To refuse to host Xmas dinner for 16 when I will be 40wks pregnant?

[pinkjumper1]

I discovered today that all the in-laws were planning to come to us for Xmas dinner. DH is horrified that I said no. I had invited my dad, sister and her boyfriend (a chef!) as we will need someone to look after DCs if the baby is born that day but I don't think I'll be up to entertaining a huge crowd. Am I just being hormonal or is this not a good idea when I'll either have a newborn or be due to give birth? I do like hosting big Christmas dinners normally. Any other year...

[johnworf]

At 40 weeks pregnant you should be sat with your feet up enjoying the last few minutes/hours/days of being pregnant not hosting a meal for 16 FFS.

YANBU!!

[Worried123456]

Has the OP come back?

I just cannot believe that not one of the 16 guests planning to come has not thought that the OP would be aghast at this idea? I am stunned by what possible justification the in laws and DH have for this being acceptable? Have any of them ever seen a heavily pregnant person before? I want to know who invited who? Is there a history of unrealistic expectations?

[whatever5]

I bet your DH invited them. I can't believe that they would invite themselves under the circumstances.
Considering you are the one who will be 40 weeks pregnant, you should choose who is there on Christmas day. Your DH should have no say in it this year.

[MrsMook]

I had a baby due 21st Dec so we had no idea if I woulf be pregnant, have a baby or be labouring. Our only plan was that our very local friends would bring Christmas Dinner round having cooked it at their house. By Christmas Day, baby was 6 days old having been born by EmCS. I struggled to sit for more than an hour before having to lie down. Sitting for Christmas dinner was energetic enough and the thoughts of stuffed turkeys was doing very strange things to my sense of humour.

A crowd of people? Cooking? No fluffing way!

YANBU

[bonkersLFDT20]

For me, it wouldn't be the actual meal that would be the problem, it would be the time and thought in the preparation.
I'm sure you're already making contingency plans for your other DCs in case you are not around for the days around Christmas or the day itself. The last thing you need is to have the worry of planning a meal for 16. SIXTEEN.
YANBU

[thebody]

speechless just speechless and that's rare for me.

no no no no no no no.

[bunchoffives]

The worst case scenario would be shop for 16, cook for 16, entertain 16 on Christmas day, clean up after 16, then on Christmas night go into a long labour already exhausted.

Absolute lunacy to even contemplate it.

[BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor]

OP, are you there? Have you buried his body under the patio yet?

[thegoosemama]

I'll be 39wks+2 on Christmas day and I am not lifting a finger unless it's to help my toddler unwrap and play with his Christmas gifts. My brother is visiting from the states with his wife and 2 daughters. he'll be staying with our other brother 50 miles away and they can all have Xmas there! We'll be having a quiet day with as little fuss as possible. Quite looking forward to it actually You are in no way being unreasonable.

[Cerisier]

I hope the OP is getting strength from this unanimous response.

[Lweji]

Tell them it's their decision, but you will sit it out.

[ems1910]

YANBU but I think this thread has already confirmed that!

As for the people asking why it is okay to have her family there but not his, really? Her dad, sister and her sister's boyfriend are nothing compared to 10 people from his side. It isn't a case of her family coming first, it is a case of OP coming first and being comfortable with her small family there. I would be comfortable with my mum but not MIL being around if I went into labour/was very early stages of feeding/bleeding etc. Surely this is normal?

Have you discussed this further with your H OP? I suggest you lock the doors this year, nobody in and nobody out (except you if you need to go give birth!.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

I'm 37w now and not hosting Christmas dinner nor indeed any houseguests.

YADBNU to get everyone else to wait on you!

[MistressDeeCee]

16 guests? & you, OP will be 40 weeks pregnant - or at least, have a newborn by then? Your DH is horrified that you said no? Ive glanced through the thread and am wondering..surely this isnt also a case of being expected to do the cooking & preparation too? Well..I hope someone has a word in his ear before then..I dont know how this can even be under consideration

[MummyPig24]

No way, you are definitely not bu!

I will be 30 weeks pregnant at Christmas, we don't host Christmas, instead we spend the day travelling and visiting. I'm refusing to do that this year. We aren't hosting anything, just having an open house drop in from 4 pm, after we have enjoyed a family Christmas, just the 4 of us.

Seriously, do whatever is easiest for you and your family, don't be pressured!

[pumpkinsweetie]

Yanbu, don't do it!! I did similar but with 4 extra guests with a 4 month old, was a disaster & i was left with all the washing up

[GaryBuseysTeeth]

If it was just his parents and you said no, I woukd say yabu as you're having your family around. 16 hiwevee YANBU.

I had ds1 a few days before christmas, pil, sil&bil were down on Christmas Day & they cooked. I had a rubbish birth and could barely remember my name let alone how to cook a turkey.

[ZillionChocolate]

YANBU

I'd imagine having that many people in your house is probably quite hard work, even if someone else is shopping/cleaning/clearing up.

[BoffinMum]

There's definitely a case for some twinges here, even while you announcing that 16 people is not an option.

(Hope the OP hasn't gone into labour early at the thought of all this!)

[jegandmany]

You know who I am! Of course that can't happen! I wonder whether dad sister and boyfriend need to be uninvited though? Seems fairer to me. Cd easily do Xmas dinner at dad's house? Then you cd either stay at home or even pop round for xmas dinner. DH m's forgotten the newborn stage completely hasn't he. You could then have everyone round for an hour only for mince pies later on if you want the whole hoard together. But you'd need to get dad tee'd up to chuck everyone out promptly.
If you need to outsource your assertiveness I am at your service. I have many years experience .

[sparkle12mar08]

Hell to the fucking NO! That would not be happening in my lifetime, I tell you! In all seriousness you need to sit down and have another chat with your dh - you have to hammer home very clearly just how ludicrous an idea this is. You have to make him, and them, understand.

[grimbletart]

I am just visualising the size of your 40-week abdomen, the weight of a turkey big enough to feed 16 and you trying to lift it out the oven......

What knobs.

Some people have no conception of empathy.

[LatteLady]

Err, well just on the practicalities how on earth are you meant to heft the bird in and out of the oven?