To wonder how having two kids is easier than one?

[superstarheartbreaker]

My friends tell me that two children is easier than one because they play together. I only have one and I find it really hard work. I do want another in the future but worry I won't cope.
It sounds a lot harder logistically and financially.I think it is lovely to have more than one but then I love the lifestyle I have with one. I am in no position to procreate anyway atm as am single and this is purely hypothetical. Thought I posted this thread earlier but I lost it!

[Peetle]

We have twins which was a nightmare to begin with, though at least there was no debate about whose turn it was to get up in the night; we both did. Now they're 6 they can entertain themselves, although we are often required to referee, break up fights and deal with a perpetual competition for attention. Also, being both girls, they do have similar needs and desires; we're not juggling school and nursery drop-offs, etc. As they get older I'm increasingly convinced there's a big advantage in having twins, even though it was hard work to begin with.

If we ever have just one of them for some reason, they are completely angelic, though I think this is because the competition has been removed.

I agree on the endless talking. It only stops when they're asleep.

But the idea of having a third is simply laughable.

[MyHuckleberryFriend]

This is an interesting thread. I have a 2.5 year age gap between my two DDs. Initially I thought it was much harder than having just one, and longed for the days when DD1 was a newborn and I could just breastfeed and snuggle on the sofa, without having a toddler to entertain too. (Never thought I'd hear myself say that as I found the early days with DD1 really difficult!). However, now the youngest is nearly a year, I've found it easier as she is quite entertained by her elder sister. Also it helps that DD1 is very close to her Dad, so he spent a lot of time with her when DD2 was born which meant I didn't feel so guilty about the lack of attention she got.

Those of you with two children who are a bit older now, did you find there was an age when they were particularly difficult, lots of fighting etc? I'm wondering if the worst is yet to come......

[LittleAbruzzenBear]

I have two boys with a four year age gap (it took longer than planned). I find it hard, being honest here, in terms of housework and just going out for the day. However, when I see them cuddle each other and play together it makes it worthwhile. Yes, there will be fights at some point I'm sure (they are 1 and 5 at the mo), but they have each other.

Do what is right for you though. No right or wrong way here. What does your heart tell you?

[KatyPutTheCuttleOn]

No. You need all the diplomacy of the UN peacekeepers at times, and then some. Occasionally it is massively rewarding.

[alittlebitcountry]

It depends on so many variables you just can't be so black and white.
Today I'm juggling 2.6 DD and 5 week DS. It's early day's, but feels like 100 times more work.

[thebody]

much easier I think and fun. my 4 are now 23 and 22 and 14 and 13 so close together pairs with a big age gap inbetween.

the pairs played together and the older ones helped.

can't imagine focusing on 1.

[thebody]

disclaimer... you do forget the lack of sleep as they get older though //😃

[Mandy21]

Haven't read all the replies, but I have twins so never knew life with just 1 child so can't really compare. All I can say is that when I do have 1, it is so much easier.

I don't think the logistics of having 2 is much more difficult - OK, there are 2 of everything to sort - washing, food, bathtime, bag for nursery etc etc - all of that is time consuming and physically hard work but I'm sure most people would expect that when having a 2nd child.

The 2 things that are INCREDIBLY HARD in my view are :

1. The juggling - pulled in 2 directions - you want to spend time reading to A but B needs their bottom wiping, or B needs help with his homework and A has trapped her hand in the door. B needs to be at football by 5.30pm, A needs to be at dancing at 5.45pm 5 miles down the road. With twins, at least they're the same age, if they're the same sex, even better from a logistical point of view, but with different ages and different interests etc, thats quite hard.
   

1. The bickering / refereeing - Oh my god - it is just emotionally exhausting with the "he took my pen", "I had the toothpaste first", "he sat in the seat behind daddy last time, its my turn". I can now sometimes tune it out (my twins are 8 and I keep explaining they are old enough to sort it out themselves) but thats the hardest thing in my view about having more than 1.
   

But having said that, the giggling, seeing them play together, going upstairs to find they've got in the same bed, the shared secrets / experiences, the companion they'll have through life are all priceless in my view. Its definitely a decision not to be taken lightly, if you only want one and fear how you'll cope, it might not be wise to have another because it is overwhelming some days. But there again, at least you'd be going into it being realistic about how hard it will be. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Mandy21]

And having said all that, I went and had a 3rd just what in hell were we thinking

[Gruffalump]

I have two, fourteen months apart, eldest under three. It is HARD!!!

Just having one is so easy, not looking forward to my youngest dropping her nap!

