to think that single parents are a race from another planet?

[wokeupwithasmile]

I am with my newborn all day and at 6pm (some most days even earlier) I start counting down the minutes until dh comes home. As soon as he is there I give him ds and take a break run and hide.

At weekends I let dh kill his back carrying the baby around and entertaining him. Not that I go to the hairdresser. In the meantime I clean, cook, do the laundry, buy whatever we need, and so on and so on.

Last night I had food poisoning. I was vomiting in the bathroom when ds woke up and dh went to cuddle him. I was shaking, vomiting, unable to stand, etc. It would have taken super powers for me to go and cuddle him then.

I LOVE my baby, but it is fricking hard and I need another person to help me do it! ...and I am not hoping that it gets better in a year or two...

I am in awe at single parents who do it all by themselves, it must be the hardest thing ever, no?

[SlobAtHome]

I have no help from DS's father at all. DS doesn't know he is meant to have a dad. :(

[SlobAtHome]

YANBU

As a single parent, all you none single parents, taking offence on my behalf and tbh you sound daft. It was not patronising at all. Chill out.

God, must people be offended by everything?

[Rooners]

There are a lot of different set ups, I agree.

I don't know many single parents...but two I know have the children only half the week and are in constant contact with the other parent, it is a proper child sharing arrangement and STILL they are the people who take the maximum childcare from everyone else that they can get away with, and more.

I have no support from the other parent...ds sees his dad only once a month for a few hours. He is useless. My parents step in for medical appointments but I don't get nights out, don't have a social life. MN is my social life.

I kind of prefer it that way, and being seen as self sufficient - though I miss being involved with things I love like playing music and so on. I'd like to get back to that one day.

I hate, hate HATE the way that some people think 'Oh Rooney is a single mum, she will be available/want to do this/be able to have my child round' in a way that no one assumes with a married couple who have children.

It's like we don't qualify as a family at all - we aren't given that kind of privacy and respect, people assume we will be at a loose end and want to share days out and childcare. I don't - I like to do those things as a family with my children, we have plans, and I can look after them myself without pairing up with another parent.

[Fizzyfuzzy123]

Thank you but we just get on with it because we have to. I'm sure you would too if you were in the same position. X

[dirtyface]

you WOULD cope, somehow, you have to

actually i loved being a single parent, yet before i split with ex i was terrified of the prospect, thought i wouldnt cope at all

but yeah i loved it, just me and baby ds to sort out. no exdh messing the house up and irritating me

we did our own thing at our own schedule

plus my mum babysat if i ever wanted a night out, plus ex had him overnight one night a week

i also didn't go to work i was on full benefits which tbh made it easier, must be really hard if you are working

[Zoe678]

My xh made things harder not easier. Literally cant imagine doing it with a useful second hand!!

[rainbowfeet]

Op I didn't find your post offensive either & I take it as a compliment.

I have also been mum to a severely disabled dd who passed in 2008 so too have experienced the 'I don't know how you cope' type of comments & more so after her death... My answer was always.. You just do!! Because you have to.. I had my elder dd to look after. Doesn't mean there are not days that being a bereaved parent or a lone parent doesn't overwhelm me & it takes all my strength to get through that day.

I am glad I am thought of as strong but my close friends & family also have a knack of knowing when that's just a front & jump in with their support.

[wokeupwithasmile]

Baby asleep


Fitzgerald I am sorry things are not easy. And I understand what you say about not getting sick. Before ds I was getting sick only when I was on holiday/break. Clearly our bodies/minds can take much more than we realise.

SilverApple, no, 'I do not think I could do that' for me in various occasions means I do not think I could do that that well'. Obviously no one knows what a person goes through, but for me it is not equal to 'I would not do that'.

Dahlen Yes I agree with you and with all those who expressed your same point. It must be soul destroying to be with a partner who is not good. I'd rather know that I can only count on me than to have to deal with/take care of someone I don't want to. THANK GOODNESS for the right to divorce/leave one's partner!

Stubbornstain, yes, before becoming a mother I had no interest in other people's children. I have now become much more attuned to what people with children and in more difficult circumstances than mine have to go through. That is definitely something on my list. Sometimes I wish I could have an evening off, but I also realise that I have a really easy and good and happy life and I am grateful for it and understood I can do more for others.

