To be sad about my three year old's constant requests for telly and the overwhelming tide of plastic and electronic crap? And WIBU

[Sockywockydoodah]

...to take all the annoying flashing stuff to the charity shop and start again?

Has anyone successfully done this?

Or weaned their toddler off constant requests for the telly?

Or got them to be interested in playing with their own toys (as opposed enthusiastically playing with friends' toys when round their houses, but ignoring their own)?

[JimmyCorkhill]

dogdays I think if the DVD kept your son safe then don't feel guilty at all.

Thanks fuzzpig. I like your idea of Mon-Thurs being tv free. Well done for doing it for so long. I'm going to check that book out too.

[dogdaysareover]

Million, I have just bought an in-car dvd player. I previously viewed these as instruments of satan, however when ds started escaping his car seat (he is 2) and I had exhausted story cds/singing/playing spot the tractor, i had to take desperate measures. I take many long jouerneys alone with him as my family are all a two hour drive away. Yesterday en route home from a weekend with gps, he sat an watched 'the gruffalo' on repeat. Did I feel guilty? Hell yes. Did ds attempt a death defying escape whilst I was doing 70 mph on the motorway? No. So, I consider it a parenting victory. Sometimes you have to just swallow your principles and let technology be your friend. Sometimes.

[fuzzpig]

BTW I brought home a book called 'remotely controlled' by Aric Sigman which is about the tv issue. Might be worth a look

[fuzzpig]

That's fantastic jimmy, well done!

If you keep going, it won't take long before they are all accustomed to it. We are in week 4 I think of no telly mon-thurs and neither ask anymore.

And as you've found, it may be that when they do watch something it is a much bigger contrast in behaviour, which acts as a great incentive to carry on.

[JimmyCorkhill]

We did it !!! Thanks for all the good luck messages.

It was surprisingly easy. I didn't really miss the tv at all. Nor did DD1. In fact, it took her till the evening of day 1 to ask about it. She did tend to ask everyday but we told her it was broken and she accepted it (probably because all our stuff tends to break - woe is me emoticon!)

Again, the laptop was not missed either. Apart from when I was at a pre school committee meeting and everyone had read the emailed policy which was being discussed except for me . Felt like I was at school without my homework!

I made sure I put an activity/toy on the rug each evening ready for the next day and this worked amazingly well. Old ignored toys got played with, like the car mat and the baby dolls.

DD1 seemed much calmer during the week. Mornings and bedtimes were less hassled and tantrums were fewer (sadly not eradicated!!) I really enjoyed not having the tv which is amazing because I am the worst offender in this house.

Like someone said upthread, I tended to play for 5-10 mins to start DD1 off then she was okay and I could do other things if necessary. But we also did much more together and she concentrated for much longer.

Unfortunately, DD2 barely slept so I felt like a zombie everyday. I had imagined extra hours appearing but I didn't really achieve much more. The house has not been spring cleaned but I did keep on top of the washing up!

I think the real test will come now. I'm basically an all or nothing person. I need to be able to have the tv on for a short time then say that's it and deal with the whinging. To be honest, DD1 is watching a Peppa DVD as I type this and I can feel myself getting ratty with her as she clambers over me/the sofa/leaps onto the floor. It's like a step back so I'm going to post this then switch it all off again.

Thanks OP, you've really made me think about how we live. Hope you have had some success too .

[MrsKoala]

Cheer Betty and Lotta. I don't really know what i would do with him without TV. I don't have it on all the time (anymore) and i know he loves being with people more and running around, but he wont play with any toys. Sometimes i just sit with him on my lap watching baby jake and singing and he sings and dances too. He seems to love it so i put it on for him. Of course we do other stuff, but after 4 hours of running from room to room and playing peebo - i really need to do something else and thought it would be better for his development too. At the moment i have a chest infection and bad period and the house needs a clean so to tv will be on probably more today than normal. I also live somewhere very rainy, don't drive and don't know anyone - so outings are limited.

[Vintageclock]

YANBU to find it all sad. I really hate all singing all dancing cheap plastic toys that children demand and then lose interest in after ten minutes. A few well loved well crafted toys would be the ideal but it doesn't seem to work like that these days.

Likewise with television. When I was a child there was only a couple of hours of programmes aimed at children every day and they were, in the main, pretty good quality - Blue Peter, Jackanory etc. Nowadays there's an endless supply of kids' programmes and while some of them are lovely there's an awful lot of crap in there as well.

