aibu to be sick of seeing bfing vs ffeeding debates?

[ImNotABarbieGirl]

That's it really. I've just turned the tv on and AGAIN...there it is! It just infuriates me.

I still bfeed dd (22 months) I already live with friends and family making me feel uncomfetable, ignoreing little funny jokes/comments about it. I really do not need to turn the television on and hear some woman spouting how its disgusting etc on national television.

It annoys me moreso (sp?) That it is never a fair debate. It is always two extremest type people who just want to point out how wrong, disgusting etc the other party is.

Surely most people have access to information and support out there to make an informed choice about what's best for them. So what is the point of all this then? It seems its just another way for us to belittle eachotherparenting choices


Please excuse grammer/spelling

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Because all these studies are based on hundreds/thousands of babies. But they aren't based on my baby or your baby.

We just do what we feel is best. That's all we can do.

[DropYourSword]

I see where you are coming from wheresmycaffeinedrip but the issue becomes thorny because Minifingers for example is not DEMANDING that everyone HAS TO breastfeed, just that they be given correct information to make their own informed decision. And when that information contradicts peoples own ideas then arguments start and accusations of 'lactivists' 'breastfeeding nazis' etc start. It looks to me like she is getting frustrated that people are happy to dismiss the well researched information available, rather than accepting it, taking it on board and then making their own decision. It is ABSOLUTELY a parents own right to make that decision and not have to defend it. But it is a health professionals job (and I very much get the impression minifingers works within a maternity setting) that you provide appropriate information. It's just like smoking waaaaaay back in the day...people genuinely didnt know it was bad for them and unless they were informed otherwise, how could they possibly have ever found out. It's just such a sensitive and incendiary topic!

[Bamboobambino]

It is clear from reading the whole thread that some posters have done just that though, i.e read and weighed the researched information, balanced the risks and made their own informed decisions. Just not the decision minifingers thinks they should have made. I do wonder how anyone with kids has as much time as this person to continue ramming 'evidence' at people though

[wordfactory]

I don't think it is like smoking though.

Once the information was available, it was incontrovertible that smoking is highly damaging to health. All health professionals are on board with that. Smoking is a risk not worth taking.

Breast feeding is not so clear cut. Most health professionals believe that breast feeding is better than formula feeding, but that the health benefits are no where near as clear cut as smoking versus non smoking.

In fact, many health professionals feel that the benefits of breast feeding are marginal in the west. And as health professionals there are far bigger fish to fry, far bigger risks.

[Bamboobambino]

Quite

[MorrisZapp]

Exactly

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

I just think there needs to be more acknowledgement that its ok if it doesn't work out. What use is this amazingly nourished baby if the mum
is a sleep deprived bleeding nipples wreck who hasn't eaten a meal in days because baby just will not stop feeding. I think it's dangerous at times for women to come on here and be told that its normal for their 9 month old baby to feed hourly day and night with little regard for the state of the poor mother. It never matters if She is a single parent or she has six children or that she nearly fell asleep at the wheel , theres always someone who says "thats what parenthood is about. it's always all about feeding that baby and sod everything else.

Well the mum matters to! She needs to eat sleep go out and function. And not be made to feel like a selfish bitch for daring to think enough is enough. She doesn't love that baby any less and she sure as hell isn't going to cause some sort of instant demise in the child for taking a break.

[DuelingFanjo]

"What use is this amazingly nourished baby if the mum is a sleep deprived bleeding nipples wreck who hasn't eaten a meal in days because baby just will not stop feeding."

to be fair, aren't people aware that this is what having a baby entails? Not necessarily the bleeding nipples and the lack of food (Both of which don't need to happen) but the sleep issue.

Babies. Keep. You. Awake. Also - the constant feeding thing doesn't last, it's a few short weeks in a lifetime.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

More care needs to be taken when posting these statistics that's all. I'm sure it is frustrating trying to get facts across but just judge by the apparent emotional state of the op

It's not always appropriate to start listing these things, often the mum feels bad enough. And if they hasn't tried so bloody hard then they wouldn't be in the state they are even they post. Just acknowledge and respect that facts and figures are not always what people need to hear. Sometimes it's just tea and sympathy and a "it's ok you have done well ff if you feel it's best it's ok"

[froubylou]

Love the last paragraph wheresmycaffine.

Baby is important. So is mum. Nothing is more important to that mum than baby.

Forcing views on anyone either for or against is wrong. All you can do is give people the facts. The absolute facts not various bits of research which can usually be interpreted the way you want and allow them to make an informed decision.

And then support that person in their decision.

I'm currently 23 weeks pg with my second dc. My first dc is 9. There is much more pressure for me to breastfeed this time around. That is fine now when I intend to.

But if I can't for what ever reason is it fair that I am mafe to feel like a failure or be judged?

And I am not a milkbar. I am more to my baby than a source of food. I am so many more things to my dc than a pair of breasts. Bf isn't the best thing I can do for my baby. The best thing I can do is be the best mummy I can and that means choosing a way to feed my baby in a way that suits me, , baby and the rest of my family.

Not in a way that satisfies societies expectations at that moment in time.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Yes it's normal as a new born but people have been told this on here at age 8/9 months maybe more. You don't expect this then surely?

