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AIBU?

To call in sick?

111 replies

Nicknameinvalid · 03/10/2013 21:01

My dog died yesterday :(

He wasn't breathing quite right, there was nothing massive that we would see but he was off his food and panting a lot - we took him to the after hours vets and they couldn't find his heartbeat - they checked him over and he had fluid on the lungs.. We sat in the waiting room whilst they sedated him to see what the fluid was and his lungs were filled with blood.. They couldn't stop the bleeding and suspect he has a heart tumour that had ruptured.

I'm devastated.. I've spent most of the day in tears and trying to console the children.. He wasn't just a dog he was part of our family and having him put to sleep was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

I genuinely don't think I can face work tomorrow but am I going to look stupid for calling in sick to work over what most people may think is 'just a dog?'

:( he was only 7 and the house just feels so empty without him.

OP posts:

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DumSpiroSpero · 03/10/2013 21:35

Sorry you've l lost your dog so suddenly.

I wouldn't call in sick tbh. You will probably still be upset next week and when you tell colleagues what's happened it'll be obvious what that you fibbed about why you were off.

If you really can't face it tomorrow, and you won't totally drop others in it then by all means explain the situation and ask to take a day's unpaid leave.

Personally I'd be inclined to try and go in, but I'm very luck art both my manager and colleagues and I appreciate that not everyone is so fortunate.

fuzzpig · 03/10/2013 21:36

So sorry :(

I work in a customer facing role too, and I think you should go in - you may do better than you think and I'm sure some of your colleagues will understand. If you are there and really can't hold it together then maybe they will send you home?

CooCooCachoo · 03/10/2013 21:39

Had a team member come in day after death of dog, she was a wreck. I sent her home, she was no use to anyone in wrk and clearly needed a couple of days to get herself together. We agreed she'd take the first day as authorised absence and the second as annual leave.. Then it was the weekend.

AlyssB · 03/10/2013 21:47

Agree with CooCoo, a member of my staff list her cat and was devestated. She was no use at work, she got a day unpaid authorised absence and took two days holiday. Just ring your boss/hr and see if you can take it as annual leave. If you think they'll be sympathetic.

I am so sorry you have lost a beloved family member too.

Mumtoason · 03/10/2013 21:47

Yes, take the time off if you're not fit to go to work. It's sooo upsetting to lose a family pet.

If you don't have an understanding boss then throw a sicky and don't tell him/her the real reason! Have a duvet day with the kids and celebrate your dog.

CooCooCachoo · 03/10/2013 22:07

Sorry op, my post was all about practicalities and no sympathy. When my cat died, thought my world had ended....also very sorry that you've lost a beloved pet, nothing quite prepares you for the hole they leave.

Nicknameinvalid · 03/10/2013 22:15

Thank you to everyone who has contributed, I think both sides are valid - I think I might just be honest and tell them but go into work with a 'will do my best'.. If I stay at home I'm just going to get myself more upset and that's not going to help anything.

I am genuinely surprised at how upset I am, I'm not renowned for being particularly emotional and yet I opened the closet earlier to put a coat away and saw his lead hanging there and just burst into tears.. The same happened with the food bowl, the dog bed and even ridiculously when I was cooking dinner.. Something brushed past me (likely my sanity ) and I immediately said 'go to your bed dog' and then just went again..

OP posts:

ShatnersBassoon · 03/10/2013 22:20

Go in, tell them what's happened and tell them you might be teary and unsteady. They'll understand and being out of the house and distracted really could help you get through the day.

The worst that happens is you can't get through the day and you have to duck out, but at least you're being honest and giving it a go.

lellibobs · 03/10/2013 22:22

YANBU I am so sorry for your loss. you are grieving which is perfectly natural. Some of us love our dogs as part of our family. My dog is getting old and seems to be on tablets for everything, heart murmur , arthritis, incontinence etc. i really don't know what i will do when the inevitable happens but i know we will be very sad. I am so sorry.

Take time to grieve.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/10/2013 22:29

YABU. Work will be a good distraction.

kangarooshoes · 03/10/2013 22:32

I'm sorry for your loss, but I think you shouldn't be off sick for a dog. If you're genuinely unable to work, then you have to call in sick.

However, and maybe this isn't what you need now if you are in pieces and incapable, but for the future, could you try and develop some sort of coping strategies, because falling apart so much you can't work because of a pet does need dealt with, so it doesn't happen again. I may be unfeeling, but I've suffered a lot of loss (human mostly, and I'm afraid the pet loses are less!) and have had to find ways to cope, to get on with living life, which involves work.

