To raise it with the school as my dd 5 is dancing to 'blurred lines' by robin thicke in her after school dance club?

[leolion]

Hi there, I would welcome your views on the above. Just found out that they have been practicing a dance to the above song at my dd's after school dance club (5 to 7 year olds). I am very very uncomfortable with this. I know the children will not understand the underlying message of the song, but I still find it wrong on so many levels.

I will likely upset a few people as the dance teacher is a mum at the school, and she is otherwise, a great and popular teacher. I know I could withdraw my dd from the dance class but it just seems wrong that this song is even playing in a primary school at all.

So am I being unreasonable to raise it with the head?

[thegoosemama]

no daughters no. wouldn't change my mind if I did though. If she was a child she wouldn't be listening to the song because I don't think it's appropriate for children. If she was an adult it would be none of my business. Yes it's just dirty talk to me. Nothing I haven't heard in a porno. Should it be in a song? No but I do think people are taking it a bit too seriously. The lyrics are obscene but I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist over it.

[AnaisHellWitch]

DD was involved in a situation (I posted in chat about it) regarding girls fighting amongst themselves about a boy who told his ex to "do one and swallow a bucket of cum"

She was more concerned that he subsequently told her to get out of his life.

WTAF?

[AnaisHellWitch]

itsn0tmeitsyou, great post

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

I know you want it is a commonly used justification for rape and sexual abuse, so forgive me for feeling both disgusted and triggered by it.

[itsn0tmeitsyou]

Everything is so normalised. Nothing is shocking, nothing is sacred, nothing is wrong. It all so, so wrong.

[itsn0tmeitsyou]

*it's

:) thanks but : ( so depressed !!

[thegoosemama]

I know you want it is also commonly used in talking dirty.

[manicinsomniac]

I heard the song for the first time today - in the school minibus on the way back from a school trip! I turned around to see if the kids had any reaction at all but they didn't. I agree with Samus analysis of the lyrics though. The rape argument sounds very plausible when you first hear but the way samu has laid out the lyrics and how they link shows that it's unlikely - plus, who would be stupid enough to write a rape apologist song?!

Pop music in general is so inappropriate though, it can be really tough to find suitable stuff to dance to (or listen to on the bus!). I stick to the musical theatre genre when kids will let me but that is far from always!

A few years ago on the way back from a trip I had a bus load of 9 year olds singing 'When we go up to bed, you're just no good, it's such a shame. I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you. And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over. It's not fair and I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean
Oh, you're suppose to care. But you never make me scream.'! Not ideal!

[imofftolisdoonvarna]

'I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two'.

Ooooh yes please, just what I've always wanted from a man

Actually women have sustained injuries from this sort of stuff in the innocent pornos that you refer to goosemama.

But hey, it's just harmless dirty talk innit.

[AnaisHellWitch]

In rape / domination role-playing perhaps.

Some people like that. That is okay.

But the definition of rape is unwanted sex.

Rape / domineering fantasies are just that. The woman is in control of the scene, the time, the appearance of the "rapist", the words said, because it is her fantasy.

Rape is the total opposite to that. It is a violation of body and mind.

[imofftolisdoonvarna]

Whether it is a 'song about rape' is pretty irrelevant really. It is degrading, demeAning, misogynistic shit with the catchiest tune that I just cannot bloody help singing along to argh!

[AnaisHellWitch]

It is bloody catchy. No need for the horrible lyrics at all!

[itsn0tmeitsyou]

it's interesting to read a defence, from goosemama (genuinely, not trying to be passive aggressive).

I consider myself to be pretty liberal, not pearl-clutchy about anything 'adult' (I can be about precious about my kids, I'll admit without shame), and I think that goosemama is trying to say it's basically pornography in song, and there's nothing wrong with dirty talk between consenting adults. I agree there's nothing wrong with dirty talk etc. per se.