[DuelingFanjo]

"Yes it's normal as a new born but people have been told this on here at age 8/9 months maybe more. You don't expect this then surely?"

well, yes actually. My DS is 2 and a half and doesn't 'sleep through'.

Are you suggesting that formula makes a baby sleep better?

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

No, I'm suggesting that someone actually realises that the poor woman may be exhausted and that a bottle of formula isn't the end of the world if it means she can take a bath or eat.

[thebody]

there is nothing more boring related to child care than how someone else feeds/ sleeps their baby.

who the fuck cares.

presume those who do have very little in their own lives.

[wordfactory]

DF I think that's a bit disingenuous, actually.

When babies go through growth spurts, their milk consumption can go sky high. Similarly, when they're ill, they can seek out the breast for comfort...these things can go on far longer than a few weeks.

But to be honest, that's not the point. The point is that the benefits in the west are not so great as to trump everyhting else. Certainly no so great that they need to be imposed, as would be the case, for example, in smoking around a baby.

[LadyBryan]

The people who do the breastfeeding cause most damage are not people who make the choice to FF their babies. It is the self-style "militant lactivists" who by brash and often offensive pseudo-logic upset people for no good reason.

I breastfed until my daughter was 3.5 years old. That doesn't make me any different, any better or worse, than someone who FF their baby, or who BF for 2 weeks. It means that I made the correct choice for me.

As with so much with regards to parenting people who decry "DO THE RIGHT THING" they conveniently forget the most important three words - the caveat of "for your family"

[thebody]

if you care/ comment how anyone but yourself feeds their baby then you need to look at yourself and aim to get a life.

[RoastedCouchPotatoes]

I think the difference is very marginal. If you can, of course breastfeeding is a better option, but whether it's from birth, a few weeks or a few months, you feel unhappy and stressed about the feeding (as in, more stressed than usual with a baby!) this will cause you to be a worse, less responsive mum to the baby (been there, done that and suffered for my baby- wasn't good for my baby either). If you are unhappy with your decision around feeding, then this will affect how you parent and this will affect your baby, even if you don't realise it, so I think that if you are happier formula feeding, then if being happy means you can parent better and care for the baby better, than the benefits of a happy mother outweigh that of breastfeeding. Although the medical benefits are towards breastfeeding, and I have breastfed, I ended up formula feeding two of my children, one from 2wks and the other from 3mnths. A contributing factor to my decision with my first was PND and I found knowing how much my baby had drunk/being able to measure the amount exactly ifyswim helped and made me less stressed.

[Saffyz]

Why isn't the information targeted more towards those who are less likely to have received it already? Otherwise many women may receive the information far too many times to be helpful. I wouldn't want the Jehovah's witnesses at the door that often either, trying to convert me to what they think I should do. Just give women information about breastfeeding once or twice, in the pregnancy and post-birth midwife/health visitor pack, but please don't bang on about it evangelically in a finger-wagging way. Most of us will have got the message the first time, and can make our own choices from then on.

[roweeena]

Minifingers I think your entire attitude and approach is particularly harmful to new mothers. Great, we all know the benefits of breastfeeding but the fact is that it is not something that all mothers are able to do.

I'm a GP and I see many many new mothers really bloody struggling, really upset and heading towards PND because of the difficulties they have had feeding. I suspect that there are a hell of a lot of new mums out their who really didn't enjoy there first months with their babies solely because of trying to breastfeed exclusively.

Quote all the facts, research and statistics that you like, but in reality when you are faced with a tearful, depressed, guilt ridden new mum who is on the verge of breaking down and a baby that is not gaining weight all of that needs to go out of the window.

Mums always do their best for their kids and sometimes that is bottlefeeding - whether you like it or not I couldn't give a flying fuck. Things aren't always as black and white as copying from NHS websites.

[thebody]

I really detest people who militantly assume they have the right to tell others what to do with their bodies be that breast feeding, abortion etc. they are usually most unpleasant and unhelpful human beings.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Not forgetting the "I suffered more than you and managed to carry on" brigade.

If someone chooses to bf through six surgeries, and a coma good for them that's their choice. But dont criticise others who realised their limitations earlier on and didnt want to put themselves through it any more.

It's not a competition as to who can martyr themselves the most. Someone's pain and trauma is no less just because you suffered more.

[SpecialAgentCuntSnake]

The sad and ironic thing is that those children who are least likely to be getting the best nutritional start in life by being breastfed are also those most likely to have suboptimal diets in later life. They're also most likely to be exposed to prenatal and postnatal smoking.

I once asked my mum if she BFed my DB and I, she didn't because she didn't want too.

We both are fine, had/have healthy diets and neither of my DP's smoke.

I BFed my DTs, same sort of upbringing (except DH is a smoker)

Not being aggressive, but are there actual studies to prove this statement? I really want to read it if there is, as I'd like to become a BF peer supporter.

[SpecialAgentCuntSnake]

Slow. Sorry!

[wordfactory]

I think whenever someone attaches themselves to a cause they need to ask themselves what it is they want to achieve. And they need to ask themselves that question frequently. If the answer is to make the lives of mothers and children better here in the uk, then it's difficult to see how shouting endless stats on an internet forum will help!