Nicknameinvalid · 03/10/2013 22:44

Kangaroo - coping strategies? What would they be then? Not loving something enough to grieve when it dies?

He was a member of our family for 7 years, I have lost human people and I'm struggling to see how missing a member of my family who I watched die and being upset by it is a lack of coping strategy!

OP posts:

kangarooshoes · 03/10/2013 22:59

Being upset is normal.

Being so upset you are SICK is not normal. Not about a dog. It's not a member of your family, it's not a child, it's not your mum, it's not your best friend, it's not a miscarriage, it's a dog.

If you are so upset you're SICK (eg. psychologically unwell), then maybe you need some psychological coping strategies, because I don't think an animal death (unless, you know, it was some traumatic horror of a criminal butchering it in front of you or something) should cause you to be actually unwell. And that's what calling in sick is, it's not 'I'm sad', it's I'm physically or psychologically so unwell I am unable to carry out my work. If you are unwell, then sympathies, and sympathies for your loss, but I don't think being unwell with grief for a pet is normal. Your mum, yeah, a pet? No. It's sad, but life (and work) goes on.

I bet if your were self employed, you'd be in work tomorrow...

SomeTeaPlease · 04/10/2013 00:05

kangarooshoes it's not just a dog.

My dog is a beloved member of the family. When he got sick and the vet was unsure what was wrong, I cried myself to sleep more than once. I was sick with worry. I stayed up all night with him, dribbling water in his mouth and putting cool clothes on him in an effort to keep his fever down. (He's fine now, BTW.)

Nickname, you should go into work if you can. I find it's better to be distracted. Can you work away from customers for a few days?

Babyroobs · 04/10/2013 00:08

Of course it wouldn't be unreasonable to take the day off, like you say he was one of the family. I would be exatly the same if it was my dog. I'm so sorry for you all.

sleeton · 04/10/2013 00:11

Woah!

Bet you feel so much better, OP, now that kangarooshoes has explained to you what is and isn't 'normal'.

Before words completely fail me, I would like to add that I am so very sorry about the death of your dog and really do understand how devastated you must feel. You have indeed lost a member of your family. I am sorry.

Ghirly · 04/10/2013 00:15

So sorry for your loss.

I called in sick when my cat was killed. I was inconsolable and even cried on the phone to my boss.
Pets are part of the family so yanbu.

runningonwillpower · 04/10/2013 00:16

Kangarooshoes- I'm not sure the bereavement counselling course took.

DaleyBump · 04/10/2013 00:22

I think YABU but I would do it too. My dog was a member of our family, it still hurts and she died 16 months ago.

May09Bump · 04/10/2013 00:23

I curled up crying for a day when I had PTS my dog - felt sick with it. Take the day off, grieve - yep, not a person but still loved.

I wouldn't tell them it's about your dog - just your unwell. Just because I wouldn't want to talk about it when I returned - still raw.

Sorry for your loss, hope you get to remember the nicer moments together soon.

DaleyBump · 04/10/2013 00:23

kangarooshoes, it is normal. ODFOD.

DaleyBump · 04/10/2013 00:28

Nickname, I know what you mean about not realising you would be so upset. I didn't either. Neither did my dad. He hated our dog (because my dad can be a total twat) but when we had her PTS he found it really hard to cope. We were grieving in totally different ways - although I'm not one for crying (I didn't cry when my own papa died) I was absolutely desolate, but he found it easier to not look at her things. So when we god home from having her PTS, he immediately picked up all her things and put them in a black bin bag because "well she's not going to need them anymore, is she?" It seems really awful, but that was just the grief coming out.

Although I still don't forgive him for letting her die in the first place but that's another thread.

SeaSickSal · 04/10/2013 00:36

Sorry you've lost your dog, it must be awful.

But I would go in, somebody rang in sick for a dead dog at my work and eyebrows were raised.

If you do ring in don't tell them about the dog. Lie.

MidniteScribbler · 04/10/2013 00:50

It's not a member of your family, it's not a child, it's not your mum, it's not your best friend, it's not a miscarriage, it's a dog.

My old dog has been by my side through both of my parent's deaths, two grandmothers deaths, seven years of ivf, four miscarriages, my marriage, my divorce, the birth of my son. She's sat by my side for my years of study, sat in the front seat while I drove twenty hours to a new life interstate, has travelled with me to every state in this country to compete in my sport. She has slept by my side for fourteen years.

Just a dog? Go fuck yourself.

FunnyRunner · 04/10/2013 00:59

Kangaroo there was something really vile and insensitive about your post :( Grief isn't a competition. Patronising and unkind.

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