To have said no to this request RE: DD's birthday party?

[muminthecity]

DD is turning 8 next week. Money is very tight at the moment so we are having a party at home, on a shoestring budget. We live in a 2 bed flat so space is an issue as well. DD has invited 12 children from her class, I am expecting 8-10 to turn up.

One of the girls invited has a younger sister in the year below. DD knows her but isn't particularly friendly with her. Anyway, this girl's mother sent me a text in reply to the invitation saying "Hi, thanks for the invite, X is really excited about the party, but as the girls are too young to understand that they don't always get invited to the same parties, I can't possibly bring one without the other. Is it ok if I bring them both?"

I was a bit taken aback by this tbh, the girls are 6 and 7 so not babies and surely at that age they should be able to understand that they can't always go to the same things? Also, many of the other children invited have younger siblings who are not invited.

I replied to her saying "I'm so sorry but I just don't have the space to invite siblings." She then replied saying that her DD would not be attending as she would hate to upset her little sister. She also mentioned that both girls were "very disappointed" with a sad face at the end.

So, AIBU? Should I have just said yes and let them both come? I'm feeling guilty now that X has to miss out, but also think that it would be unfair to invite her sister but none of the other siblings. Not to mention the space/money issues!

[junkfoodaddict]

I think Midori may have insecurity issues!

She feels the need to invite the entire neighbourhood by the sounds of it and hire out 'the best' venue for a birthday party that in years to come, will hardly be remembered by her child, for what - acceptance? Is she hoping to gain friends by throwing money about as a cheap commodity? Get over yourself!

OP - Stick to your guns and remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. The girl's mother made the decision not to allow her daughter to attend - not you. And 6 & 7 is NOT too young to realise that they are different entities and do not have to be joined at the hip 24/7.

[kennyp]

at least she asked first (lots turn up around here with multiple siblings and plonk arses down and don't get the message) ... but no means no. tell her to fit in or fuck off. you're welcome .x

[avolt]

YANBU. I have a dd the same age - totally understands she can't be invited to everything. I think the mum had a shopping trip planned or something and was hoping to find free childcare for the younger one. What a cheek! Don't feel guilty.

[kali110]

No op wasnt rude midori. The mom was wrong, not by asking but for trying to emotionally blackmail the op. it was immature.
Not everyone is as well off as you midori, or atleast dont boast about it.

[guiltyconscience]

What a bitch don't feel bad she was trying it on.

[Taz1212]

Good grief, you can have perfectly nice parties in your own home! At that age DD was quite shy and didn't want to hire out someplace. She wanted her parties at home. So we'd have 8 or so little girls in, put a big "grass" picnic sheet on the living room floor to have an indoor picninc then played loads of games. Everyone loved them and DD was as happy as could be. Midori is being completely unreasonable, the OP is not.

[softlysoftly]

Actually I can imagine Midoriways party being a bit like the opening sequence to shameless, more about the pissed up parents than the birthday child.

[stopthebusiwanttogetoff]

My kids are 4 and 6 and are fully aware that they each get invited to different parties and rarely to the same one. I would NEVER question this! Am grateful they both seem to have made some pals, and that the parents choose to include them.

YADNBU

[Floggingmolly]

I can't see what's so exclusive about hiring the community garden anyway, midori, even if you did pay extra to keep the general riff raff out. What's a community garden anyway, is it like a park?
Do the council actually allow exclusive hire of parks, or did you simply post some likely lads with rottweilers at the entrance points? Most people can mooch in there any old time they please.

[Ragusa]

Midori, are you being sarcastic, or are you actually the inspiration for ?

[CeliaLytton]

YANBU. But I think that has been made clear.

And good for you that on your DDs birthday you are throwing a party that she would like with her friends and her interests in mind rather than, you know, a party that you would like to go to, you know, a selfish one

[CoolItKittens]

YADNBU and I love your response to Midori

[FiftyShadesofGreyMatter]

It's quite possible that these 2 girls understand perfectly that they can't go to everything together and that the mother is just trying it on to get free childcare for an afternoon!

[FatOwl]

I had a party for dd1 when she turned 5 (now 18 so I am going back a bit!)

I hired a party place and paid per head, for crafts, food, cupcakes, party bags etc.

We invited the whole class (she has an end sept birthday, so it was a new class)

One parent turned up with a much older sister (about 12ish) and a cousin about 8ish.

In my PFB first-time-I'd-thrown-a-party-like-this panic, I said yes and the party venue rustled up another craft and fortunatley has spare cupcakes.

These two much older kids are right at the front and in the main frame of the camera in every.single.photo I have of the party.
Pisses me of to this day. Have no idea why they would have wanted to come to a five year old's party anyway!

I know I need to let it go.!

First and last time I did a whole class party.

People are so rude!

[MammaTJ]

I have an 8 year old and a 7 year old. They learnt a long time ago that they do not both get invited to each others friends parties.

[exoticfruits]

I don't think that Midori's way is about the child at all. I would much prefer OP's way and I don't think it does the child any favours to think that they have to have what a sibling has. Mine were less than 2years apart and they got used, very early on, that one going to a party didn't mean the other went too.

[exoticfruits]

It makes you wonder if she has actually read the book if she thinks it good that 'they created some kind of lord of the flies experiment'- totally ignored by the adults. I spent my time making sure that they never had a situation like 'Lord of the Flies'.

[exoticfruits]

And even if it was twins I would only invite one if only one was a friend of my child. They don't have to come as a pair.

[Floggingmolly]

Yes, Swallows and Amazons might have been a slightly better comparison, exotic

[MissMooMoo]

YANBU! I dont have any kids myself but do work as a nanny and I know my employers do this!
one memory forever in my mind. 2 dc very close in age,one is nearly 3 and the other is 4. 3 yr old dc is invited to a nursery friends birthday party,its at a soft play centre but during halfterm. Birthday girl's mother is informed that dc would like to attend but nanny may have to bring older dc and was that okay,mum says yes fine.
To my horror the day arrived and my boss has taken the day off work and offers to drive us to the party,i'm thinking maybe he has somewhere else to go afterwards.....nope all 4 of us go into the party and the person at the front of softplay centre says the non invited dc is not on the list,boss says hes cleared it with the mother and walks straight in....we all stayed for the entire party and dad insisted that non invited child get a meal. I wanted to melt into the ground.

I have just arrived at work this am and older dc is telling me about a party she attended this past wknd,younger dc went along too! aged 6 and 4 now so they really should understand!!!

[WetGrass]

YANBU

(said as a mother of 4! I go out of my way to point out that you can invite 1 of my DC without the whole rabble gatecrashing!)

[Awomansworth]

As the mum of 5 year old twin sons I would never ask or assume the other could come if only one were invited to a party (hasn't happened as yet, but it will).

I would look forward to spending some time with the other one.

[takeaway2]

OMG YANBU. We just had a birthday party for my 3 year old and everyone didn't bring siblings. Bar one, who was very good friends with my older child and I invited that one to keep my older one company (and anyway we are all very good friends).

we have been to so many parties where the invite's only for one child; it's a good time to spend just quality time one to one!

[lottieandmia]

YANBU. Someone turned up to my dd's birthday party with extra sibling without even asking me first. Luckily I had enough food and had done some extra party bags so it was ok. But I did make a note in my head that the mother was rude. I think it is extremely bad manners to bring people to a party who were not invited. You put the host in an awkward position when they have been kind enough in the first place.