To refuse to host Xmas dinner for 16 when I will be 40wks pregnant?

[pinkjumper1]

I discovered today that all the in-laws were planning to come to us for Xmas dinner. DH is horrified that I said no. I had invited my dad, sister and her boyfriend (a chef!) as we will need someone to look after DCs if the baby is born that day but I don't think I'll be up to entertaining a huge crowd. Am I just being hormonal or is this not a good idea when I'll either have a newborn or be due to give birth? I do like hosting big Christmas dinners normally. Any other year...

[Scrounger]

How many in laws wanted to come over? Is it about 8 / 9? Why do they think this is a good idea? YANBU, I hope those you have invited are going to do all the work.

How did you find out?

[Varya]

YANBU and its their turn to do the hosting. Your darling baby might decide to be your best-ever Christmas gift and arrive when the guests are about to descend. Tell them now that someone else will have to host the family party this year. Emphatically NBU. XXX

[ipswichwitch]

Good lord no! I'm due 14th dec and have plans to do sod all Christmas Day, we're not even going out to inlaws - i have no desire to spend the day in someone else's house, listening to DHs family bickering while I have boobs out trying to establish bf. luckily for me, DH suggested staying at home just the 4 of us an he will be putting the M&S Christmas dinner in the oven.

He would never in a million years presume its ok to have a houseful at a time like that, and I'm astounded they all seem to think its acceptable to turn up expecting dinner too. If your DH has trouble understanding why, point him in the direction of this thread and we'll all be happy to tell him how unreasonable he is!

[pianodoodle]

Yes piano- you are welcome to come as well. Lets spend New Year's Eve sticking pins into a voodoo doll that looks like the OP's husband! What a poopstain

Fantastic!

I was a fortnight overdue last time - imagine expecting someone to stand around basting a turkey ffs! At that stage sticking pins in a doll would be much more therapeutic :)

[pianodoodle]

Yes piano- you are welcome to come as well. Lets spend New Year's Eve sticking pins into a voodoo doll that looks like the OP's husband! What a poopstain

Fantastic!

I was a fortnight overdue last time - imagine expecting someone to stand around basting a turkey ffs! At that stage sticking pins in a doll would be much more therapeutic :)

[Beastofburden]

Why can't your sis and her bf host Xmas and if you feel up,to it, you can go along?

[InLoveWithDavidTennant]

bloody hell! xmas dinner? for 16? whilst heavily pregnant?

and you dh doesnt understand how unreasonable that is?

[SomethingOnce]

The only way to make this acceptable is if the lot of them consider themselves the staff.

Would madam care for another roast potato?

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

I don't understand this at all. How can people be so stupid? Is there nobody in the mass of in-laws who has thought "hang on a minute, there's a strong chance pinkjumper will actually be giving birth/have a very new baby and if not will be hugely pregnant, why don't we make other arrangements this year?"

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Also, who the hell "plans" to go to someone's house for dinner? Don't you wait to be invited? Or at least ask them?

(actually have just answered my own question, my in-laws have form for this sort of thing. But I mean normal people).

[sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea]

I'm imagining pinkjumper sitting in front of a screen, DH next to her and saying 'Oh! Look. Another person who agrees with me. Yep! There's another. Wait, hang on they seem to be saying... they agree with me Hmmm, no one thinks the way you do, sweetie. Strange, no?'

[WahIzzit]

I reckon (like someone previously suggested), the inlaws must be expecting the chef bf to do the cooking. But inviting themselves round to OP's house in the first place the bloody cheek.

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

beastofburden because the OP wants her Dad, Sis & boyfriend to come to hers for Christmas, less faff, in her own house, more comfortable etc and if she goes into labour they're there for her older DC.

When men give birth, they can choose who they want to be around

[ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee]

I think Pink is in the garden digging up the patio. I would be.

[Donkeyok]

This is one of the Xmas when you don't have to do the in laws.
Every one should be at your beck and call.
I couldn't stand at all for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy.
Let your darling family cook and care for you the in laws can visit at New Year to met the new addition

[Sallystyle]

I tried to host a meal for 10 at 40 weeks pregnant with my fifth child.

Everyone told me not to but I was determined to do it, everyone said they would host so I can just relax. I have no idea why I was so argumentative about doing it. My husband said we should go elsewhere or he would do it all but I was nesting or something strange

I didn't get far, ended up feeling faint and everyone else did it while I just sat back and relaxed. Everyone all chipped in, it was fun.

I wanted everyone at mine as my labours are an hour long from start to finish so I felt safe having babysitters on hand. She wasn't born until the second week in Jan though.



YANBU. I got as far as washing some veg before my sweet swelled up and I felt faint.

[Topseyt]

You are not at all unreasonable. Dinner for 16 when you are probably struggling to even stand!!!

I remember the year I had my middle daughter on 6th December, meaning that she was almost three weeks old by Christmas Day. I was still good for nothing that Christmas, though we had to put on a show because my eldest was a toddler and very excited. My MIL and FIL came down to us for that day, and along with hubby they cooked the whole dinner (brought most of the food too) and washed up.

[AllThatGlistens]

YANBU!

Is your DH a complete tool? Or just completely not thought this through at all?

No no no no no, it's utter madness, put your foot down (or feet up!) eat and rest as much as poss.

[LegoCaltrops]

Point out that you can't wash up, check the oven, stir anything etc, without severe discomfort, so they will have to have someone at your beck & call the whole time. You're hormonal & tired so can't guarantee the quality or indeed, safety of the dinner (will the turkey be properly cooked?) What if you go into labour, someone will have to take you to hospital & take over dinner.

etc, etc, etc.

If all else fails, have some 'twinges' & come over all funny & decide you need a rest.

This is indeed the least unreasonable AIBU I've ever seen.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

OP - any update?

[enormouse]

YA definitely, emphatically NBU.
I'll be 36 weeks pregnant come Christmas and can't think of anything worse than cooking and entertaining for family, especially not 16 of them. And I'd be relatively, slightly less likely to give birth than you.
I've actually booked a restaurant for DP, DS and I to eat lunch together on the 23rd, going to friends on 24th, PIL on 25th and 26th and a neighbours on the 27th. I'd ordinarily host on the 26th but DPs mum suggested I didnt.

If I were you, I'd book a lovely hotel and meal for yourself, not too far away from your house, and leave your DH to entertain the masses.

[kiwimumof2boys]

OP ?

Oh dear, I hope she hasn't murdered her DH already !

[foreverondiet]

16 people is a lot, I entertain a lot and wouldn't agree to it, but if your DH is insistent, I would probably agree but send out an email to all the guests explaining that you don't aren't planning to lift a finger and so everyone who comes has a role to play.

Ie everyone has to bring a dish - you can dictate who brings what.
And everyone has to help - responsibility for each course / serve / wash up. This all has to be set out in advance and printed on a sign / sheet on the table, so everyone knows who is doing what. Explain in the email that anyone who can't bring food or help wash up etc isn't invited.

Then you do nothing.....

[Lilacroses]

Sorry, I've committed the terrible crime of not RTFT. But anyway....oh my god, YANBU!!!

[mynewpassion]

Why bother hosting anybody if you will be 40wks? I would've just skipped Christmas dinner altogether this year.