To have said no to this request RE: DD's birthday party?

[muminthecity]

DD is turning 8 next week. Money is very tight at the moment so we are having a party at home, on a shoestring budget. We live in a 2 bed flat so space is an issue as well. DD has invited 12 children from her class, I am expecting 8-10 to turn up.

One of the girls invited has a younger sister in the year below. DD knows her but isn't particularly friendly with her. Anyway, this girl's mother sent me a text in reply to the invitation saying "Hi, thanks for the invite, X is really excited about the party, but as the girls are too young to understand that they don't always get invited to the same parties, I can't possibly bring one without the other. Is it ok if I bring them both?"

I was a bit taken aback by this tbh, the girls are 6 and 7 so not babies and surely at that age they should be able to understand that they can't always go to the same things? Also, many of the other children invited have younger siblings who are not invited.

I replied to her saying "I'm so sorry but I just don't have the space to invite siblings." She then replied saying that her DD would not be attending as she would hate to upset her little sister. She also mentioned that both girls were "very disappointed" with a sad face at the end.

So, AIBU? Should I have just said yes and let them both come? I'm feeling guilty now that X has to miss out, but also think that it would be unfair to invite her sister but none of the other siblings. Not to mention the space/money issues!

[YoureAllABunchOfBastards]

YADNBU.

If a party is at our local soft play, a few parents bring older/younger children and send them off to play while the other one is at the party, then buy them lunch while party tea is on in the party room. The key here is, they pay for them! I have never done this as DSs are joined at the hip and would just follow each other, making it seem like an extra party guest.

We had a party at home, and when siblings came with parents at collection time I bunged them a few sweets leftover from party bags - they were more than grateful for that!

[squeaver]

LOVE BS's idea. Do it!!

[fuzzpig]

PMSL balloon that is genius.

[NoComet]

YANBU, I have asked for the other to be allowed to tag along to parties that are 10 plus miles from home in exchange for staying and helping instead of driving home or trying to waste two hours in a very small supermarket.

But I wouldn't ask for a small all the same age group house party.

[TheCrackFox]

Cheeky mare!

[fluffyraggies]

DD3 was friends with one of a pair of girl twins in her year at primary. The mother of the twins would always wrangle a way to get both twins to any event.

On the rare occasion you could interact with one of them as an individual, the girls were nice kids. In their pair they were sulky spoilt nightmares for some reason.

Upshot = neither of them were ever invited anywhere after they got to about 5 or 6 as it became ridiculous. I always thought their mother was doing them both a massive disservice.

[FrussoHathor]

Yadnbu.

[Jux]

This happened to us when dd was 4. One dad turned up with his (invited) daughter, but brought the younger sister too, and guilt tripped me in to having her as well. He then sat in on all the games to 'help' the younger child, and made sure she won everything. [anger]

I'm so glad all the prizes were crap! I never said yes to a sibling again.

[zatyaballerina]

yanbu, the poor girl has to lose out on a party now because of her silly mother. Siblings don't care about not being invited to the same parties unless the parents put that idea into their head and no child would want to miss one because little sis couldn't tag along. What a selfish woman for trying to guilt trip you and making her daughter lose out.

I would never give in to someone like that.

[NicknameIncomplete]

I reckon she just wanted to dump both children at yours and have the afternoon to herself. Cheeky cow.

[Floggingmolly]

The girl's are not too young to understand and neither is their mum
Tell her no, you would have to apply the same logic to all the guest's siblings and you're not prepared to triple or quadruple the number of attendees. Flaming cheek!

[2kidsintow]

I've had 'sibling rage' at one of my DD's parties before. At a play place, Mum of friend asked if she could bring the younger DD. I said she was welcome to pay for her to come and play, but I didn't have another invite spare. She said fine.

Then she proceeded to ignore her youngest and failed to keep her away from the party. This wouldn't have mattered in the free-for-all parts, like the disco bit, but when it came to counting heads for the food it mattered a great deal. My own neice was passed over and not given a dinner because the sibling turned up and was counted as a guest. I had to remind the party people that she wasn't a guest before that got fixed and I felt really cross about it. She wasn't invited the year after specifically to avoid such a thing happening again.

[hermioneweasley]

YANBU

My toddler understands that she isn't invited to the same parties as her older brother.

FFS

[youarewinning]

YADNBU.

What a cheeky mare!

She will have a shock when her eldest DD starts rebelling against her decisions and she'll realise she's putting a strain on the siblings relationship.

[SauvignonBlanche]

YANBU, what a rude woman!

[handcream]

This is very common. When the boys were smaller at birthday parties there was always a mother (and it does seem to be women!) Who turned up with the invited child and a hopeful looking sibling. One even asked if they could stay - but wouldn't expect a party bag!!!

[midoriway]

I can see i am in the minority here, but I subscribe to the "more is merrier" school of party invites, and so do explicitly invite siblings on the invite. Parents are also invited, and there is beer or wine for everyone. I throw the kind of parties I would like to go to, you know, nice ones. I had my 8 year old's party last week. We ended up with about 35 kids plus parents. It was a blast. probably total budget of 300 quid. BBQ dinner for everyone, plus the hire of a local community garden/woodland that we had all to ourselves. Kids ended up creating some kind of lord of the flies experiment, and mums and dad's happily ignoring it all having a chin wag and a drink. I am not rich, and I live in a in a one bedroom flat, but I like to have big parties and cut my cloth accordingly.

Parties are meant to be fun, so have some fun.

[Floggingmolly]

The main difference here, midori, is that you explicitly invited siblings; op did not. Her reasons are irrelevant, the other mum had a brass neck to try to bulldoze both her kids in to a party where she'd had an invitation for one of them. It's rude.

[BalloonSlayer]

Well the OP did say that money is very tight at the moment midoriway, so I am not sure I get where you are coming from with the recommendations for throwing a £300 extravaganza.

[WetDog]

*midorway8 - did you miss the bit where the OP said money was tight and they were on a shoestring budge?

She doesn't have £300 or the room to invite 35 kids and parents and she doesn't have a woodland to do it in! Sheesh.

[WetDog]

Apologies everyone else - that nasty, cruel comment from midoriway pissed me off so much I lost the ability to spell and bold

[QuintessentialShadows]

midori, are your parties like this : "how many elephants can you fit in a fridge"?

Or "How do you know how many elephants stampeded through the fridge?
You count the footprints in the pate, natch!"

You, show off you... With your 35 adults and 35 kids plus in a one bed flat for a bbq.....

[handcream]

And don't get me started on people who don't accept the invite, you chase them and they say yes and don't turn up and you are clearly paying per person and need to book in advance.