I'm feeling rather cross.
When me and now DH moved in together, he paid £300 a month to me, as the house we live in I own, so all bills are in my name (and still are).
Then he decided he wanted to do an MA which I fully supported him doing. After a while he couldn't afford the rent so I was fine with it as he was working towards something.
Since the course is now long over, we have married and have a 4 month old baby.
I work full time but currently on maternity. I can't afford to take the full year off so I'm going back when DD is 6 months old.
DH was working in a crappy wage job but recently got a better office based job for slightly more salary.
Recently I have said to him I need some money again each month, £300. Initially he agreed. Now he's saying he needs to wait this month as he's only just started the better paid job.
This morning I said, should I go back to work full time? He knows full well I don't want to go back full time - I do three 12hr shifts a week and ideally would love to have just 2 shifts.
He turned round and said I should be going back full time as we can't afford otherwise. I said I could afford it if he contributed more towards the bills and he needs to give me £300 per month again. He then said he couldn't afford it as he spends so much on our food shopping.
BTW £300 per month is no where near even half the bills so I am being generous.
I am the main earner, and he mostly buys our food.
I can afford to pay the bills but by the end of the month I am struggling and I have no money to do anything for myself. I often can't afford to put diesel in my car, I drive and he doesn't. A couple of weeks ago he had some time off and wanted us to go to the Peak District, 2.5 hours away. I told him only if he could pay the fuel as I had literally no money, I went to put £40 in but then asked if I should put £50 in, he told me he couldn't afford the extra tenner. In fact I struggled a couple of weeks ago to find £10 to get my hair cut whilst DH has several gigs he's going to in a couple of months time and goes out on camping/climbing trips with his friend.
I've never understood with married people, the my money and your money thing, it should be wholly joint, I have said I would like a joint bank account and he's agreed but it never happens.
Recently I told him I wanted to sit down together and look at both our finances closely to see how much spare money we should have. I couldn't get him to sit with me, and all I got was vague answers like this loan is approx this much, I don't know exactly.
From this I gauged that £300 would be fair to him and he'd still have spare money for himself each month. This would also mean I could have spare money for myself.
I feel like a total doormat.
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
To expect DH pay towards household bills?!
glossyflower · 20/08/2013 08:45
So you do all the housework. Pay all the bills. Do all the shopping apart from the odd loaf and pint of milk. Do everything for the baby.
And he does what exactly apart from spend his money on crap and run up thousands of pounds worth of debt? You really have yourself a great catch there. 
wow this is difficult. I know a lot on MN can find this kind of behaviour unbelievable and are suspicious that no one could not realise they are spending that amount of money. But i have lived with 2 men like this (both dyslexic and one 'on the spectrum'). Both take money out till it stops, and assume others (particularly 'professionals' are right so never question money like bills or whether things have come out or not). My current DH finds money daunting and refuses to open bills or deal with it to our detriment. In fact i would say he is terrified. We had an issue similar to yours where he just couldn't see how things add up, 'it's only lunch/coffee/£20 etc' . Oddly as well he thinks anything under £100 is nothing but if you go over it by a penny he freaks out. So will think nothing of spending £60 3 times in a day, but if we need something which is £110 there were months of negotiation and decision making conversations as to whether to buy it.
The only way we could stay together was to have a joint bank account and me take over all finances (especially tax - oh god the tax bills which mounted because he wouldn't send in his details or open the letters because he was scared were unbelievable). We had the full and frank disclosure conversation. All money goes into the same pot, all bills come out and we are both allocated the same amount of spending money. He refused to see how this would work, but the first month we did it we had +£300 in the acc at the end of the month rather than the -£300 we usually had.
If i don't stay on top of it it slips back tho.
I think you really need fairness in relationships otherwise you will start to resent each other. My ExH earned £39k and i earned £15k, yet he still insisted we split it all 50/50. This meant i would be crying that i had holes in my tights/shoes and he would nod sympathetically then show me the £400 camera he'd treated himself to. 
I hope you sort it because the worry and stress is awful. Good luck.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
You feel like a doormat because you ARE a doormat 
I hope you manage to sort things out. He sounds awful and selfish.
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