Oh, to roll back the years .

[Feminine]

I followed an 'old fashioned' time table for my eldest. We didn't have a computer till he was 8.

That was it! by 10 he was fixing vintage macs and installing programs. Fixing x-boxes...old hi-fi equipment ( that he found in the street)

He was very drawn to it naturally

There is nothing "ugly" about it.

I agree that it is calmer and more pure during the early years, if we are able to limit tech.

[Ilovemyrabbits]

My dd watched telly from being born. It was the only thing that kept me sane when she was little. She never watched alone. I endured years of kiddy telly. Now she's 12 she watches next to nothing, shuns X Factor and Hollyoaks, unlike her school friends, and enjoys a good book and her music beyond all else. I understand the cries of 'why so much telly?' in this modern day and age, but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world.

And in terms of electronic and plastic crap I embraced it. Loved it. Pushed it on dd regularly with the knowledge that she'd be young for just a short time then I'd be worrying about short skirts and cheap alcohol. DD promptly turned into the kind of child who loved teddy bears (God I hate teddy bears) and never really bothered with toys at all much. She's not looking too fond of short skirts yet either, but I'm not counting my chickens.

Kids seem to find their own way despite regardless of what we do as parents. Admittedly, using the tv for babysitting duties is a bit of a worry, but age appropriate, suitable tv programmes don't do any harm in my experience.

[HometownUnicorn]

sticking to a routine helps avoid any tantrums
rather than limiting to a number minutes, my nearly 3yo's viewing is restricted to certain times of day ie before breakfast, and after her nap.

She knows not to expect TV at other times, and although she might ask for it from time to time, she knows what the answer will be.

When we turn the telly off, I do try to make an effort to engage her in play for 5-10mins, and then quietly disengage and MN all afternoon get some chores done

[Lottapianos]

MrsK, your 1 year old just won't be able to tune it out - his attention skills are not well-enough developed yet. Little children can only focus on one thing at a time, and having something else going on in the background is incredibly distracting for them.

The official advice is no screen time at all for under 2s because of the problems it can cause with attention and listening development, which is a really important part of later language development.

[BettyBottersBetterButter]

MrsK I think the problem usually starts with a sibling arrives and what goes from catching the odd Cbeebies programme to sitting for prolonged periods to keep them occupied whilst you tend to newborn. Also, in my experience (as mum of 2 and childminder to many), most children do seem to zone out when the tv is on and don't just dip in & out. They can then become fixated on it and that's usually when the behavioural problems people are talking about seem to occur. You may be lucky and have one of those DC who will carry on playing with the tv on in the background but most of us don't hence the need to regulate viewing time.

[BettyBottersBetterButter]

Good luck jimmy . We instigated some new rules last year after we felt our DC we're getting to fixated by screen time & it's worked really well.
No screen time before school. Ever.

Game playing (wii/ps3) once a week usually Saturday but can swop a day.

No screen time 2x a week - both days we are busy with clubs but they still used to squeeze in half an hour before bed whereas now they'll play lego or a game.

No free access to family laptop. Supervised & limited to half hour at a time each.

[MrsKoala]

This thread is really interesting. I have a 1yo and i have no problem with him watching tv. Is there a reason some of you are so bothered about screen time? Is it just behavioural issues? I grew up watching tv whenever i wanted, as did all my friends. I am thinking i may need to come up with a 'policy' in the future based on some reasoning. DH cannot function when the tv is on, which drives me mad as i have always used it as background noise and i wanted DS to grow up being used to it so he learned to zone things out like i can. If that makes sense.

[JimmyCorkhill]

Right, this is really it now . I'm off to bed. I will take the laptop to hide it and tell DD1 that DP has taken it to work. Duplo creative cakes box is on the rug for tomorrow morning.

DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 6 months so will be merrily oblivious to this experiment.

See you next week when I return as a better person..or a gibbering wreck!!

[Sockywockydoodah]

Good luck, Jimmy. Not sure if I'm brave enough to do that - how old did you say your DC were again?

Small result here - have agreed with DH that when we move (in the next few weeks, hopefully), we will no longer have a screen in the main family area. That's as much to stop us being on the computer all the time as it is to remove the constant temptation from DS.

