We have a 19 yr old away at Uni (2nd yr) who seems to be constantly asking for money. We have always insisted she worked part time from age 16, even though she wasn't keen ( I found her the first job through a friend) because we think its important for them to take some responsibility and earn some money of their own. When she went to Uni it took her three months to find a job because she didn't fancy doing this that or the other, and in the meantime we gave her an allowance to keep her afloat, as well as topping her rent up, in fact we had to cut the allowance in half to force her into getting a job, I am sure she would happily have carried on taking money from us indefinitely! She got a job which she fits in easily with Uni as they are only in lectures three days a week, and she earns a good wage from it, but because she likes to spend a lot on clothes/make up she is always asking us for top ups. Quite honestly, I am sick of the conflict, yes we can afford it, but if she budgeted properly she wouldn't need any extra ( we already pay £100 a month towards her rent as her loan doesn't cover it). It seems like all we are good for is money, she honestly can't understand why we expect her to budget and take care with her money, she thinks that as we can afford to give it to her we should! She can't grasp that we just want her to grow up and take responsibility and not keep expecting us to bail her out, and it's a constant source of tension. Anyone dealt with this issue?
AIBU?
To expect my 19 yr old to stand on her own two feet?
sooze41 · 23/09/2013 09:39
However, I'm also aware that students have very different ideas of 'normal' living standards these days, and rented houses now come with dishwashers and en suite bathrooms instead of being damp and grotty, so the rent she pays is probably much higher than I ever did
Too true! We are at the stage of going to University Open Days with DD and I have been surprised how much of the accomodation is en suite. My DNs have all started this year and wouldn't consider anything that wasn't en suite. 
In my first year we were expected to share a bedroom and the bathroom was shared by everyone on the corridor. The house we rented in the second year - well you certainly had to be creative to stay warm!
I must say I would feel hypocritical expecting DD to work part-time during term time given that my generation got maintenance grants. I honestly didn't know anybody who worked in term-time and I certainly didn't hand around with a rich, privileged crowds. That is just how it was in the 70s and early 80s. Same for DH.
Of course we worked in the summer holidays.
If I can afford to pay for DDs living expenses when she goes away (and I think I can) then I will do that rather than have her get a loan for them. Of course she will have to take out a loan for the tuition fees.
BUT - there will be a long conversation about budgets and making the money last.
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