To be sad about my three year old's constant requests for telly and the overwhelming tide of plastic and electronic crap? And WIBU

[Sockywockydoodah]

...to take all the annoying flashing stuff to the charity shop and start again?

Has anyone successfully done this?

Or weaned their toddler off constant requests for the telly?

Or got them to be interested in playing with their own toys (as opposed enthusiastically playing with friends' toys when round their houses, but ignoring their own)?

[dietcokeandwine]

sorry posted too soon!

To continue: no TV before lunch, ever, unless special circumstances (ie someone is ill). Oh and they only ever watch things on catchup/Iplayer/DVD, so no irritating trashy adverts to deal with.

I allow DS1 a half hour of DS time before school (but to be honest I'm thinking of stopping it as I don't think it does him any favours) and occasionally another half hour after school if time between clubs etc. Other than this, I have implemented a no computer game/playstation/IPad game ban during the week. Which works, to a point. But I have found that the four year old is an absolute horror, now, at the weekends: all he wants to do is go on the IPad, or his mini DS thing, and the tantrums when told no or told to turn it off are awful. Not sure what the answer is though. I don't really want to ban it completely - my eldest has AS, and I am acutely aware that his participation in games like Minecraft/Pokemon etc really give him opportunities to talk and interact with other kids at school. I don't want to isolate him, and to be fair he's usually not too bad about the limited imposed on screen time. It's the four year old who struggles. But how to manage screen time in an age appropriate way for children of very different ages is difficult.

[Kumiho]

We turned the TV off in September last year (DS was 3) because of the tantrums. It was barely noticed by him and he's never asked for it back. He watches a DVD sometimes on a Sunday, while the baby naps and if it's too wet to go to the park, but aside from that he doesn't even have much interest. Now he's at school he is welcome to watch whatever program the other kids are watching(within reason) but he hasn't asked or even figured out what's popular. I'll enjoy the peace while it lasts.

Just turn it off, say it's broken and leave it at that. One by one, throw/donate the crappy toys. They do revert back to a '1950s' child that plays with pegs, pots, pans and jigsaws, as terrible as some may find that.

[Beastofburden]

if you look at how professionals plan a day's play in a nursery you can be sure it isnt shiny plastic toys, iPads and telly. Its 1950s skills all the way.

[Sockywockydoodah]

It's less the actual telly at the moment as requests for endless videos of trains on youtube at the moment.

I should say in my defence that, recognising his obsession with screens when we are at home, we spend much of every day out of the house - in the woods, at soft play/stay and play and riding on/looking at real trains etc.

But I'd really like to enjoy being at home more as being out and about every day is very tiring.

I've done a big sort out of toys and now have a huge sack for donation and one for my sister. I've started reading some blogs on the reggio emilia approach to decide what sort of things to get for birthday and xmas. I need to rethink how I present the toys, I think (thank you for the suggestion to lay out the night before beastofburden).

[Lottapianos]

Very true beastofburden. I'm an Early Years SLT and I can tell you that '1950s' play skills are still as important as they ever were for communication development. Play skills and language skills go hand in hand and it's absolutely essential that children get opportunities for pretend play, role play, imaginative play, co-operative play with others.

It's interesting how many of the posters on this thread have noticed a negative effect on their child's behaviour from just a few weeks of daily screen time. When you're watching TV/on iPad/on DS/other screen, you are in total control - the images change rapidly, the sound effects are exciting and highly stimulating, it's all designed to be extremely entertaining. Real life is not like that As part of the parent workshops I run, I sometimes encourage parents to reduce their child's screen time for a week and see what happens - all the parents who have tried it have been shocked by the improvements in their child's behaviour and mood in such a short space of time.

I find that my own mood is negatively affected by loads of time in front of a screen - and I'm an adult, so not having to develop my attention and interaction skills from scratch. Screen time really doesn't do young children any favours. The official advice is no screen time at all for under 2s, because it's so damaging to their developing attention and listening skills, which is the foundation stone for all the play and language development that comes after.

[VisualiseAHorse]

I recently realised that I have the TV on all day. All day long. So the past couple of days, I've tuned in for the news in the morning, then I've stuck the iPod on instead.

I have noticed that LO (17 months) has been playing for longer with his toys, rather than 30 seconds, watch a bit of telly, 30 seconds of toy etc. He played happily with his tent and soft toys for 30 minutes this morning!

We don't have many flashy toys as a rule. He's got one lullaby machine which projects nice pictures and a torch for his tent. Everything else is books, bricks, trucks, cars, soft toys, buttons etc. I've always thought that things that flashy toys etc aren't very good for creativity etc.

