she retract her refusal?

The issue is that her husband is "horrified" because she refused. We should offer her advice on how to slice, dice and dress a grown man, and stuff him in a xmas hamper! I'm sure his family will be delighted.