[hillyhilly]

Good luck jimmy, I'll be interested to see how you get on with the restrictions applying to yourself as well as I know I would struggle with that and that there are times I let my 6 yr old play on an iPad so that I can do the same (though obviously I'm not playing I'm doing important stuff like Facebook, mumsnet, candy crush errrr!)

[fuzzpig]

Best of luck jimmy! Looking forward to reading (on a screen of course :o) how it pans out!

[JimmyCorkhill]

Well wish me luck! Screen free for a week. Hopefully I'll live to tell the tale .

[JCDenton]

There is definitely some truth to what geekgal is saying,I got into computers, which are now a huge part of my job from tweaking my parents' old PCs to run newer games without smoking from the vents!

Nobody here is going to stick kids in front of a computer and call it education but saying that all games are 'aesthetically, intellectually and morally ugly'? All kids are different and technology can have a place in that.

It is however the nature of entertainment today is that it's limitless, games can go online, the Internet has a billion episodes of cartoons on demand and of course you can record anything and kids will want to see it 'again, again, again'! As great as it is for an adult, it's so important to stop it becoming an obsession for kids.

[Squitten]

Our TV broke about 6mths ago so the screen ban was thrust upon us really. DH never liked the kids watching telly too much and I think I was becoming more and more reliant on it as a babysitter so that I could do other things. We decided not to replace it immediately and see what happened. We do have an iPad so can still stream movies and watch telly. We have no games consoles at all. My younger cousins (teens) are utterly addicted to theirs so I'm hoping to put that off for as long as possible!

DS1, who is 5, definitely loves his screens and can be a pest about them but it's much more of a negotiation now - yes, you can watch a cartoon before bed if you tidy up all the toys on the living room floor first. Since we've had no telly, he's developed a real interest in Lego and so will often want to do that instead of asking for the iPad. DS2 can take it or leave it really and we've noticed that his imaginative play has really flourished since the telly has been gone. DC3 is due shortly and I'm going to be very interested to see how they are with no screen time whatsoever until they're old enough for the iPad.

Electronic toys are a nuisance but I found them to be really popular at the 1-2yr phase where they just LOVE buttons, but then we could quietly put them away as they moved onto building, arts and crafts, etc. DS2 was a lot less interested in them as he only wanted to get into whatever his brother was doing!

We decided not to replace the telly at all now. My family think we're a step above becoming Amish but we really like it now. And no telly license to pay!

[JimmyCorkhill]

Well done Socky . That is exactly how I want next week to go! Love the idea of the nature items. We will have to collect some first but, hey, that's another activity sorted!

[Sockywockydoodah]

Good plan Jimmy.

Today, DS1 has had his first screen-free day since he was about 6 months old. I'm embarrassed but also proud of that.

We've had a good day - last night I put out blocks, some dolls and finger puppets, a tea set, some nature bits and bobs and a magnifying glass. We went to a session at the local children's centre and a run around the park.

Good stuff.

[JimmyCorkhill]

Hi fuzzpig .

Right, I have had a chat with my DP and for the whole of next week we are banning the tv!

There will also be NO laptop access for DD1 (DD2 is too little to play anyway although she likes to chew the power cable ).

I will be limited to 10 mins a day internet access to check emails/bank balance. DP is a software developer so has to be on a laptop all day BUT we will not go on the laptops in view of the children.

This is our cold turkey week but instead of a one off like last time I will be thinking of how to restrict screen time after the week is over.

I plan to put different toys/games out in the front room before I go to bed so that DD1 has something to occupy her when she gets up. I will also make more of an effort to go out/do something together in the afternoons when she's home from preschool.

I am hoping that without being attached to a screen myself, I will get niggly jobs (housework/dinner prep...) done and therefore will have the time to spend with the DDs instead of feeling pulled in lots of directions.

Feel free to join me!!!!!!!

[fuzzpig]

Re: the screen time thing. DCs haven't really watched much actual telly - aerial is unplugged a lot of the time. Exception was Milkshake on weekend mornings but we kicked that habit after getting sick of the adverts.

DVDs are our thing though so they still watch plenty. We have never allowed any screens before school so they have accepted that as the status quo, no big deal. This term though we agreed no DVDs Mon-Thurs and after the odd whinge there have been no problems. DD is much keener to read, we play board games most nights after dinner. It is lovely.
:)