[MillionPramMiles]

One thing we've found difficult is car journeys. We've managed to limit tv at home to 30mins of Postman Pat etc in the morning while we're getting ready for work and one episode of In the Night Garden at the end of day while getting bath ready etc. But dd (16 mths) screams and screams in the car seat.
We persevered for months with toys/singing/snacks etc and it just got worse. In the end we put PP/ITNG etc on the iPad and dd was finally smiling, clapping hands and happy.

After reading some of the posts above I now feel like an even greater failure as a parent and that dd's tantrums (that I previously thought were normal toddler behaviour) could instead be linked to using the iPad in the car :(

[Lottapianos]

Million, you certainly haven't failed as a parent. Part of being a parent is trying different things and doing your best, if it doesn't work, then you re-evaluate things. That's nothing at all to be ashamed of.

[Beastofburden]

lotta my DD is doing her NVQ level 3 in childcare and makes great use of my old Montessori Play and Learn book that people thought was old fashioned even when I used it back in the early 1990s on my own kids. Children love these activities- and they take a nice long time, ahem!

[Beastofburden]

and lotta you have brought back memories of my DD's early speech therapy, when she still wasnt sure about words representing things or ideas, as a concept. I remember making a cardboard village for her, because traditional dolls house stuff was on too small a scale, she couldnt see that it was meant to represent real life, so coldnt play with it. So we made this kind of half scale dolls house which was big enough for her to get the picture.

it was only by understanding that a toy table could represent the idea of "table" that she began to use the word "table" to do the same thing.

[ziggiestardust]

I can understand perhaps using your iPad to watch a film (with headphones) or something, perhaps if you're on a plane or a train and want to keep children quiet or something, but that'd be pretty rare. Plus I don't want my iPad littered with Peppa Pig and Cars 2 and goodness knows what else.

I'm not being mean. But my son is a toddler. He doesn't need to be entertained with video games yet. I have a friend who purchased indestructible cases for her Apple devices at £80+ a pop, so that her children could play with them. Fair enough, but if you need to pay that much to protect things from kids, it probably indicates it isn't made for them.

[Mumsyblouse]

reading some of the posts above I now feel like an even greater failure as a parent and that dd's tantrums (that I previously thought were normal toddler behaviour) could instead be linked to using the iPad in the car really I think this is very unlikely, lots of children hate car seats. I think obsessing over removing screens to that extent is a bit much and likely to be undone as soon as the children get old enough to get any freedom at all (like round at their friend's house, their own computer, at school). I would thank the lord for an iPad in this situation and limit elsewhere if you are concerned (I wouldn't be on the amount you mention but everyone has a different opinion on this).

[neontetra]

I do agree with much of what is said. We recently went to France for a week, and my dd, 17 months, had no tv whatsoever, whereas normally she gets Postman Pat in the morning, and often most of the Bedtime Hour. During the no telly week her speech came on enormously. Maybe coincidence - who knows? It has certainly given me pause for thought.
On the otherhand, TV does bring nice moments - the other day dh put some of an orchestral concert on - she loves classical music and often "dances" to it, but this time she started trying to copy the conductor!

[JimmyCorkhill]

MillionPramMiles - I remember my DD hating the car seat at that age. It does pass! I have found that story CDs and children's music CDs have been brilliant. It does mean that you rarely get to listen to the radio yourself but our car journeys are so peaceful. We have Victoria Wood reading traditional fairy tales, a compilation of Julia Donaldson stories & songs, and a Mog (Judith Kerr) CD. Music wise, if the song is peaceful so is my DD!

We told DD1 that the computer was broken today and she accepted it .

I like the idea of planning the next day's play. I think my DD just wants me to play with her yet I feel torn with her baby sister/housework/5 mins for myself...

[MillionPramMiles]

Am resigned to using the iPad in the car. We've tried lullaby/story cds and they've not helped one jot. I quite liked listening to them though!
I think dd is just a bit young yet for some of the stuff that would keep kids occupied in

We kept the tv off most of yesterday and this morning and dd was definitely better. She was a bit annoyed though when I put on the last 5 min of ITNG while I ran the bath and she realised she'd missed most of it....cue big frowny face at mum and much pointing to the remote control....

