to think that single parents are a race from another planet?

[wokeupwithasmile]

I am with my newborn all day and at 6pm (some most days even earlier) I start counting down the minutes until dh comes home. As soon as he is there I give him ds and take a break run and hide.

At weekends I let dh kill his back carrying the baby around and entertaining him. Not that I go to the hairdresser. In the meantime I clean, cook, do the laundry, buy whatever we need, and so on and so on.

Last night I had food poisoning. I was vomiting in the bathroom when ds woke up and dh went to cuddle him. I was shaking, vomiting, unable to stand, etc. It would have taken super powers for me to go and cuddle him then.

I LOVE my baby, but it is fricking hard and I need another person to help me do it! ...and I am not hoping that it gets better in a year or two...

I am in awe at single parents who do it all by themselves, it must be the hardest thing ever, no?

[wokeupwithasmile]

Reading all these comments has been really interesting.
I learned that what I mean as the recognition of someone's strength might not be taken as such, so I will measure my words in the future.
Personally, I do not think that many of the examples made actually mean 'Thank god it is not me', that would be awful. On the other hand, I do not think that what one person goes through can necessarily be faced by everyone. So yes, I admire other people's strength. Perhaps one day I will need to find out whether I have the same amount or not, but I do not agree with those who say 'well anyone in my position would have to do this'.

[Thepowerof3]

Just because someone has a DH/DP doesn't mean they necessarily do anything

[Zoe678]

I took it in the spirit it was meant! But I want to add that there are times (not the majority of times, but there are definitely times) when I feel 'how do married mothers cope? when I listen to my married friends strategizing about how they are going to negotiate some compromise, or reach compromise wrt décor tastes, or what car to buy, whose family to go to for Christmas .... parenting styles etc.. sometimes when I bought my son a pink buggy because he wanted one and all my married friends told me with a bit of sadness their husbands would have fainted but they knew their own son would like one too........... I feel glad at those times that i'm doing things on my own. I don't have to put forward my case all the time, ykwim?

[Thepowerof3]

I definitely see what you mean!

[stubbornstains]

Yes, I frequently feel sorry for some of my friends with partners.

[OneStepCloser]

When my exdp left me and my dd when she was a baby I realised how lonely you could be in a relationship, however lonely I got on my own I remembered you could be a damn sight lonlier with someone, if that makes sense

[TrueStory]

I'm a single parent.

Am I from a different planet? Possibly, sometimes. But some single parents gets lots of support, and some get absolutely zilch. I was closer to zilch i.e. no partner, no money, no friends (lol), but that was always something that was going to be a possibility, and I think women often do have a sense of that when they embark on this (though I also think they do not realise the full demands of the situation they are going to be getting into)

I do sometimes go a bit at the wives going beserk cos the husband comes home at 4 a.m. and they have to deal with the baby/child "on their own" for one morning/day!!!! I did it for 5 years 24/7.

But actually, I have to say, I loved being with my son when he was small - think baby, toddler. It was very peaceful, I was a stay-at-home-single-mum, and I really loved most of it, I found it very peaceful and loving (though it was hard too). I think it was much more preferable to a difficult marriage but I still think that having a loving partner would be the ideal. So, that's it really.

[teatimesthree]

Yes, I am also regularly grateful that I can do my own thing, and don't have to walk on eggshells around a grumpy/stubborn partner.

OP, no offence taken here. I'd much rather your OP than those that say "my husband's away for two weeks, it's SO hard being a single parent", completely ignoring the fact that THE hardest thing about being a single parent is being the sole earner/relying on benefits.

[FrameyMcFrame]

It's not that bad!!!

[ghostspirit]

teatimesthree i agree its hard being a single parent and i dont think it can be compared to a husband being away for a couple of weeks or maybe late home. although i do think it can still be hard.

i do find it hard being a single parent. i avoid relationships just to be sure im on my own because i like it that way just me and the children and no ont to answer to

[FrameyMcFrame]

Also, some people are better at parenting than others... Single parent have to be experts at putting others needs before their own.
Having tummy bug and vomiting thinking 'must hurry up!!! DS is crying'
Happened on many occasions

[Balaboosta]

I just became a single mother and tbh your post has slightly depressed me and made me anxious about what would happen if I got food poisoning ( but then I'm emetophobic so it's not difficult...)
I feel sorry for all those people posting about their dh's and dp's and how feckless, annoying, lazy, disappointing they are and I feel capable, free and liberated. So enough with this crap already.

