to think this is very disruptive??

[macdoodle]

I probably am being unreasonable and am prepared to hear it.
My DD1 has just started secondary school, she is in the "more able class" (this is what its called by the school ).
In this class, of about 20 odd, there is a boy with SN. He has an assistant for every lesson, and from what my DD tells me I guess he must have some form of autism.
But every single day, she is coming home with stories of what "X" has done. Thinks like having tantrum, which takes 20mins to calm down disrupting the lesson, shouting at the teacher, grabbing or hitting another child (and once a teacher), throwing all his books and stuff on the floor (numerous occasions), storming out of lessons etc etc.
Now the kids all seem to think this is hysterical (and great fun that almost every lesson is disrupted by "X"), but every day I am a bit , it just sounds very disruptive, and DD is starting to sound more annoyed than thinking its funny.
She does however say that is is clearly very bright indeed.
I know he has just as much right to be taught, but at the cost of disrupting a whole class of children? AIBU?? I can't quite decide TBH, and so far it doesnt appear to be affecting DD1's abilities, but we are only a term in.

[coldwinter]

Alexa, no it is not about complaining about the child. It is complaining about the way the school is handling the needs of the different children in the school.

If this was a class of 5 year olds, there would be plenty of time to see if things settled down. But it isn't, the children are expected to knuckle down and achieve. And at the moment the school is not meeting the needs of the children in this class.

[Bowlersarm]

Still agree with you OP. You should be concerned for your daughters education, and it shouldn't be derailed on a daily basis.

Year 7 doesn't matter too much, but the further up the school she goes, the more important it becomes.

[AlexaChelsea]

No. Hopefully most of the other children will realise that everyone is different, some people have more needs than others.

You should actually be pleased that by getting to know someone with SN, your DD will likely be learning a more tolerant attitude than most people here seem to have.

The fact that she doesn't have this tolerance, or that is it is diminishing, is worrying. I'd be a lot more bothered about that, tbh.

[ShoeWhore]

I certainly hope that there are things going on behind scenes, because its quite hard to explain to a 12yr old why some things are completely unacceptable for her, but to her appear are ok for others

Really? My 6yo seems perfectly able to grasp this concept and shows pretty good understanding and compassion towards the little boy with autism in his class.

I know quite a few (NT) children who are finding the transition to secondary school quite tough and stressful. It's not that surprising that this poor boy is taking some time to settle, is it?

[coldwinter]

Year 7 is actually important for making up for any inadequacies in learning in primary school.

[SauvignonBlanche]

Thank for your concern OP but I fail to see why you 'feel sorry for' my son?
He's a happy, well-adjusted, clever, handsome young man who is enjoying starting sixth form.
He's sitting at my feet playing on his x-box, I shan't pass on your sympathy if you don't mind.

[macdoodle]

Jumping, well of course I don't know that DD1 is telling the full story. Sadly I suspect it is even worse, because as a typical 12yr old girl, I dont always get more than a yes/no/fine, but I certainly hear a lot of stories about X, every day, almost every lesson from what I can tell. She certainly has no reason to make it up, and the story is exactly the same from her friend in the same class.
So what do I do, ignore it for now, for how long? For ever? Is mentioning it to the form teacher at the first parent- teacher meeting acceptable?

[AlexaChelsea]

Butt h school have obviously assessed his needs as best being fulfilled in the NT class?

So, what are you complaining about? That you think you know better because your 11yo DD is having some lesson time disrupted?

[5madthings]

www.mumsnet.com/campaigns/this-is-my-child

[BeaverAbroad]

If your DD is correct (and at Yr7, I see no reason why she wouldn't be) then I think YANBU, Both the other children and the boy are being failed. The boy in question obviously isn't being supported properly and he is being failed. I'm sure he's not getting much in the way of education if he is not being supported and is struggling to cope. The other children are equally as important as him, and they are being failed too. He grabbed a boy by his collar and threw him to the floor. The children in the class deserve to be able to go to school and be educated without that happening. The boy deserves to go to school, be educated and supported so that it doesn't get to the point where he feels so trapped, this is how he reacts. If he is being violent (which is the result of his SN) then he needs to be supported, supervised and helped (so that there are preventative measures, not just acting afterwards) to ensure EVERYONE can access their education, the whole class, including him. He isn't the problem, what appears to be a lack off support IS.

[roadwalker]

There are issues here about meeting all the childrens needs appropriately
The bit I love OP is where you said 'if my child were acting like that I would be addressing it' or words to that affect
My DD can act like that, she is brain damaged because her birth mother drank alcohol and injected heroin when she was pregnant
Please tell me how you would address it - I would love the advice

[Strumpetron]

So the OP's daughter should be thankful her class is being disrupted because she's getting to know someone with special needs. Oh eff education

I think thats quite patronising. I don't think the boy would benefit from this either.

I'm also worried about the boy and wonder if his parents know that he's being triggered so often in the classes.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

op

There probably are things going on behind the scenes. But the school doesn't have to tell you what they are.

You do sound genuinely concerned for all involved in fairness. Perhaps arrange a emerging to talk through your concerns with the class teacher? Being concerned is fine, demanding he be removed is not and you're not doing the latter.

It isn't ideal for your DD the lessons are being disrupted. But it's a whole lot less ideal for the boy and his parents. Perhaps he is desperately keen to be accepted but the whole high school experience has made it difficult to do so straight away.

Lots of children really struggle with the transition from primary to secondary school. It's a huge change.

[coldwinter]

Road - I agree. It is not necessarily possible always to do more than manage behaviour like that.

[CeliaFate]

A disrupted education on a daily basis, witnessing a child who is so distressed by his environment that he hits the teacher are not a prerequisite for a tolerant attitude.

You can be tolerant while still expecting to be taught at school without staff interrupting the lesson to physically restrain a child.

In fact I would argue that you would be MORE tolerant as both of your needs would be addressed if the boy wasn't in that class without enough support. Right now I expect a lot of them are really pissed off.

[gordyslovesheep]

I'd love to know where my dd1 is supposed to go then - she can be disruptive and gets upset when she is frustrated or afraid - she has ASD - she is in year 6 and currently working at a level 7 in maths and English

what is suitable for her I wonder

[Strumpetron]

No, her daughter has a low tolerance for classtime being disrupted and people being assaulted in front of her. There are severe failings on the school part if a classroom of 29 is expected to simply tolerate this and accept it as the norm.

I hope there is something going on behind the scenes because my sympathies are with the whole class.

[Pagwatch]

The OP is a Doctor.

[AlexaChelsea]

Ah, become more tolerant by hiding him away.

That sounds like a good idea.

So, I shall just tell the school that when my DS is 'being disruptive' to get take her out. So the other children don't get pissed off and less tolerant

[Strumpetron]

And it's patronising for the boy with Autism if his classmates see him as nothing more than something to be tolerated. What a sad state of affairs.

[coldwinter]

OP - I would talk to the teacher. Don't blame the boy, it is not his fault. But concentrate on the disruption to your child's learning e.g. less teaching time and major disruption in lessons.

[SauvignonBlanche]

Same place as my DS I think Gordy, kept away from all the 'normal' children.