[Bakingtins]

We banned telly on school mornings, they are a hundred times better as a result. DS (6) is allowed half an hour when he gets in from school, either of whatever is on Cbeebies/CBBC or he can record stuff. At the weekends they are allowed to watch whilst we have a lie in. DS2 (3) can watch at the same times but is not v engaged by it.
Our IPad is password protected. They are both allowed to use the computer when we are supervising but not every day.
We have one TV, they will get one in their bedroom, or unrestricted access to their own console, when hell freezes over or they buy their own
Take back some control, set a limit you are happy with and then become completely impervious to whining. Let them be bored sometimes and find things to do with their heaps of stuff. We've tried to resist the noisy flashy stuff partially successfully (undermined by Granny) but all kids like other people's novel toys better than their own familiar ones, don't they?
Plans have recently been scuppered by DS being able to replace batteries on all the toys I'd quietly let run out .....

[friday16]

unrestricted access to their own console

My children are GCSE and A2 years. We do not, and have never, owned any sort of "games console". They are aesthetically, intellectually and morally ugly, and the claim that somehow you have to because otherwise your children will be excluded is virtually the sine qua non of lazy parenting. No games consoles, and although there's plenty of computers around, we've never bought a computer game either. I'm sceptical, to the point of laughter, at the claim that some games are "educational", too. No handheld games, either. People who are whining that their children are making too much use of this sort of shit, and complaining about how hard it is to limit it, are the authors of their own misfortune.

[Sockywockydoodah]

Don't hold back, Friday, tell us how you really feel :o.

Right, I did a huge clear out and reorganisation last night and put about 70% of the stuff we are keeping into a cupboard. I also tried to present the stuff we kept out nicely and he actually did play better with it this morning.

Only 1 hr of telly/screen yesterday, which is still too much but going in the right direction.

Million, don't be hard on yourself - I know exactly where you're coming from re car travel in particular.

[MillionPramMiles]

Thanks Socky. I might get dd a Nintendo when she's older too.
Just kidding Friday....

Interestingly I remember one time trying in vain to connect with m autistic niece using traditional toys, games etc. Then she picked up the iPad and started playing Angry Birds. I'd never seen it before and asked her to show me how to play. We then had a lovely hour together (with her laughing at my pathetic attempts to play).

[Lottapianos]

beastofburden, that's a lovely description of how play development supports language development. I hope your DD's SLT sessions were enjoyable and useful for you both

[Beastofburden]

Thanks lotta. Yes, she is now 19 and training in childcare herself. But aged 2 she had always been deaf and needed to start from scratch on what this language thing was all about..

[eggybrokenoff]

we had a similar prob a while ago. when we had just ds1 and dh didnt work early he would watch some tv in our bed in the morning. worked fine until the cbeebies schedule changed. we hadnt realised he was so stuck on watching the same programmes and then getting up. the day it changed he threw the most epic strop. since then morning tv is banned except for an hour on saturday (ds old enough to understand time rather than schedule now!) i have never really thought about this in much detail before but actually he is a grumpy bugger on a saturday sometimes and this is the only time he really has tv. i also do the toy rotation thing and it works really well. i would love a sort of approved list of what are useful toys and what is shit. i often wish i had gone for less better quality rather than lots of toys and would love to start again for ds2 but have too many hang ups about stuff being presents or expensive to bite the bullet and chuck the crap!!

[RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief]

Ds watched way too much tv between 2.0 and 2.9 as I just found mornings impossible trying to feed baby dd and get out of the house for work whilst exhausted from a broken night ( went back 3 mo after having her) Plus he woke up so early and we live in an apartment so tried to keep him quiet till 7am. Some days I'd realise he'd been watching Peppa for 2 hrs by 9am. In the summer we went home for a month and he watched virtually no TV. It broke the habit and now, just turned 3yrs, he doesn't ask. I have to say that his behaviour has improved significantly as has his imaginative play. Some of that is age but I'm sure some is due to less screen time.

Plastic toys I'm not bothered about. I think Playmobil and Duplo are great and he has loads of plastic cars. Electric toys are a pita as you never have any bloody batteries and they typically don't do much other than beep and flash. I notice ds actually likes his push along trains more than the electric ones because you can do more with them.

[Lottapianos]

'Plastic toys I'm not bothered about. I think Playmobil and Duplo are great and he has loads of plastic cars'

They are great! I think the OP meant techy-type electric toys which are often made of cheap plastic

Generally eggy, the more low-tech the better with toys. Toys where there is no right or wrong way to play, where you need someone to play with you to make the experience more fun, are a good idea. Depends on the child's age as well.

[Sockywockydoodah]

Yes, I meant the stuff like the fecking Bob the Builder electronic tat that's makes hideous noises when you push a button. Pointless, irritating and devoid of any merit. Definitely not things like Duplo.