[Samnella]

YANBU. My mum was a single parent for 20 years. I have the greatest respect for her and all other single parents. But also agree with the comments that you have to do it because what else would you do. My dad upped and left when I was 6 weeks old and my mum had 5 of us to care for. She said it was hard but she looked forward as that all she could do. If it happened to me I would do the same.

[IneedAyoniNickname]

When I was still part of a couple, I couldn't imagine being a lone parent. I didn't think I could ever cope on my own.

Then I became a single mum, and I realised that not only could I manage, but that in a lot of ways its easier. No more 'man child',.no more disagreeing about how to raise the dc. Although we still parent differently, the dc know that there are daddy rules at daddies house, and mummy rules here.

It can still be hard, I'm always the 'bad parent', the one who makes them do housework, and homework, and says "no I can't afford that". And when I'm ill it can be so hard, (sweating and shaking with cold from flu anyone?) Trying to make sure they are fed and clean etc etc when I can barely move. But last time I was ill, ds1 ordered me to bed, made me squash and crumpets, then phoned my mum and asked her for help. :)

[BakeOLiteGirl]

Thanks OP. I did appreciate reading this after the house cleanliness thread. I've been a single parent forever and work hard full time. I have a somewhat untidy tiny flat so the other thread made me feel shit and this made me feel a bit better.

[Boomba]

well, I am not going to down-play it. Being a single parent is hard and exhausting, and you can continue to blow my trumpet thanks

[notundermyfoof]

I think some people are being way too harsh on the op! I understand exactly what you mean, I was a single parent myself and it is really hard! Little things you don't even think about make it so difficult like realising you've run out of milk when dcs are in bed and finding things to do at the weekend when all your friends are having family time with their dhs. You don't know how strong you are until you have to be strong, you cope because you have to but a break would be very welcome!

[halfwayupthehill]

I am an sp with no support and thought the op was being nice. In the past when ppl irl have said, i don't know how you do it, i couldn't i have inwardly thought, maybe you couldn't. But now if ppl say, i don't know how you do it, i say badly.
What i can't stand is all the posters who say they are like an sp because their dp is useless or works long hours or something. That i find offensive. The dp must be doing something... Paying bills, or available to look after the kids so you can pop to the shops, or at the very least is likely to be around if you die. And if he really, truly is doing nothing, then ltb.

[wokeupwithasmile]

Ineed, sorry, I know it did not feel so at that time, but that is beautiful!

And yes, I am in a loving relationship and I hope it will continue to be so for a looong while, but the feeling of freedom I felt when I left a partner I just could not stand anymore was amazing. Obviously there were no children involved, so that is another story, but the 'good' sense of being alone, even lonely at times, is something that I still appreciate.

Well, it is past 5pm, so everyone!!

[wokeupwithasmile]

halfway, yes, I agree with you on everything! I suppose I have never thought about this because this is my first child and a year ago I had other things to think about!

[ziggiestardust]

I know what you meant OP.

It's hard not to voice these thoughts without someone feeling like you're coming across as patronising, but I understand what you're saying.

[Wallison]

Well, wokeupwithasmile I am going to take this thread in the spirit of which it was intended and say: "Thank you very much for the compliment". Even though I am not superwoman or anything remotely approaching that, but it's always nice when people think I am (as opposed to thinking that I'm a feckless unthinking fool who can't keep hold of her man/some desperate slattern who is always on the lookout for a daddy replacement etc - and yes there really are people out there like that, so it's nice to be bigged up). Cheers, OP!

[TiredDog]

Thank you OP. I will take your OP as intended.

Some days it is bloody hard

[youarewinning]

You do it because you have to

I'm always shocked at how people are surprised with all I do - I am no superwoman!

My DS having SN adds some stress but I wouldn't have him any other way.

[TiredDog]

(A crap marriage was far worse tbh)

:)