Lurcio Not in South Devon I am afraid, but I will look out for lizards in my area

[OneStepCloser]

I didn't take offence, I bought my dd up alone for 13 years with no help, partner had gone and both of my parents had sadly died. I coped because I had too but I found it very lonely at times and hard sometimes.

But, and this is the big thing, dd, now 19, are so close, we went through some tough times together and we now have such a bond. Would I change it? No, hard but I'm so proud of the pair of us, we have amazing memories and I've raised a terrific girl.

I'm married now and have a young DS, I do love it when Dh comes in to take over, but I could do it again if needed.

[Meglet]

I don't really 'get on with it' these days. After 5yrs (no dad, 3 nights off in that time) my mental and physical health is shot to pieces. Every week I go to work ill and cross my fingers I can get through the day. There is even the possibility of moving nearer to my mum as I simply cannot cope anymore.

It's been a bad morning / month / year .

[OneStepCloser]

Meg let, my dear, if you were near me (London) I'd come and have a coffee, cake and moan with you

[Sparklysilversequins]

Well I am a single parent with two dc with autism.

When it's hard, I never would have thought anything could be this hard but quite often it's not and then it's amazing .

I know lots of people feel sorry for me and I have friends who try to help out sometimes but obviously they have their own lives so that's not a regular thing.

But OP, I for one thank you for your OP, I will take any recognition I can get .

[piratecat]

it is really hard at times yes. but you do it. you'd do it if you had too, i'm sure, because your child relies on you.

i know what you are saying op.

[Sparklysilversequins]

Nasty people on this thread, especially you fakebook, you know what the OP meant, no need for such an aggressive response.

[Mojavewonderer]

Every now and then I get to play single mum to my 3 children when my husband goes away on detachment for 4 - 6 months and it is bloody hard.

[wokeupwithasmile]

Slobathome I find it really sad. Not that useless/not present fathers are better than no father, but the way you wrote it is really touching.

Rooners what a bunch of idiots. How they can come up with that thinking is beyond me really.

Rainbowfeet I am SO sorry to hear that. Now that I have a son I can a little understand what that would mean, and for that reason I won't add meaningless words here. I am really sorry to hear that.

[picklebumplum]

I think everything in life is relative.

I have a dh who works very very long hours, I have no family support and noone I could call in a crisis to help me if he is not here, I have 2 very very difficult children to look after and most days I am severely sleep deprived, sometimes I do feel like I am a single parent with them.

However I know that every so often dh will get me a break and it will be alright, if I was a single parent I wouldn't get that so I am thankful for him (most of the time)

[burberryqueen]

actually after 14 years of it i am a gibbering wreck and have been in tears every day for the last 2 years with hassle from SS (like most single mothers in this provincial town) and judgement all round inc. my own 'ffamily'.
no parenting input from the exh he got married again and paid no attention or money for seven years.
at this point i just want to go back to London but my DC want to stay with their friends.
so i am counting the days til GCSEs are over.
can someone send me some flowers now please?

[rainbowfeet]

X

[Rooners]

I think they mean well sometimes (not all of them!)

Meglet - I don't know if you have already thought of this so forgive me, but it sounds like you could quite feasibly get signed off from work if you are finding it so hard to cope at the moment.

I hope you don't mind the suggestion. When I was ill a long time ago, I struggled and struggled and when the doctor said 'actually, don't go - I will sign you off' it was a revelation to me.

I am sorry you are so knackered. I understand a bit of that xxx

[wokeupwithasmile]

[OneStepCloser]

Burberryqueen hang on in there.

[wokeupwithasmile]

Meglet Rooners has a good point. There must be help for you!

[rainbowfeet]

Quite often on the lone parents page there is a tread along the lines of 'what did you achieve today' ... Some days I can put things like.. All the housework, proper cooked dinner, dd homework done, read to ds, went to the park etc... & other days maybe 'got dressed at 5pm & took kids to McDonalds for dinner'!!

They are funny & uplifting threads but I feel relevant for anyone parent or not!!!

[themaltesefalcon]

burberryqueen that's horrible about SS. Illegitimi non carborundum and all that.

OP, you were being nice, obviously. I am not a single parent. My mother was, and one of my siblings has severe SN. I don't feel I could do what she did. She was a sort of superwoman in my eyes. I get what you mean completely.