To have said no to this request RE: DD's birthday party?

[muminthecity]

DD is turning 8 next week. Money is very tight at the moment so we are having a party at home, on a shoestring budget. We live in a 2 bed flat so space is an issue as well. DD has invited 12 children from her class, I am expecting 8-10 to turn up.

One of the girls invited has a younger sister in the year below. DD knows her but isn't particularly friendly with her. Anyway, this girl's mother sent me a text in reply to the invitation saying "Hi, thanks for the invite, X is really excited about the party, but as the girls are too young to understand that they don't always get invited to the same parties, I can't possibly bring one without the other. Is it ok if I bring them both?"

I was a bit taken aback by this tbh, the girls are 6 and 7 so not babies and surely at that age they should be able to understand that they can't always go to the same things? Also, many of the other children invited have younger siblings who are not invited.

I replied to her saying "I'm so sorry but I just don't have the space to invite siblings." She then replied saying that her DD would not be attending as she would hate to upset her little sister. She also mentioned that both girls were "very disappointed" with a sad face at the end.

So, AIBU? Should I have just said yes and let them both come? I'm feeling guilty now that X has to miss out, but also think that it would be unfair to invite her sister but none of the other siblings. Not to mention the space/money issues!

[UC]

How ridiculous. Of her I mean. She is setting her children up for a lot of disappointment.

[lachrymavitis]

No, YANBU. I have twins and I do not expect them to be invited to the same parties (even though in the same class at school). It's a lesson they have to learn. You did the right thing.

[pigletmania]

Midori if op says yes to this woman tan she has to say yes to the others too, potentally having 24 Chidren in one small flat and incurring more costs to op. yes the mum is using her dd to blackmail op, instead of teaching her life's lessons, and that it's her sisters friends party not her friends etc. using her dd user to make op feel bad instead she has chosen her invited dd not to go making her miss out. How horrible is that!

[pigletmania]

How many Parties is this poor girl going to miss, so as not to upset her 6 year old sister who is old enough to understand that we don't go to every arty, op dd is her sisters friend not hers!

[DeWe]

Too young to understand. Ridiculous. I'm sure most dc of preschool age understand that. The only reason they won't understand is if she always does this.
I'm sure X is disappointed-she'd probably love to come to a party without her sister.

[DIYapprentice]

Flipping heck, Midori - I also have thrown parties where siblings and parents are invited - they are fun.

But I completely and utterly agree with the op here.

Sometimes you can't invite lots of people, and sometimes your DC don't WANT you to. This isn't about you, it's about THEM. At 8 they probably want a party with THEIR friends, not every person that vaguely knows them.

The ONLY time that I have specifically asked for DS2 to attend a party with DS1 was when the parent insisted that I stay with DS1, and I had no one to look after DS2 - if I couldn't bring DS2, then DS1 would not have been able to attend. I have at other times CHECKED - 'should I bring DS2 or shall I leave him at home with DH?', but that's because it seems to be the done thing at a lot of parties around here to bring younger siblings, and half the birthday children have younger siblings the age of DS2.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Midori - it is ridiculous to label the OP as a sour faced misery for comments that other people have made!!

When my dses were much younger than 8 and 7, they understood that they weren't going to get invited to parties just because their sibling was.

[shrinkingnora]

Midori - when you're really broke the budget can be as little as £10. I've had to do several for £20 including cake, food and decorations/pass the parcel. There's no way I could have hired anything for £15 an hour or fed more than 6 guests on a budget like that. I think people have different perceptions of broke. It's possible that the mother asking for an extra guest to come just does not realise how tight things are. But her excuse is ridiculous. There are going to be multiple occasions when her daughters will attend different events. I think the previous posters are getting irritated by that rather than the fact she asked at all.

[bishboschone]

She is a twat who indulges her children. Of course thy need to learn one can do something without the other..

[shrinkingnora]

In fact, midori, are you Jamie Oliver? He's very good at doo things on a budget too.

[CatAmongThePigeons]

Midori is hilarious. Good for you and your bitchyness at the OP. Congratulations.

Mum- the spoilt, demanding mother of the children in your OP deserves the message that Balloon Slayer made.

[JerseySpud]

YADNBU

I have been to two parties over the summer with DD1 and both times kids have stayed that have not been invited leaving to frazzled mothers.

I hate entitled people.

[SPBisResisting]

"I'm not charging an entrance fee either grin"

Ah well that's where you're going wrong - each guest should give a monetary gift equal to the cost of their plate. If they don't, feel free to sneer liberally.

When DD was 3 she was invited to a party without her big brother. After a lifetime of not being invited to his big school-friend parties it was heaven for her - she loved it :o

[Editededition]

You are not even faintly U, OP, and I am really glad you sent such a sensible reply.

I do feel sorry for the girl who is not now coming, but only because her mother is teaching her absolutely nothing about real life.
Makes you wonder if this is how all those ''entitled' people start out in life.

[crazycanuck]

I'd put money on midori being the other mum.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

op yanbu the other mum is an grabby twat.
midori you really are coming across as quite unpleasant.

[Acepuppets]

Well this was the perfect opportunity for her daughters to learn that they can't go to parties together all of the time.

[dottyaboutstripes]

Yanbu
This happened to me but AT the party and I could kick myself for saying it was ok. I was fuming!

[HappyMummyOfOne]

YANBU, what a cheeky mare! I cant believe the cheek of some people although i suspect many turn up at parties with siblings and hope they can stay.

I invite close friends siblings if DS knows them otherwise not, its down to the parents to drop the invited child off and then look after their other children. The lat couple of parties have had a height restriction so no little siblings could be invited in line with the rules of the venue.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Good for you, OP.

I suppose we should be glad that cheeky mother asked first, rather than dumping the sister and legging it. That has significant precedent.

Extra siblings at eg softplay, where you can buy a separate meal and pay entrance etc etc are quite different from at-home parties where the host has to provide everything. I'm starting to enjoy the freedom of parties where DS(5) can be left, but still around 50% of parents stay.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Oh and DS(2) understands very unwillingly that there are some things his big brother can go to that he can't.

[homeagain]

YANBU

[HoneyDragon]

There is a huge difference in being a bit cheeky and asking to impose upon someone's hospitality and emotionally blackmailing someone into doing something.

The woman in question has not asked. She has threatened. And is therefore cheeky, and not nice to the op or her children.

Do you think when her eldest has to go on a residential with school at £200 a pop, she'll be in the school office demanding to pay £400 so her youngest can attend, to prevent her being upset?

[zipzap]

I would prime your dd about what has happened and work out something for her to say if the girl says about 'you' not letting her go to the party - something like 'no, you're allowed to come, you're still invited. It's your mum that said you couldn't come because there wasn't space for your little sis. It would be nice for you to come without her though - I can't imagine having to go to every party my sibs go to - can't you just ask your mum if you can come by yourself?'

The girl might not even know why she can't go to the party or realise that it's not normal to go without a sibling if her mum always makes them go together.

[Worriedkat]

I wouldn't think that the siblings have a clue what their mother has been trying on. The story about them getting upset if only one attends a party is probably just a smokescreen (lie) to try and get a couple of child free hours. I wouldn't be surprised you get a later text agreeing to just the one child attending after all.