[MinimalistMommi]

It's really hard and exhausting, two lots of needs/wants. Feeling guilty when you pay attention to one and not the other. When they play it is lovely but when they fight its horrible. Twice the noise also.
But I wouldn't be with out them and I love that they have a sibling to love/hate/get annoyed at.
It is hard work though. When I do have one child if the other has gone out, it's a breeze, especially if its my older daughter

[Zoe900]

do anybody else's two children both try to tell you something at the same time and it becomes a show of who you love, who you listen to! and if you silence them both, and suggest that one talks first while the other waits, the waiter wails with indignence, that is proof you love the other one more, just as they always suspected! arghghghghghgh

[MinimalistMommi]

Absolutely Zoe

[Taffeta]

Impossible to say as so much depends on the children themselves. I have a 9 yo DS and a 7 yo DD eh could not be more different. They like different food, different activities, different films etc etc.

But when they get on it is a dream. But then the juggling with football, tennis, horse riding etc means we had to get 2 cars.

I wouldn't say one is easier. But there is less juggling and refereeing.

[Tournesol]

I have three and in one sense do find it way easier than just having one. When I just had one I was really bored and struggled to structure my day and this made me feel pretty low.

Once I had another I was more busy and add the third and I am so busy running around after them I have much less time to get bored and mope about.

Mine are 5, 3 and 1 and they do play really nicely together most of the time and keep each other company, it is lovely to watch!

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

I shouldn't have read this thread, given it's a couple of months until DC2 arrives - there'll be a 25 month age gap.

It doesn't help that my DM had my twin brothers when I was 2(!), so anything I have to do is easy by comparison!

DD starts nursery 4 mornings in a couple of weeks, so hoping that will help somehow... Fingers crossed!

[PoopMaster]

I'm finding it hard work, I think a helpful DP really helps...however eldest (2yo) is learning (without too much trauma) to wait for me to finish with her 9 wo baby sister before I see to her...so I think it is helping a bit already with toning down the whole me me me toddler phase she says naively before said phase kicks in properly

[Jergens]

Mine are exactly two years apart. It's harder with two, but wonderful. Seeing them interact, laugh and smile at each other is the best thing ever!

[Emily1974]

Depends on their age? Undoubtedly they are more difficult before they are at the age when they can play together and more independant. Things only started to become easier for me when the younger one was 2.5 yrs old. Now they are "easy" in terms of entertainment as they are close age gap too. However, some of the practical things require twice as much work/time like homework, reading, getting them ready for school (they talk and play too much), bags carrying, making different food in their lunch boxes, obviously more clothes to go through and washing etc. Luckily mine get along really well so there is not as much fight as some of the siblings I've seen.

[becscertainstar]

I only have one. It's easier, definitely. You adjust to whatever life throws at you, so all my friends with two or more just keep going, and I see them refereeing, washing, cooking, juggling playdates and parties and lifts to activities, paying two lots of childcare, needing bigger houses and bigger cars etc. They tell me it's easier with two and I think 'I see what your life is like and you have no idea how easy my daily life is compared to yours, and I shall never tell you.'

[BettyandDon]

The second baby is easier than the first as you have experience, but no, 2 is not easier overall.

I think 'playing together' is a bit of an urban myth to be honest. I think a child needs to be at least 2 or 3 yrs old before they have the ability to play properly with a sibling. Steal things and smash up the eldest toys yes, but have the patience to share and take turns, absolutely no way!

[ringaringarosy]

well my oldest is 5 and she has 4 younger siblings!she seems to think its very fair and wants me to have another one!

its easier and harder,just like everything with kids really.

less one on one time,for sure,but that is a modern thing really isnt it?when i was a kid i didnt wantto play with my mum,i wanted brothers and sisters to play with!

Also your either the kind of mum who wants to spend time with your kids or your not!my mum only had 2 9 yrs apart and she never did anything with us,i have 5 and we have lots of fun!

[ringaringarosy]

plus i imagine its harder the bigger the gap,theres never been jealosy with mine as none of them can remember being an only child,they are used to sharing and having to wait etc,plus they are more independant than most kids i know.

Tbh theres lots of only children where we live and they are a bit erm bratty?sorry cant think of a nicer word,i guess it depends how much family they have,but thats the word that springs to mind and i tend to invite the mums over with bigger families like mine as its just nicer and the kids tend to get on with things.

[MadameJosephine]

I find it's easier if you leave 16 years in between babies then the older one can babysit!

[magentastardust]

I found going from 1 to 2 easier as in that you knew what your were doing so didn't panic and fret as much about sleeping, teething weening etc as everything wasn't so baffling 2nd time around and you just got on with it.
However I all off a sudden found my amount of housework needed to keep on top of things seemed to just go through the roof. So it was definitely harder financially, on time we had as a couple , on having time for both dc's and the amount of toys and paraphanalia left around the house in a mess seemed to multiply x 15!
There are 3 years between my ds and dd though and they have never ever fought -they get on so well -which makes things a lot easier.
However we now have a third , who is wonderful and so much fun but so active and full on and now I really feel exhausted! (Plus she bickers with dd1 ) -It is hard work giving everyone attention and sometime you and dh can get lost in it all for a bit but it is only a short time that they are tiny.