However, this is a pop song. An extremely popular one. Even if we stop children hearing it, teenagers hear it. Young adults hear it. And it's just one extreme song among many that is changing young people's attitudes towards themselves and their gender roles radically. I think it's incredibly dangerous for young women, and men, to be constantly hearing/seeing the message that women are sex objects. They seem unable to differentiate in the way we can, I think because we (over 30s) grew up in a time where women's rights and men's responsibilities were very much on the map.

It's one spoke of a terrifying wheel, which includes access to porn from a young age, violent/graphic gaming, intense peer pressure through social media sites, bombardment by images depicting ideal (unhealthily thin) body shapes, the culture of celebrity and reality tv, the list goes on. None of this stuff (apart from models) was happening when most people on here were growing up.

[thegoosemama]

All valid points if the song was about rape. It's not. Why would anyone be stupid enough to actually write a song about rape? it would kill their career.
I don't know if "I know you want it" is used in rape fantasy dirty talk. its not something I've ever engaged in. I don't know if "I know you want it" is used in rape fantasy porno. I've never watched it. All I know is words only have as much power as you give them. And song lyrics are an excellent example of that. You're interpreting it as rape. This causes controversy. This sells the song.
I'm sure injuries are sustained in porn. They're sustained in sex so why wouldn't there be? The song, as well as being utterly dreadful, is overtly sexual and not suitable for children. This does not make it about rape. Anal or otherwise.

[AnaisHellWitch]

Fantastic post, itsn0tmeitsyou

I always thought that I could deal with feminist issues when I gave birth to my DD, because I assumed that progression would happen.

I was wrong. So wrong.

Drugs, sex, alcohol, been there done that, but I have a thirteen year old who thinks nothing is wrong that a boy called her a "whorebag" and is researching breast enlargement.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Thicke himself admitted he wants to push boundaries.

[Namechangesforthehardstuff]

manicinsomniac why didn't the responsible adult on the bus turn the song off? You get that that's your responsibility right? That that's basically safeguarding?

[AnaisHellWitch]

Pushing boundaries, my arse.

These ideas are already out there and have been for years.

He wanted to make money and cause controversy on the back of a deeply misogynist culture.

[imofftolisdoonvarna]

Let's not forget the delightful line 'baby can you breathe, I got this from Jamaica'

Ah yes, you can always loosen up a woman who is playing hard to get with some drugs.....

[johnworf]

Eugh. Hope she's not singing any lines from it I'd definitely be very unhappy if my 5yo was listening to this shite

[AnaisHellWitch]

Let's not forget the delightful line 'baby can you breathe, I got this from Jamaica'

Ah yes, you can always loosen up a woman who is playing hard to get with some drugs....

[thegoosemama]

ok the drugs thing is ridiculous. smoking weed goes hand in hand with the rap culture. It's as common and as socially acceptable as offering a girl a drink in a bar. Whether or not we agree or find it personally distasteful that's the world we live in.

[SirChenjin]

No, it's not the world 'we' live in - it's the world that some people live in. I don't want it to be a world that is normalised any more than I want a world where violent anal penetration, 'blurred lines', men assuming that a woman wants it, or anything else that Robin Dicke sings about in this mainstream pop song is.

[friday16]

Why would anyone be stupid enough to actually write a song about rape? it would kill their career.

Mick Jagger and his colleagues were on the telly on Saturday night. I gather they have popular beat combo who have enjoyed some success. "Brown Sugar" doesn't seem to have hurt their career much.

It's hardly the only song about rape to have sold in piles.

I'm assuming by "about" you mean "promoting", by the way. There's plenty of material by thinking, right-on writers which is about rape too: Sarah McLachlan ("Possession") and Juliana Hatfield ("Dame with a Rod") spring to mind, but I don't think songs like that are quite the same.

[thegoosemama]

I do believe the rape connotations in brown sugar are in reference to the slave trade. were slaves raped? yes they were. is Mick Jagger advocating raping slaves? no.
and smoking weed going hand in hand with rap music is not the world 'some' of us live in. That's the case across the board. Not even rap artists would try and deny that. I'm talking about rap music not your social circle.